THE CASE OF THE CHEESE HEAD........

TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB

"Ladies and gentlemen,, the story you're about to read is
almost true…Only the names have been changed to
protect the author”...

Monday,, February 24… It was cold in Raleigh, North Carolina…
We were working the day watch out of robbery division…
My partner's name is Officer Gannon Morgan...
The boss is Fred Mertzman,, Chief of detectives…
My name's TuesdayFriday… Sergeant …everyone just calls
me TGIF…Don’t know what it means but it sounds exciting…
We’d been stuck at the office since Saturday,, the city of Raleigh
had been crippled by a 1 inch snow storm…All police units had
returned to the station…it was a 512 dispatch…
It was 8:45 when Chief Mertzman came to my desk and
handed me an urgent post-it note…

A crime had occurred at the corner of 5th and Walbash on the
4th floor of the MVPS building…It seemed urgent…

Officer Morgan and I attempted to use a black and white to
travel the 4 blocks to the MVPS building,, to no avail…
The city was gridlocked due to the slushy snow…We then
proceeded to the sanitation department next door and
signed out a 12 ton garbage truck to make the perilous
journey uptown…

10:42,, we arrived at the corner of 5th and Walbash,, picked up
the garbage at the corner and returned to the station…
It was too dangerous to go by vehicle to the crime scene,,
we then proceeded on foot…

1:43,, donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Officer Morgan ordered the blue plate special of 6 Twinkies
and strawberry ice cream,, I had my usual of 4 double chocolate
éclairs with whipped cream…The coffee was lukewarm,,
we ordered fresh coffee…
3:12,, returned to station after leaving a 3 dollar tip…
Waited for Chief Mertzman to return from the men’s room…
3:35 Chief Mertzman returned looking relieved…3:40 asked
for more instructions on the case…4:10 day watch over…
We would travel to the crime scene on Tuesday,, February 25…

Tuesday, February 25,, 9:37…Donut shop at the corner of
4th and Delmonte…Officer Morgan ordered the he-man
breakfast with a Spanish omelet,, just juice,, no java…I order my
usual of burnt toast and Texas waffles,, java,, 6 sugars and cream,,
with a side dish of strawberries and cool whip…11:05,,
went back to the station to get some paper clips and fresh bullets,,
ours had gone stale…12:02,, received phone call from a
Mz Lorelei Lorelei concerning the case,, she said it was urgent
we meet her at the corner of 5th and Walbash…
1:10,, we left the station to meet Mz Lorelei Lorelei…
1:38,, donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Officer Morgan needed to use the mens room,, he said it
was urgent,, I ordered java,, 6 sugars and cream…1:45,,
Officer Morgan returned looking relieved…1:47,, removed
toilet paper from Officer Morgan’s shoe…1:52,, left a 1 dollar tip
and proceeded to the corner of 5th and Walbash…
1:56,, returned to donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Asked Officer Morgan if he would like to accompany me to the
corner of 5th and Walbash,, he said yes…2:12,,
met Mz Lorelei Lorelei,, at the corner of 5th and Walbash…
She proceed to describe the details of the missing Mr. Parmesan…
Sounded like a case for missing persons…
We proceed to the scene of the crime,, 4th floor break room of
the MVPS building…

Mz Lorelei Lorelei proceeded to tell how she had kept
Mr. Parmesan in the refrigerator every night and they would
liberally sprinkle left over lunch meat over each other
after work…She became excited…
“Just the facts mam”,, I said…
She continued to say that she liked to roll around amongst
the yogurt containers and coffee creamers,, trying to blend in
with the condiments…An obvious 718 case (nutso)…
3:37,, returned to the station and informed Chief Mertzman of
our conversation with Mz Lorelei Lorelei…
The case was transferred to the Belvue Mental Unit on the
12th floor of the station…


TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB,, TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB

Case file #4183.ad56… Raleigh, North Carolina...
Mz Lorelei Lorelei was found guilty of making a false
police report,, and of playing with her food without a license…
She was sentenced to 18 months of janitorial duties at the
donut shop on the corner of 4th and Delmonte…

Mr. Parmesan was never found,, it is believed he return to
Italy and became the Pope,, but this could not be confirmed…

Officer Gannon Morgan and Sergeant TuesdayFriday,,
were each given commendations for bravery due to their
actions during the snow storm that crippled
all of Raleigh, North Carolina……….