Something to ponder on as you wander on


Some liars are born that way, some are self-made; but the really great ones are elected to Congress…
--------------------------------------------------------------


Friday, February 29, 2008

A SHORT POST...........

"Thank God,, that long winded crazy nutso Gt281 does a short post"...
"Why does he always try to write stories as long as War and Peace?"....

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

THE CASE OF THE CHEESE HEAD........

TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB

"Ladies and gentlemen,, the story you're about to read is
almost true…Only the names have been changed to
protect the author”...

Monday,, February 24… It was cold in Raleigh, North Carolina…
We were working the day watch out of robbery division…
My partner's name is Officer Gannon Morgan...
The boss is Fred Mertzman,, Chief of detectives…
My name's TuesdayFriday… Sergeant …everyone just calls
me TGIF…Don’t know what it means but it sounds exciting…
We’d been stuck at the office since Saturday,, the city of Raleigh
had been crippled by a 1 inch snow storm…All police units had
returned to the station…it was a 512 dispatch…
It was 8:45 when Chief Mertzman came to my desk and
handed me an urgent post-it note…

A crime had occurred at the corner of 5th and Walbash on the
4th floor of the MVPS building…It seemed urgent…

Officer Morgan and I attempted to use a black and white to
travel the 4 blocks to the MVPS building,, to no avail…
The city was gridlocked due to the slushy snow…We then
proceeded to the sanitation department next door and
signed out a 12 ton garbage truck to make the perilous
journey uptown…

10:42,, we arrived at the corner of 5th and Walbash,, picked up
the garbage at the corner and returned to the station…
It was too dangerous to go by vehicle to the crime scene,,
we then proceeded on foot…

1:43,, donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Officer Morgan ordered the blue plate special of 6 Twinkies
and strawberry ice cream,, I had my usual of 4 double chocolate
éclairs with whipped cream…The coffee was lukewarm,,
we ordered fresh coffee…
3:12,, returned to station after leaving a 3 dollar tip…
Waited for Chief Mertzman to return from the men’s room…
3:35 Chief Mertzman returned looking relieved…3:40 asked
for more instructions on the case…4:10 day watch over…
We would travel to the crime scene on Tuesday,, February 25…

Tuesday, February 25,, 9:37…Donut shop at the corner of
4th and Delmonte…Officer Morgan ordered the he-man
breakfast with a Spanish omelet,, just juice,, no java…I order my
usual of burnt toast and Texas waffles,, java,, 6 sugars and cream,,
with a side dish of strawberries and cool whip…11:05,,
went back to the station to get some paper clips and fresh bullets,,
ours had gone stale…12:02,, received phone call from a
Mz Lorelei Lorelei concerning the case,, she said it was urgent
we meet her at the corner of 5th and Walbash…
1:10,, we left the station to meet Mz Lorelei Lorelei…
1:38,, donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Officer Morgan needed to use the mens room,, he said it
was urgent,, I ordered java,, 6 sugars and cream…1:45,,
Officer Morgan returned looking relieved…1:47,, removed
toilet paper from Officer Morgan’s shoe…1:52,, left a 1 dollar tip
and proceeded to the corner of 5th and Walbash…
1:56,, returned to donut shop at the corner of 4th and Delmonte…
Asked Officer Morgan if he would like to accompany me to the
corner of 5th and Walbash,, he said yes…2:12,,
met Mz Lorelei Lorelei,, at the corner of 5th and Walbash…
She proceed to describe the details of the missing Mr. Parmesan…
Sounded like a case for missing persons…
We proceed to the scene of the crime,, 4th floor break room of
the MVPS building…

Mz Lorelei Lorelei proceeded to tell how she had kept
Mr. Parmesan in the refrigerator every night and they would
liberally sprinkle left over lunch meat over each other
after work…She became excited…
“Just the facts mam”,, I said…
She continued to say that she liked to roll around amongst
the yogurt containers and coffee creamers,, trying to blend in
with the condiments…An obvious 718 case (nutso)…
3:37,, returned to the station and informed Chief Mertzman of
our conversation with Mz Lorelei Lorelei…
The case was transferred to the Belvue Mental Unit on the
12th floor of the station…


TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB,, TA TA TA DUM,, DUMB

Case file #4183.ad56… Raleigh, North Carolina...
Mz Lorelei Lorelei was found guilty of making a false
police report,, and of playing with her food without a license…
She was sentenced to 18 months of janitorial duties at the
donut shop on the corner of 4th and Delmonte…

Mr. Parmesan was never found,, it is believed he return to
Italy and became the Pope,, but this could not be confirmed…

Officer Gannon Morgan and Sergeant TuesdayFriday,,
were each given commendations for bravery due to their
actions during the snow storm that crippled
all of Raleigh, North Carolina……….

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

ON SAFARI............

ON SAFARI………………
You know I don’t think this was such a good idea…

Why not?…

Well,, I just don’t think they like us very much,, that’s all…

Your nuts,, didn’t you give them,, the pots and pans?...

Yeah,, I gave it to them…

Did you give them the mirrors and beads?...That always works…

Yeah I gave it to them,, they seemed to like our gifts…

Well,, what’s your problem then?...

Its just the way they treated us that’s all…

What way?...

Their taking off all our clothes and tying us up…

Yeah,, that’s kinda different,, I’ve never had that happen to
me before,, but I think its just a misunderstanding…

A misunderstanding?...

Yeah,, you remember when you smiled at the chiefs daughter?...
Well,, I think you proposed marriage to her…

I didn’t mean too,, I was just scared and trying to be friendly…

I hate to tell you,, but smiling at someones’ daughter is sometimes
a part of a courtship ritual…

Well,, how was I suppose to know…And what about putting us
in this pot of water?...huh?...What’s that all about?...

Must be part of the wedding ritual…A purification ceremony…

Then why are you in here with me?... If I’m the one getting
married?...

I must be the best man…Don’t worry…You worry too much…
Would they be dancing and singing if they were going to hurt us?...

No,, I suppose not…How would I know?...Your the guide,,
your suppose to be the expert on these types of things…

I am…Its just that,, I’ve never gone this far into the bush before…

You’re a big help,, and what about the way they poked us in the
butts with their spears?...

I’m sure that was just a friendly tribal greeting…

Greeting my ass,, those spears are sharp…

Your still alive aren’t you?…

Now what are they doing?...Why are they putting vegetables
in this pot?...

Haven’t you ever hear of being Green?... I’m sure their just
conserving resources that’s all,, it must take a lot of firewood to
get a pot this size boiling,, so they just don’t want to waste it,,
that’s all…

Yeah,, maybe…They are going to take us out soon aren’t they?...
Its starting to get hot in here…

Don’t worry,, the government passed a law 20 years ago
against cannibalism………………………

Monday, February 25, 2008

GOD AND MAN...................


GOD AND MAN………………………
This is a serious subject that I speak of now,,
and perhaps I will offend many of you…

First off,, let me say,, that I do not believe in a
Supreme being,, God…..
I do not believe that the stars in the sky or the
whirling universe were created by anyone,,
they just are,, that’s all,, they just are…
I do not believe that God created man,, woman or
beast,, or this earth we are apon,,
they just are,, that’s all,, they just are…

Which brings me to a story I heard once about
God and man,, and it goes something like this…

God came unto man,, and he gave man laws by which
man should live by…

And one of these laws was this:

Do not kill anything that swims in the seas,, crawls or
walks apon the land or flies in the air,, for these are
living things…
Man heard these laws,, and thought they were good,,
there are grains in the fields,, and roots in the ground,,
and fruit among the trees that we can have,, it is good…

Skip ahead just a little bit…
A man is fishing in the river one day,, just using a bright
shining hook,, and he catches a fish,, the man unhooks the
fish and throws it on the bank,, were it dies…
A second man having seen this,, says to the first man,,
“You have killed that fish,, that now lies on the ground,,
you have disobeyed God’s law”…
The first man says,,
“No I haven’t,, the fish died because God wanted it to,,
if God wanted the fish to live,, He would have cast it back
into the water”…

Skip ahead just a little bit…
A man stands behind a man in an orange jumpsuit,,
the man in the orange jumpsuit is bound and gagged
and lies on the floor…
The first man cuts the throat of the man on the floor
from ear to ear…
The man on the floor bleeds and dies…
A second man having seen this,, says to the first man,,
“You have killed that man,, that now lies on the floor,,
you have disobeyed God’s law”…
The first man says,,
“No I haven’t,, the man died because God wanted him to,,
if God wanted the man to live,, He would have bound up his
wounds and he would be alive”…

Skip ahead just a little bit…
A man is sitting in a chair on his porch,,
and in the street he sees a man shoot another man in
the head,, the man shot,, falls to the ground and dies…
A second man having seen this,, says to the man in the chair,,
“Why,, did you do nothing to stop the killing of the man
in the street?...
The man in the chair replies,,
“I did nothing,, because God did not command me to stop
the killing of the man in the street”…

Skip ahead just a little bit…
In the street a man shoots another man in
the head,, the man shot,, falls to the ground and dies…
A second man having seen this,, says to the man in the street,,
“Why did you shoot that man in the head,, who now lies
dead in the street?...
The first man answers,,
“I shot that man,, because God commanded me to do so,,
it is not my fault the man is dead”…

These stories above have very strange broken logic in them,,
they say that man is responsible for nothing,, it is all God’s
will,, very strange logic to me…

It is God’s will whether you step to the right or to the left,,
It is God’s will whether you have enough to eat or not,,
whether you are loved or not,, whether you are sick or not…

So I wonder,, why it is that the true believers in God,, do not
just sit in their chairs and wait for God to provide everything
to them,, for surely if God wanted them to have things,,
God would bring them forth and give them…

As I have said I do not believe in God,, I do not believe in
heaven or paradise or hell or the everlasting…
When I die,, it will be the end,, that’s all,, just the end of me…
I also wonder,, should I be afraid of God loving/fearing men,,
will they come unto me,, and shoot me in the head,,
because God told them to do it?...

Something to think about,, as you go to Church,, or the Mosque,,
or the Synagogue,, or pray at night beside your bed………….

Saturday, February 23, 2008

THE REVENGE TAG...........

REVENGE IS MINE…
NOW YOU SHALL FEEL THE FULL POWER
OF GT281…
OH,, I’M AFRAID YOUR FRIENDS CAN’T
HELP YOU NOW………………


So Mz Drowsey,, you thought you could get away
with giving me another nasty and E-VILE tag didn’t you?….
I’m afraid not…..mmmwwwwahahahahahahah..(evil laugh)
Since you were so brave to venture forth into my soggy
Blog and toss a bottle at me…I think you need a task equal
to the bravery you have shown,, a task that only a hero
from yon years gone by would be able to complete…

You know who Eurystheus is don’t you?...of course you do…
And like when Eurystheus gave Hercules twelve labors to complete,,
I shall give you,, the mighty DrowseyHercules twelve tasks to
complete…Don’t worry you don’t have to kill any Hydras or boars,,
or even clean out some horses stables,, or shovel the 27 ft high
snow drifts in my driveway…Since your so brave about setting
foot in my Blog-o-dungeon,, I think you need to go deeper into
the DARK abyss of the unknown and search among my tales of
WONDER and imagination to fulfill your twelve tasks…

Within my tales of DARKNESS and DOOM you will find the answers
to the following twelve questions….Since I know that your journey
will be long and hard and the path is unlit,, I will be kind and send
with you a fellow annoying type person to hold the lantern
while you search…Yes that’s right,, I’m sending that
orange haired lover of the “H” with you,, Catz…….……
…....mmmwwwwahahahahahahah……..

Here are your twelve tasks………….

1. What is the name of the dog found in the wheat fields?...

2. What is the name of the Captain of the Greenling that
saved Earth by exploding Jupiter?...

3. What’s a Glaynor?...

4. What comes out of a Spindleduff Orb?...

5. What is the name of the king who becomes Lucifer?...

6. Name the four sisters who precede the four horsemen of
the apocalypse…

7. Who was eaten by a fox because he zagged instead of zigged?...

8. Who is it that knows of the rockets red glare?...

9. What is the name of Hulk Hogan’s show?...

10. What does Darth Vader say when he’s on the balcony?...

11. What type of gun does Catz Cairo carry?...

12. What is in the bathtub along with the British Frigate and the
Pirates ship?...

All the answers can be found within my WONDERFUL stories,,
there are no trick questions…it will probably take you about
6 months to find the answers…have fun…….

………mmmwwwwahahahahahahah……..

Friday, February 22, 2008

A DROWSEY MESSAGE..........

.
Fooled you didn’t I?....

I can’t tag anyone with this meme,,
Because everyone who visits my soggy blog
Has already been tagged or they would just get mad
At me and leave me alone with no one to annoy…

But should there be a passerby,, who would like
To leave a message in a bottle…do so…
The rules are simple….

**** START COPY****

In a Bottle across the Blog Ocean. Leave a message in the sand or on the bottle. Write anything you wish. Be a pirate or a poet. Serious or silly. Anonymous or not. What message would you like to send out to the universe? Mimi's Message In a Bottle Meme

1. Compose a message to place in your virtual bottle.

2. Right click and SAVE the blank graphic below

3. Use a graphics program of your choice to place the message on the picture

4. Post the Message In a Bottle meme and your creation on your blog along with these rules

5. Tag a minimum of 5 bloggers - or your entire blogroll - to do the same. Notify them of the tag. Your virtual bottle will remain afloat in the blog-o-sphere ocean for all blogernity (That's a Mimism for blog + eternity.)

Mimi says: "ADD your site to the Mr. Linky list and place your blog's name and url in a comment HERE TO LET ME KNOW YOU'VE COMPLETED THE MEME. I will add it to the master list of message bottles. Email mimiwrites2005 at yahoo.com if you have questions."

Go to http://sendmessageinabottle.blogspot.com/ to see all the bottles floating in the blog ocean.

**** END COPY****

Oh,, and to all who try this tag,, don’t forget to give Drowsey
one too…she likes being tagged…………
You can find her here….http://drowseymonkey.blogspot.com

A MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE..........

Within this bottle I shall leave something behind
A message in a bottle for someone to find
I will cast this bottle into the blackness unknown
Knowing not where it will roam
Knowing not where it might find a home
Into the vast expanse of the blog-o-sphere
It shall be cast,, for all eternity it will last
With thoughts of the future and remembrances of days past
I cast it forth with but one word inside
One word is enough I think,, for this word is without equal
I fill this bottle with the word “HOPE”

“HOPE” that tomorrow brings sunshine and happiness
“HOPE” that children everywhere laugh and sing
“HOPE” that wise men among us lead us to peace
“HOPE” that we can stand together as one people apon this Earth
“HOPE” that the teachings of all Good Books can be followed
“HOPE” for the poor that they may find richness in their days
“HOPE” that evil is forever vanquished from our lives
“HOPE” that our everyday burdens will not be too much
“HOPE” for all humanity

For you see,, HOPE is eternal within the human breast….

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

THE CASE OF THE BLACK MONKEY........

THE CASE OF THE BLACK MONKEY…………
There really wasn’t much I had to do that day...I was just
fantasying what it would be like to be naked in a hot tub with
Greta Garbo,, while waiting for a new case to walk in the door
and offer me lots of cash to solve whatever it was they needed...
I wasn’t in the mood to be particular…My landlord had
threatened to remove me from my apartment if I didn’t come
up with the rent money I owed him for the last six months…
It was on a Tuesday as I remember that it all started,, perhaps
the most baffling case I would ever have…I was sitting at my
desk in my 3rd floor office in downtown Los Angeliess…
The weather had been hot and muggy all week and I had to
keep the windows open for some fresh air,, the flies buzzing
around my trashcan were beginning to be annoying,, I could
hear the traffic below and smell the smoke from the burning
forest fires near San Jehovah 80 miles away…It was going to
be a long week I thought as I sat there with my coffee flavored
bourbon,, trying to figure out how I was going to come up with
the money to pay that sleaze bag landlord of mine,, J. Houston…
The thought had crossed my mind that maybe I should have
Quido pay him a visit and carefully,, in his unique manner,,
explain things to Mr. Houston…But all that was about to change…
Oh,, my name is Sam Edaps,, I’m a private eye,, and this is
the case I call “The Case of the Black Monkey”….

The door to my private office opened and in stepped
Gretchen Holly,, my secretary…

“Sam,, there’s a woman out here who wants to see you
about a new case”…
“Thanks sweetheart,, give me a moment then send her in”..

The woman before me was in her early thirties and dressed in
an ensemble that looked like she had slept in it the night before,,
or maybe she had had a backseat rumble party with a passing
stranger,, either way it was wrinkled as much as a chewing gum
wrapper that had been in the gutter too long…
It was black with what appeared to be cat hairs littered on her
arms and down to the hemline,, obviously a cat lover…
I’ve always been wary of people who like cats so I immediately
took a dislike to her,, and felt I wouldn’t be able to believe a
thing she was about to lie about…She wore a pink wide brimmed
bonnet that had yellow and blue asters on it,, and she had on
yellow and red striped ducky sippers…More signs that she was
a little off center…She kept on sneezing and sniffing,,
and blowing her nose with a monogrammed hanky that had a
print of Elvis on it…Seemed like the appropriate thing to
do to me…From her slurring of her words I knew she was high
on something,, probably an addict overdosed on Nyquil and
Ludens cherry flavored cough drops…

She told me her name was Brigid O’ShesDrowsey,, she said she
was in Los Angeliess to locate her missing sister,, she hadn’t
heard from her for three weeks until last night when she
got a E-Gram from her at about 11:00,, I thought this was odd
since Yahoo was down for two hours last night,, but I let her
continue…She said her sister sounded as if she was in a panic
and that she needed help because she had become involved
with a man calling himself Thursday Monday,,
Brigid O’ShesDrowsey then explained that she had arranged to
meet her sister at the corner of 5th and Walbash that night
and she was hoping I would go and help her sister get away
from Thursday…I agreed to her plan and charged her 2 hundred
dollars for the inconvenience she was about to put me through…
She protested about my fee at first,, until I explained that on
Tuesdays I always went bowling and it was the league finals,,
and there would be prize money for the winning team…
After I explained my situation to her,, she agreed…I thought
maybe she agreed a little too fast,, that maybe I could have
asked for 3 hundred and some backseat rumbling on my couch,,
but I let it go…But I would charge her for any medical expenses
I would have should I catch that damn cold of hers…
She brought the cold in and she can pay me if I should catch it…
After all that’s want I do,, I catch things…I’m a private eye…
Its what I love about this job…

Later that evening I waited at the corner of 5th and Walbash,,
for Thursday or Brigid’s sister to show up…Nobody came…
All that came by were a couple of Hungarian midgets…
I thought this strange because I was told that they were all
deported to Toronto…I waited until about 8:30,, then left…
Standing on the corner of 5th and Walbash was getting me
nowhere…All I got for my efforts were a couple of proposals
for adult games by some of the pickle warmers near Sam’s bar…
It was still early enough for me to go bowling,, luckily I always
keep a spare bowling ball in the trunk of my car…
My team took first place in the league tournaments that night,,
good thing I went…The fifty dollar prize money I received would
come in handy for buying more bourbon tomorrow…

It was a long night…

I arrived back at my apartment around 2 am and made my
way up the fire escape and thru my bathroom window which
I always keep unlocked just for such emergencies…I called
Brigid O’ShesDrowsey’s hotel to find out what kind of game she
was playing and to tell her she wouldn’t be getting her
money back,, I’d done my part…I let the phone ring for about
5 minutes then I talked to the desk clerk,, seems that
Brigid O’ShesDrowsey had checked out at about 4:00,, just
a little over 30 minutes after my meeting with her,,
the desk clerk had no idea where she had gone…My nose was
starting to tingle,, I think she may have given me her cold…
Its going to cost her a lot more now…

I went back to my office around 9:00 the next morning,,
I took my bowling ball with me,, bowling season was over and
there was no reason for me to have it rolling around in my trunk,,
it always made me jumpy when it rolled over an empty
bourbon bottle,, besides it needed to be waxed again and
I thought I could do it while waiting for a new client to show up…
I had only been in my outer office a few moments when the door
opened and in stepped a little woman wearing camera straps
and a blue pin striped mans suit…She smelled like she had
dropped a bottle of gardenia aftershave on her…It filled the
whole office with its pungent aroma…
I knew I’d have to open all the windows after she left just to get
rid of the odor…It was beginning to make me nauseous…
She told me her name was Catz Cairo,, and that she would pay
me $5,000 dollars if I gave her the statue of the black monkey…
I told her I didn’t know what she was talking about and that
I’d never heard of the statue…
I could tell that she was becoming nervous and agitated at my
answers and just as she was about to pull a gun from her
coat pocket,, I swung my bowling ball and knocked her out…
She fell on the sofa in a crumpled heap of pin stripes,,
the gun dropped to the floor at my feet…It was a pink pearl
handled 22,, just the type of sissy gun I figured she would have…

While she was out cold on the sofa I went thru her pockets
straightened her nylons and examined her wallet,, she didn’t
have much on her,, except a passport from BC Egypt,,
some French funny money,, and a front row ticket to the opera
“I Love Lucy” playing at the Boytoie Theater on Sunday…
I next patted her breasts just to make sure she wasn’t hiding
any knives or documents in her size 38 bra,, a black lacy affair
with pink penguins over the nipples…I didn’t find anything but
I had some fun anyway…As I waited for her to regain consciousness
I put my bowling ball in the closet and made myself a coffee
flavored bourbon,, only the 4th one this morning,, I was way
behind in my coffee drinking…I was just starting my third cup
of Java juice when I heard her moaning and groaning on the sofa…
I stood there amused as I watched her put her clothing back in
its rightful places… Must of happened when you fell I said to her…
Her look was what I expected,, delight and snoddy at the
same time…
I gave her back her papers and wallet,, but I kept her gun…
She pleaded with me for the gun,, but I refused unless she
came clean on why she was there...

She told me that she was a partner of a Mz FK Gutman and that
the statue had been stolen from Mz Gutman two years ago and
they had traced it to Brigid O’ShesDrowsey’s sister…
She said Mz Gutman would pay a lot of money to anyone that
returned it to her…I tried to explain to her that I knew nothing
about the statue,, but I knew that she didn’t believe me…
Women are like that…I then escorted her to the door and
returned her gun,, she immediately pointed it at me and
threatened to shoot me if I didn’t turn over the statue to her…
I just laughed…She then pulled the trigger twice…Seems I had
forgotten to tell her that I took all the bullets out while she was
having her nap…I then kicked her in the ass and out the door,,
telling her never to come back or that I won’t be so gentle when
playing patti-cake with her next time…This case was becoming
more complex and longer than I had bargained for…I’ll have to
ask for more money next time I see Brigid O’ShesDrowsey…

Since I had given Gretchen the day off to visit her sister in
San Chiwawa,, I was alone all day in my office…The coffee didn’t
help much as I was trying to put the pieces of this puzzle together,,
I was thinking that maybe I was missing the edge pieces…
Around 6:00 that evening I decided to call it a day and go over
to Jimmy’s for a night cap and some stale pretzels,, maybe even
meet a couple of pickle warmers that I didn’t owe money to…
As I was about to open the outer office door,, a women barged
in and collapsed onto the floor,, she was carrying a package
wrapped in dirty diapers and three week old newspapers
from Egypt…She had been shot and was gasping for air as she
told me that she was Lorelei O’ShesDrowsey,, Brigid’s sister…
Then she cursed at me like a drunken sailor and died on my
office floor…I took the package she was carrying and examined
it closely,, the Egyptian Hieroglyphs meant nothing to me,,
but since Catz Cairo had an Egyptian passport I figured this
must be the statue of the black monkey she was looking for…
I felt I wouldn’t have much time tho before who ever shot Lorelei,,
would be coming here…I hid the statue under the floor boards
in my office closet,, its where I hide the good bourbon
from Gretchen…
Unfortunately for me it had been empty for over a month…
I then quickly wrapped Lorelei’s body in the carpet and
placed her in the stairwell,, then I examined her as I had
Catz Cairo,, to bad she was dead,, we could have had some fun
together…The blood stains were the easiest thing to clean up,,
I’ve learned over the years that bourbon can take out just about
any stain…It’s a sad waste of mouth wash tho…

I had the missing black monkey now,, and I figured that
somebody would soon be contacting me about it…This could
be a big chocolate donut day for me…I just had to play with my
gahoneys right and I’d walk away clean and with enough cash to
pay off all my debts,, then Gretchen and I could take off for
some fun time in Aruba…She’s a fun gal,, especially when she
has 6 or 7 Mai Tais in her,, and great looking in a towel…
I stayed in my office that night waiting for the inevitable
phone call…It came about 50 minutes later…It was Catz Cairo
saying that she had found the body of Lorelei and knew that
I had the statue,, I told her I did and asked her how much she
was willing to pay for it…She said that Mz Gutman wanted to
meet me and discuss terms,, I agreed and told her I would meet
them at my apartment in about 2 hours and to bring Brigid and
plenty of cash with them,, I wouldn’t accept any checks,,
credit cards,, or three week old donuts… She agreed to my terms
and I then returned to my apartment to wait…

A little after 9:30 Mz Gutman,, Catz Cairo,, and Brigid all
arrived at my apartment…Mz Gutman was a rotund woman in
her late fifties with too much makeup on and wearing a grey
jogging outfit than had the team logo of the Tampa bay
Buccaneers on the front,, she had 12 strands of pink pearl
necklaces around her neck and walked with the help of a cane
that had a carved amethyst toad on the handle…Catzs’ perfume
was again overpowering,, so I opened my apartment windows to
let in some much needed fresh air…Brigid was wearing the same
cat hair covered outfit that she wore when she visited me the
first time,, she looked a little more worried about the way things
had turned out for her…She didn’t seem very grief stricken by
the death of her sister,, or maybe no one had told her yet…
I made everyone a drink of tomato juice and relish,, no reason
to waste the good stuff on these characters,, and then asked
Mz Gutman how much she was willing to pay me for the return
of her black monkey…She said she was willing to pay $10,000
in cash right now for the return of the black monkey…
I just smiled at her,, and then cold-cocked Catz to the floor,,
there would be no gun play in my apartment… Mz Gutman was
now defenseless and would get no protection from Catz…
I told her that I had searched Google for clues about the black
monkey and I knew how much it was really worth…A shadow
of worry and despair now crossed Mz Gutman’s face,,
she offered $55,000 for its return,, no more she said…
We thumb wrestled for a higher price and then after losing
3 out of 4 rounds I mentioned that I could send them all to jail
for the murder of Lorelei and the smuggling of
Hindu Wicca Warcraft artifacts,, after that we agreed to
$70,000 cash…This was ending up to be a good case for me…

Mz Gutman said that she didn’t have that much on her and that
she’d have to have a courier deliver it from her bank in the morning…
I didn’t quite believe her,, do to the fact she looked well padded
to me,, but I agreed to her plan and said that after the courier left
I would have the black monkey brought here…
As we waited thru the night I kept a steady watch on the heaving
breasts of Catz and Brigid…I was the only one with a gun now,,
having frisked them all earlier…I think Catz enjoyed it too
much tho…
It was around 10:30 the next morning that the bank courier
arrived with Mz Gutman’s money,, I then called Gretchen and
explained to her where the package was and that she needed
to hurry over to my apartment with the package…I could only
hope that she understood me,, it was early,, and she was
after all a blonde…

Gretchen arrived at my apartment at a little before noon…
She smelled like she had just eaten a BigMac with onion rings,,
I asked her about it,, and she said she preferred Whoppers…
I’d have to test her on that later…I took the package from her
and quietly told her to go back to my office and that I would
soon be there…Mz Gutman was overly excited about seeing the
package,, her blue mascara was dripping and leaving a stain on
my carpet…She could recognize that the newspaper wrapping
was indeed from Egypt…She clumsily handed over my cash and
took the package from me,, then unwrapped it in a blur of
paper shards,, like a drooling kid on Christmas…
The others watched in excitement as the black monkey
was slowly revealed…

“No,, no”,, Mz Gutman uttered in anguish,, “it’s the wrong monkey,,
this is Mr. Zippy”… “ You fool we’ve been chasing the wrong monkey”
“You,, you,, did this,, you bungled this you greasy fat woman”
was Catz reply as she started to weep and tear out her orange
dyed hair,, years lost on a fools quest…
“No,, this can not be”…”Come Catz we will start again”…
“My money if you please,, Mr. Edaps”…
“The moneys mine fat woman,, I delivered the black money
as I promised”…
“Ha,, ha,, so you did”…”perhaps this will persuade you”…
Mz Gutman then pulled a two shot derringer from the top of
her cane,, maybe not as powerful as my 45,, but none the less
it would be enough at this close range…I handed over the money
to Mz Gutman,, but I kept 2 thousand…
“Expenses and for my silence”,, I said….
“Indeed,, well played Mr. Edaps,, come Catz we must go”…
“What about me?”,, Brigid asked of Mz Gutman…
“You may come too,, I may have need of your treacherous ways”…
”A most interesting little game,, Mr. Edaps,, ha,, ha”…

I waited for about 15 minutes to make sure they were gone…
The cash in my pocket was beginning to give me a growing
excited feeling…I then headed back to my office to meet Gretchen…
I was careful in watching my back,, always suspecting that Cairo
would be following me,, thinking that perhaps I had tricked them…
But they were gone,, off to Egypt again I suppose…Not a bad
couple of days work,, I thought to myself…I had enough now to
pay off my landlord and maybe some left over to pay my tab at
Jimmys…Maybe I’ll just wait for the next case to come around
before I pay Jimmy…Gretchen was there,, faithfully waiting just
as I told her to…She seemed hypnotized watching the goldfish go
round and round in its bowl…
“Anybody been here dollface?”..
“What?,, what?,, oh,, ahh,, No,, Sam its been quite,, no phone
calls or anything”,, “what happened to the rug?”…
“It’s a long story sweetheart”,, I’ll tell you about it later”…
“Come with me,, I have something to show you”…
We went into my private office and I unzipped my trousers and
took out the key I had hidden there...Gretchen giggled with
excitement…Then I unlocked the bottom drawer of my desk
and took out a package wrapped in an old banana colored bandana…
Then unwrapped it carefully…Revealing the real black monkey…
Last night I had opened the package that Lorelei had delivered
to me before her death and found 2 black monkeys inside…
My search on Google had given me enough information to
realize which one was the most valuable,, so I kept it and
rewrapped the worthless one for Mz Gutman,,
my plan worked perfectly…

“What is it Sam?”…
“It’s the thing that E-bay is made of”…………


Special editors note:
Gee,, that’s a good story,, I think it should be made
into a movie........................

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

GARDEN FLYERS............

GARDEN FLYERS………………..
Rising above on silken wings
Multi-faceted hues that inspire
Drifting with the breeze ever higher
Perching alone on a delicate flower
Come to me my beauty,, stay with me this hour

Sailing along from one to another
Sipping what’s within,, I will not bother
Graceful are your ways,, these lazy days
Bringing me joys apon your wings
Lifting high into the sky
Then low among the willows

Tell me where do you hide at night
Are you really a fairy sprite?
I never see you in starlight
Perhaps you are hidden just there
But please beware of the spider’s snare
In the mornings dew we will meet anew

Just me and you,, as you glide on by
Stay for a while and give me a smile
Tell me oh wonder so fair
Do you care which flower I plant
To bring you here,, be it red or yellow or blue
Tell me true and I will plant them all for you

Fragile whispers your wings do sing
You are the sign of a new year’s spring
Come into my garden,, I will not pry
Oh gossamer winged butterfly…………..

CAPTION #8

COME ON,, I'LL TAKE YA WITH ONE HAND
TIED BEHIND MY BACK................

THE WEB.................

THE WEB……………….
Glistening dew drops in the night air
Silken strains drawn tight with care
Waiting for the careless victim amid flight
Watchful you should be,, if a moth,, fly or gnat
Gleaming in the moonlight is the spiders trap…

Wings fluttering flapping against the steel like thread
Struggle struggle you must get free
Or soon it will come and you’ll be dead
Within its silky cocoon,, it waits to seal your doom
Waiting for you to tire to give you a bite
It glides along its sticky spun wire
You’ll be drained dry very soon,, it is your last nite…..........

Sunday, February 17, 2008

THE WACKO NRA..............

THE WACKO NRA…………….
I enjoy reading newspaper headlines about kids going
into their schools and shooting and killing lots of innocent
kids,, of disgruntled mailmen shooting their co-workers,,
or bank robbers,, thieves,, killers and nutsos,,
shooting everybody…......NOT…

The initials NRA in case you don’t know stands for,,
National Rifle Association…their motto is
‘guns don’t kill people,, people do’,, what great logic,,
give a wacko nutso a fully loaded carbine and he wouldn’t go out
and shoot anybody,, no he’ll just put it on his mantelpiece,,
and show it to his friends while their playing canasta…
Unfortunately for you and me,, the living,, the NRA is protected
by the Constitution of this fair land,, every American has the
right to bear arms,, it says so right there in the Constitution…
No way to get around that,, and I doubt very much if it will
ever be amended anytime ever…

The Constitution was written about 230 yrs ago,, it was a time
when it was necessary to own a gun…Mainly for hunting to get
ones dinner,, and also it was a time when nations were building
empires around the globe,, so when our nation was formed it
had a lot of potential enemies,, and at that time we had no
standing army…Guns then were just 1 shot weapons,,
you had to be very fast at loading them just to get 3 shots off
in a minute,, and they weren’t very accurate,, nor as deadly
as our modern guns are today…

Today’s world is much,, much different…National boundaries
have all been set,, there is no more empire building,, we have a
standing army,, navy and air-force to protect us…We also have
an internal police force in every city,, to protect individuals
against the nutsos in our society…So owning a gun is not really
needed…I’d like to see a fully armed NRA member stand up
and fight against an invading modern army,, wouldn’t be much
of a contest… But,, lets face it,, we’re never going to outlaw gun
ownership,, too many out there already and there’s just too
much money to be made selling them…But I wonder,,
why it is that its so easy to buy one?…No where in the Constitution
does it say that it should be easy to get one,, it just says that you
have the right to bear arms…

I have in my wallet a card that permits me to drive on our
nations highways and byways,, my drivers license…It has my
photo on it,, my name and my address on it…I have to take a
written test to get it,, and an eye examine,, and I have to prove
that I know how to drive by taking a driving test…
A car license is something I need…A gun I don’t…So why is it
that these same requirements can not be applied to owning a gun…
It wouldn’t stop you from owning a gun…
Why not require gun owners to have their photo taken,,
have them pass a written test on gun safety or maybe have
to take some class time,, and take em out back of the gun store
to see if they even know how to operate a gun…
Every gun made should also have a ballistics test fire,, so that
when a bullet shows up in the body of a convenience store teller
it can be traced to the exact gun it came from…
Why not?...Sounds like a simple sane way to license gun
ownership to me…

Somebody please tell me why it is that I have so many
restrictions on me when I own a car or when I drive a car…
Gun owners have almost no restrictions on them…You know
its pretty hard for me to hide in the bushes when I’m driving
a Ford or a Chevy,, and I doubt every much if I could sneak up
behind you when I’m driving…Also I doubt if I can kill you
with my car when I’m a block away,, or drop my car on you
when I’m in a third floor apartment…………….........

Special editors note:
I wrote this blog before Christmas 2007,, and now with
all the shootings in our schools I think its
kind of appropriate…don’t you?..................

Friday, February 15, 2008

A FAMILY PORTRAIT....................

They're creepy and they're kookey
Mysterious and spookey
They're all together ookey
The GT281 Family

Their blogs are a nauseum
When people come to read'em
They really are a scre-am
The GT281 Family

Not so Neat

Not so Sweet

Not so Petite

You’ll get a witch’s scar’em
A monkey in a Har’em
You’ll get some lunar shots
Then they’ll throw you in a Catz pot
Better watch out that crabs hot

This is what’s known as
The GT281 Family.....................

http://catzmews.blogspot.com/
http://drowseymonkey.blogspot.com/
http://faeriekat.wordpress.com/
http://blackholesandastrostuff.blogspot.com/
http://swubird.blogspot.com/
http://www.mvpsupport.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

HAPPY WHATEVER.................

Friends,, Romans,, countrymen,, lend me your ears!
I come to bury GT281,, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them,,
The good is oft interred with their bones,,
So let it be with GT281…

Oops wrong speech,, hang on a moment…
I know there’s something sappy in here somewhere…

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous GT281
Or to take arms against a sea of BAD PUNS
And by opposing end them…

Ahh,, just wait…ahhh…here it is…

To all my female type readers…lets get naked...
in a hot tub full of Jell-o…..Ooops….

Ahh…

To all my female readers,, have a wonderful and happy
New Year…nope that’s not right either…

To all my female readers,, (so far so good) …
Have a Wonderful and Happy Valentines day…
(Yeah that’s sappy enough,, yeah I like that)….

You too furry person……

Special editors note:
Didn't think I could read a sundial did you?.....

FLUID RELEASE SYSTEM.................


FLUID RELEASE SYSTEM…………….

Bladder Control to Brain Command: Do you read me?...
Brain Command here: Go ahead Bladder Control…
Bladder Control: ahh,, we have a fully loaded fluid reservoir
down here,, can you wake up body to release build-up?...
Brain Command: Roger that…
Brain Command to Body Control: Start wake-up procedures…
Body Control: What?,, its 2 am Brain Command,, what for?…
Brain Command: Bladder Control is afraid of dam bust of
fluid reservoir,, over…
Body Control: Roger that,, starting wake-up sequence now…
Brain Command: All stations prepare for body wake-up,,
brace yourselves…increase awkgo drip to 15%,,
increase mogo 23%...activate electron pathways…
Body Control: All stations alerted…

(grrr,, grrr, grrr)

Body Control to Brain Command: Initial start-up sequence
failure,, please increase mogo to 42%,, rebooting start-up
sequence,, stand by…
Brain Command: Ahh,, Roger that…
Bladder Control: Pressure increasing,, 110% and rising…
Body Control: Slight head movement from pillow…

(grrr,, grrr)

Brain Command to Bladder Control: Increase emergency
holding systems to 125%...
Bladder Control: Roger,, I don’t think it can take anymore…
Brain Command: Increasing mogo to 67%,, all station alert,,
for sudden movement…

(grrr,, grrr,, what the?)

Body Control: Head off pillow 15%,, vision function 0%...

(WARNING,, WARNING,, WARNING)

Body Control to Brain Command: Emergency shutdown
procedure activated… please advise…head back on pillow…
all re-start failure… please advise…
Brain Command: All stations remain calm,, it’s just like training…
activate emergency wake-up procedure Delta 4,, now…
awkgo drip increased to 85%,, mogo increased to 126%.. .

(grrr,,grrr,, what the?,, it’s 2 am…crap,, got to take a piss)

Body Control: Body rising,, vision control at 10%...
Brain Command to Feet Control: Prepare for walking maneuvers...
Feet Control: Roger that…
Body Control to Brain Command: Sir,, I have a yellow warning
light down here,, ‘cold feet’…
Brain Command: ahhh,, Roger…overriding ‘cold feet’ warning
light now…
Feet Control: Hard surface found,, increase vision control
and stabilizers…
Brain Command: Roger that….all station alert….
we have movement…
Body Control: Vision at 27%,, stabilizers at 42%...
Brain Command to Vision Control: Increase vision to 50%...
Brain Command to Steering Control : Proceed with caution to
fluid release area…
Steering Control: Roger that…stabilizers falling to 22%...
yellow warning light…
Brain Command: Hang on people…we’re almost there…
Bladder Control to Brain Command: Activating fluid release
system now…
Brain Command: Good work people…
Bladder Control: Pressure dropping…60%,, 35%,, 12%...
fluid evacuation procedures complete…
Brain Command to all Stations: Proceed with re-entry
to cover zone…………………………..

TWO MIMES.............

(Mime #1)
.
(Mime #2)
.
(Mime #1)
.
(Mime #2)
.
(Mime #1)
.
.
.

Special editors note:
Normally I don’t allow Mimes or Hungarian midgets
on my site,, but this time I felt they had something
important to say,, and something everybody should hear…

Yes I know,, its the best thing I've posted all month...........

Monday, February 11, 2008

JUST ME......................

You know,, since I’ve been a member of the Blogland
community,, I’ve had numerous requests,, questions,,
obscene E-Grams,, and inventive pictograms,, all of them
wanting to know the answer to the very same question…
Which is “Who the f**k do you think you are?”…
Well in order to answer that question once and for all,,
I’ve decided to post some pics of myself so that you might
know just a little more about me,, my interests and my life
style in general…
Here they are….enjoy…I hope these satisfy all your
inane curiosity………….

here I am looking for the cheese curl I lost under the
seat last Tuesday…

me taking a nap during my ride for the yellow jersey
in the 2002 Tour-De-France…

here I am trying to commit suicide after the Giants win
in the Superbowl…


me listening for the sound of caribou at the corner of
5th and Walbash,, yes,, its an old Indian trick…


me after Catz said I couldn’t annoy her any more…

me after Drowsey said I couldn’t annoy her either…

me after realizing that my dog has sex more than I do…

no,, I’m not drunk,, I’m just looking for the eatable
pieces of chewing gum under the bench…

I didn’t find any chewing gum under this bench so I
decided to take a nap,, I love naps…

me after being hit in the head with a watermelon by
AstroBob because I gave him a moon shot he didn’t like…

this is me after my first lesson on how to ride a
dirt bike…

me after winning the all you can eat contest at Taco Johns

me after Montezuma’s revenge…

yes,, this is the real me…I died two weeks later with
a smile of my face….and elsewhere…….
.
.
.
EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS PIC…........................
Some Nanook construction workers in Toronto
Look closely,, these are two of the smart ones…

Sunday, February 10, 2008

please senor,,
POST NO BILLS...OR HILLARYS
DO MY SUBJECTS LOVE ME?
Yes my queen
DO MY SUBJECTS ADORE ME?
Yes my queen
DO MY SUBJECTS WANT ME TO RULE THEM FOREVER?
Yes my queen
WILL MY SUBJECTS DO ANYTHING FOR ME?
Yes my queen
GOOD,, BRING ME A ROASTED PEASANT…I’M HUNGRY

THE SITH QUEEN FALLS

I'M LOSING,, boo hoo hoo...
WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER...
F**K YOU SCUMBAG...................

Friday, February 8, 2008

#@%*&**&*%$@# SNOW AGAIN !................


This is me after trying to dig out.................

#@%*&**&*%$@# SNOW AGAIN !................

You know for some reason I’m beginning to dislike winter…
Its #@%*&**&*%$@# snowing again…I think we here
in the land of clinical psychosis boredom zoo have already
had more total #@%*&**&*%$@# snow than we have had in
the last five years…Except for that one day,, yes it was a
Tuesday when we had 28 #@%*&**&*%$@# inches of
fairie poo snow…It came down in buckets,, cats and dogs,,
with thunder and lightning (very very exciting),,
#@%*&**&*%$@# snow covered bovine where falling from
the sky,, and giant icy igloos the size of Oprah Winfrey,,
with mukluk covered Nanooks bouncing all over the yard…
The roads became impassable,, the Governor declared a
Def-Con 4 emergency,, lots of moronos had to be rescued from
their cars and 18 wheeler baby buggy stompers on the freeway…
Unfortunately a number of them (about 12 dozen) were
accidentally run over by the cops who were using APCs as
emergency vehicles…Finally the Governor (a non-Hillaryite)
took some much needed action and declared that the state was
now located below the Mason-Dixon line and warmer days
would soon be here…they were… about 4 months later…

As for me at that time,, I had it easy,, almost…I was stuck at
the airport…I had a ticket in my furry paw that said
‘destination Acapulco’…If the #@%*&**&*%$@# snow had
just waited 35 minutes I would have been gone…And laughing
as I was carried away into the majestic sunshine…
But it didn’t…for 372 million hours I was trapped in the airport…
You ever been trapped in an airport?...Don’t be…
Its scary as you watch humanity descend into the primal abyss…
Backwards into the George of the Jungle days…Its like
Planet of the Apes,, except without the scantly clad Hotties,,
at least they were fully clad for the first thousand hours…
The first warning signs of total collapse,, is that all the hard as
concrete plastic chairs are all occupied,, some of them have two
or three families in one chair…Some are used as foot stools by
leather clad bikers…Do not ask them for the chair…
This is a warning…I saw for myself what happens when
someone does…It was a blue haired old lady that asked for
the chair,, she must have been about 180 yrs old and
about 65 lbs…She was roasted toasted sprinkled with
Bar-B-Q sauce and eaten within 8 seconds…You’ve been warned…

The next signs of the total collapse of civilized society is that
all the airplane blankets are taken,, as are the marshmallow
sized pillows…Then the pay phones don’t work,, the airport
personnel mysteriously disappear,, where do they hide?...
Then the toilets backup and gush like Trevi fountains spuing forth
brown sludge that walks upright…

So much water starts to fill the airport that even Moses couldn’t
part it…By hour number 146 its now unsafe even to venture
within 10 thousand feet of a vending machine,, unless you have
an Uzi,, with six mags…Don’t even think about going near the
coffee or gift shops or the restaurants…
They were looted sacked pillaged and burned within the first
36 hours by frequent flyers who know what’s about to happen,,
and have learned from experience to get what you can fast
and horde as much as possible…And that tabloid magazines
really do make excellent toilet paper…

I’m not really sure what happens next,, but I’ve heard stories
about that day…About human sacrifices to the Sun Gods,,
cannibalism,, Hungarian midgets forced to have sex with mimes,,
babies sold for a cracker…It must have been horrible…
As for me…I found a safe hiding place,, in an unlocked janitor
closet…Just before locking myself in I grabbed a drunken
stewardess (hey it might get cold)...
Then I welded the door shut using a quarter and a Bic lighter…
(I learned how to do that from watching MacGyver)…
When I was finally rescued and stepped into the fluorescent
lighted causeway,, I was shocked at the images before me...
It would have made Romero proud… There was blood
everywhere,, half eaten arms and limbs on the floor and hanging
from the ceiling…A nightmare scene…

Of the 8,631 persons that were believed to be trapped within
that airport,, only 27 were found,, I was one of the lucky ones…
What happened to the stewardess?...I don’t know,, maybe she
escaped thru a trap door or something…But I can truthfully tell
you that Drain-O can be used to cook with and that
window cleaner is not as poisonous as everyone thinks…
Cotton leaves a bad after taste,, as does silk…Rayon and polyester
are not too bad if eaten with hand soap…And metal buckles and
zippers need a lot of chewing…

So as I look thru my window watching the
#@%*&**&*%$@# snow,, I’m reminded of that day…
And I keep the key to my front door right next to me……..

Thursday, February 7, 2008

SHES HOT & SHES MINE...........

I know she’ll be waiting for me
As she always is
I grab her up and take her to
My special place
Slowly I undo her wrap
It falls away easily as it has many
Times before
I can see her now
A beauty before me
Warm and inviting
Her fragrance is intoxicating
I take hold of her now
And bring her to me
Holding her firmly in my hands
She’s warm to the touch
I can see her clearly now
She’s moist,, and ready for me
Should I hurry or savor the moment?
Slowly slowly
Just a little nibble on the right
Then a little nibble to the left
A mixture of flavors overwhelm me
She is all mine,, no one else can have her
I can’t hold back any longer
I must have her
Ahhhhhhhh
All too soon its over,, a delight
I close my eyes just for a moment
And then I know she is gone
The essence of her has vanished too quickly

Oh well,, I better eat my fries before
they get cold…good thing I got biggie sized…

Don’t you just love fast food……………

SATANS BRIDE SMACK DOWN.......

I FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY AND
STING LIKE A BEE,, THE EVIL
HILLARY AIN’T GONNA BE THE
NOMINEE…

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE MOVIES?......

WARNING WARNING: LONG POST...............

1…..Britney vs. Madonna……….Star wars
2…..Medusa rides southwest……..Snakes on a Plane
3…..Not the first or the second male……The Third Man
4…..Watch helper……………Citizen Kane
5…..Fruit centered time arm……..Pit & the Pendulum
6…..Queens husband looks at women………King Leer
7…..Frozen appendage bible chapter……….Cool Hand Luke
8…..Untamed after zero……………The Wild Ones
9…..Male team helper tree sitter…………Batman and Robin
10…A wet causeway……………….The River
11…Peking village…………….Chinatown
12…Feline metal shingles in August………….Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
13…Possible lumber in dodgers home………A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
14…Pitt walks the trail………………Star Trek
15…Famished…………………………The Hunger
16…Not low but very strong……….The High and the Mighty
17…Dentist sex………………….The Agony and the Ecstasy
18…Twisted fibers………………The Rope
19…A pane in the back……….Rear Window
20…Not 8 not 9 orders……………….10 Commandments
21…A wonderland eatery…………….Alice’s Restaurant
22…Tweety bird gangster……………Robin Hood
23…A poke by gt281……………….A Touch of Evil
24…Not some commanders males………All the Presidents Men
25…A god unlucky……………………Apollo 13
26…Not sour twice in southern town………..Sweet Sweet Charlotte
27…Crab house cover…………………..Fiddler on the Roof
28…Cheese eaters not women………….Of Mice and Men
29…Abode of candle residue…………..House of Wax
30…Squishy end of a wood stick……….Eraser
31…Up after eleven…………………….High Noon
32…Island rabbit killer………………Maltese Falcon
33…Magical muppet…………………The Wizard of Oz
34…First woman part…………………Adams Rib
35…Muddy president…………………Dirty Harry

Well wasn’t that a lot of fun…what a bunch of cream filled
donut heads…I’m very very very disappointed in all of you…
Especially you FaerieKat…I had a very special prize waiting
for the winner but nobody got the required minimum 15 correct
answers even to qualify for a chance to win…

THE SCORE TOTALS:
Catz:…0…(not surprising)
Swubird…0…(needs to get out more)
Drowsey…1/2...(too many You-Tubes)
Astrobob…0…(no wonder we can’t get to Mars)
FaerieKat:...9…(I had high hopes,, but they were crushed)

And the winner is........drumroll please.......gt281.....plllltttthhhh

Saturday, February 2, 2008

ODE TO A NATION..............

Bold riders on cobblestones about
Giving everyone a shout
One if by land two if by sea
The call went out for freedom for liberty

Red coats in line marching on the green
Flintlocks fire the torch is lit
No turning back this is it
Freedom loving true and brave
Rush forward to battle on the day
Concord Mass.,, Bunker hill
They're there still

Valley Forge,, Washington over the Delaware
Caught the Hessians unaware
Shoeless men muskets flare
Saratoga hero Arnold
West Point traitor Benedict
Gates made to sway,, caught against the bay

7 years of sweat and blood
Freedomland born we love

Quiet over the land
Washington uses a steady hand
Freedom liberty justice is ready to stand
All inclusive,, except the women and the Blackman
Washington,, Adams,, Jefferson,, Franklin
They give meaning to the words apon the page
Stars and stripes forever may they wave

Cannons rumble bayonets shinning flare
Redcoats again from Trafalgar Square
Southlands under seize by tyranny
New Orleans was Old Hickory’s call
Bayonets made to fall Jackson above them all
White house proves his destiny
To the West to the West young man
Lewis and Clark mapped the unknown land
Redman in his ancestral homes made to roam
Calvary sent to make him relent
Freedom liberty justice not given to all

Nation divided from North to South
Slavery in the South was the shout
Injustice chains the Blackman’s hand
Blood of brothers across the land
Self evident-truths left behind
The blue and the grey in long battle lines
The test of a nation to undo its sins
Liberty freedom and justice for all
Pillars of a mighty nation about to fall

Fort Sumter,, Vicksburg,, Chancellorsville
Slaughtered youth in the Wilderness
Corpses and heroes lay on every side
It is a bloody tide,, dark years before victory
Lee,, Grant,, Jackson,, Sherman,, Longstreet,, McClellan
Names carved in our history
Harpers Ferry,, Cold Harbor,, Antietam,, Shiloh
Death unbound along the Sunken Road
Shoeless boys at Gettysburg
The devils triangle,, cemetery ridge,, little round top
Kin against kin,, brother against brother it will not stop

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. (Abraham Lincoln,, November 19, 1863)


Tribute to the fallen blue and grey
Two years behind,, two years ahead
Mothers weeping among the dead
In shallow graves the valiant rest
Atlanta in ashes,, Sherman to the sea
Blood washed victories
Amendment to set all men free
"With malice toward none; with charity for all”

Appomattox a final painful victory
Lee honorable in his defeat
A weary nation is reborn
Booth a name of infamy
Lincoln dead,, saver of liberty

Days of numbers the years entwine
Twin lines of steel to the westward way
Across a wide nation they were laid
Indian nations made to pay
Sitting Bull,, chiefs of many nations
Standing proud against Custer’s cavalry
Custer with his vanity too bold
In an unmarked grave he lays cold
Trails of tears,, gone are the buffalo days
In reservations the Redman is made to stay
Forever gone is freedom of the prairie

Twisted strands of ranching wire
Dividing the land into farms and fields
Voices across the telegraph sing
Cities of granite stone and steel
Industrial revolutions on the wheel
Soaring into a new century
Plenty for all,, all for plenty
Faceless workers toil for the penny
Mighty are the robber barons
Steel oil trains coal and money
Rich are the few,, many are the hungry

Factories of smoke and ash
Steel columns form the New World skyline
Remember the Maine
San Juan Hill a Rough Rider forward
Spanish made to concede
Teddy rides into the great house
A way to the west thru the Panama
Carved with jaws of steel lives of men

Businesses rise businesses fall
Monopolies broken by the bully pulpit
Dark clouds forming apon the European lands
Kaiser in his vest pushes everyone west
Isolation in the land of the free is the call
We stand here not a help at all
Silent killers from the ocean deep
Lusitania near the coast no more
War war let the cannons roar
A nation seeks to settle the score

In fields muddy and vast
The youth of many nations do not last
Trenches filled with the living dead
New ways to slaughter humanity
Gas tanks airplanes and machine guns
Make red the ground
Millions sacrificed beneath the cannons sound
The Hun beaten back
The war to end all wars is done
Homeward bound are the young

Roaring twenties a carefree time
But only for a short while
Gangsters fill the papers with their smiles
Dust blows over the West apon every mile
Uneasy sits the token
Banks backs are broken
Soup lines for every hour
Poverty and uncertain is a days pay
Hoovervilles fill the squares
Will you buy my apple for a dime

Grey and grey every day
Someone new must lead the way
FDR promises to know what’s true
Acts apon acts laws apon laws
To restart the mighty nation moving
Out with the old in with the New Deal
He now guides the nation to Oh Happy Days

Tyranny rising again in the Deutschland
France Poland Belgium the Netherlands
All fall before swastika blitzkrieg
Brits stood alone,, a nation of the brave
Innocents under the Nazi blade
Battleship row breached a mighty blow
Pearl Harbor starts our bloody road
United front against Hitler Mussolini and Tojo
Now its freedoms round
Omaha Juno Sword and Gold
Forward ever forward went the brave and bold
With sword and lance to advance
Freedom all mighty given back to France
Tanks and bombers making a growling sound
Bastogne stood alone valiant rangers held the town

Patton and the Third delivering a Christmas present
Beating tyranny into the ground
Enola Gay on a fateful day
Ashen flash apon men and women
V-E day V-J day,, so many did pay
Promises to keep,, promises kept

Net of steel and woven wire
Blasted stone and concrete walls
Separate East from West
Freedom and liberty not in Stalin’s breast
Cold apon the dividing line
Bombers fill the sky to keep a city alive
Filled with supplies for a Berlin divided
Trying to keep hope alive against Stalin’s lies
Marshall’s plan was the fix
To restore nations worth and let freedom hold
Bulldog swept aside,, he was mightier that the rest
He barked and growled,, he passed the test
An island nation surely knew he was the best

Coldness in the air day and night
Atomic glows do not warm the soul
Hydrogen and plutonium atoms split apart
Easy to start a spark
If careless actions done in the dark
U.N. created to give mankind hope

Invasion from the North
Minions of evil bring darkness to the South
U.N. council seeks the vote
Brave youth from many lands
Sent to lend the South a hand
Trail of corpses in the frozen valleys
MacArthur beaten back
Not ready for the attack
Mighty ocean fleet carries the brave to Inchon
MacArthur gambit end round
Evil minions trapped in a steel wrapped vise
Northward northward was MacArthur’s shout
Truman decisive in his thoughts
MacArthur relieved from his bloody toil
Calmness and quiet brought back to the beginning
Uneasy lay the dead along the parallel

Blackness in the cold of space
Sputnik won the race
New terrors for the human face
ICBMs easily go round and round
No one safe on the ground
Shoes make pounding sounds
Khrushchev acts the barking fool
Kennedy keeps his cool
Bay of Pigs,, missile launchers
Blockade in October
Wise men talk then it is over

Flashes in Dallas
Greatness swept away by an evil hand
Tears and lament woe and sorrow

“I have a dream,, I have looked over the mountain”
Great man in a pool of red on the balcony
Watts,, Detroit,, cities of fire
Nation divided black and white
Civil rights was the song,, undo the years of wrong
Nations promises unkept,, Blackman weeping
Ambassador Hotel,, brother of great man bleeding
Brave fearless warriors
In rice paddies screaming
Bombers above,, wailing below
My Lai,, Khe Sanh,, Hue,, Tet
Generals inept to stem the evil tide
Bullets flying brave youth dying
Cronkite wails all is naught
Evil at the gate,, helicopters used to escape
What a waste of fearless youth all round
Nation scornful of the guardians
Spitting in their face,, a nation disgraced
No waves,, hugs or parades for them
Only a moaning wailing sound

Nation floundering near the abyss
Where is liberties kiss
Where is freedoms vow
Tranquility base here,, the Eagle has landed
Watergate,, president disgraced
New captains at the wheel
Embargo of oil and gas
Inflation unbound the token does not last
Wondering what went wrong,, Nation pauses
Time to remember freedoms song

To mars and beyond
80s and 90s the money sounds
Intel with the micro chip
Gates at the Window ship
Tyrant of the forgotten sand
Invasion of tiny Kuwait
Tyrant will not repent
Back of tyrants army broken
Schwarzkopf leads the parade
Gallant warriors on Park Avenue
Passing before the nations view
Applause applause we love you few

Silver wings into the towers
Evil rising once more at freedoms door
Falling glass steel and humanity
All brought down by a madman’s vanity
Nation staggered by the evil that was made
Lady in the harbor weeps tears of sorrow
Ashen clouds and grief filled streets
A madman’s day of victory fills the page
The call goes out to defeat his minions
Where they lay

To forgotten lands across the sea
Mighty warriors of a great land
Sent to destroy the evil there
Shock and awe on the video
Saddam captured and hung in the gallows
Serpents of Allah rendered into the sand
Freedoms voice can now be heard
Will freedom liberty and justice take hold
Will the sacrifice and victories be shallow
Only on the sunrise of the morrow
Can it be known

A mighty nation in God we trust
Goes forth into the vast unknown
Of history before us……………..

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS.............

ONLY 4 MORE DAYS UNTIL THE HOUSE FALLS........

THE FREDDY..................

Well it seems that DrowseyMonkey didn’t get any sleep last
nite and in her hallucinatory state of medicated Drowseyness
she gave me an award….Why she would do this I don’t know…
perhaps I’ve been too nice to her…I’ll have to change my ways
in order to avoid such things in the future…I’ve placed it on my
blog-ari-no only because I know that if I don’t she’ll keep
harassing me about it,, and maybe even show up on my
doorstep…that would be bad…
If she keeps it up I’ll send her another meme tag,, apparently
she didn’t learn the first time………

So since she’s shown me how mean and spiteful everyone in
Blogland can be,, I’ve decided to give out my own Award,,
(patent pending) to people who keep dropping by without notice,,
eat everything in my refrigerator,, drink all my beer and
annoy the B-jesus out of me….

The Freddy Award goes to the following really really really
annoying ‘persons’…….

DrowseyMonkey……….(a Nanook)
CatzMews……………..... (a Nanook)
AstroBob………………....(a Nanook)
FaerieKat………………...(a Wicca)
Lorelei………………….....(a Raleighite)

You ‘girls’ may not have noticed,, but AstroBob has
now received 2 Awards….you’ll have to try harder to
keep up……......................pppllllltttthhhhh

Friday, February 1, 2008

WHOOPASS LICENSE..................

WHOOPASS LICENSE…………
Well another week at work has gone by and I’m
glad its over…What a train wreak…I had 27 e-grams in
my mailbox all asking the same thing…’When are you going to
be done with my project?’…buttheads…I sent each one back
this message... ’Well,, if you’d stop asking me that question,,
I would have been done two days ago’…
camelheaded morons…
Their being ungrateful morons got me to thinking,, which is
always a dangerous thing for anyone to do…

I got to thinking about the morons of this world and I was
also thinking about how the government could lower my taxes
and pay off the National Debt...So I came up with a solution that
solves both problems at the same time…
It’s the greatest idea since sardines on pizza…
The solution to the governments money problems and too
everyone elses (mainly mine),, is for the government to sell
Whoopass licenses,, that can be used to beat the living crap out
of morons…The way I figure it,, everybody wins…

The government get lots of money per license,, and morons get
what’s coming to them,, all nice and legal…

Here’s my plan,, any US citizen aged 18 to say 60,, can buy up
to 7 whoopass licenses per year,, to use on any US born or
naturalized citizen,, except the President,, got to give him some
slack,, because,, well he’s the President…Besides if the President
was eligible he’d never get anything done,, there would be a line
circling the globe just to give him a Whoopass…
The government could charge,, say $2500.00 per license and
make lots of easy cash,, and as a bonus,, if you buy 7 licenses all
at once you get an 8th one free,, but the 8th one can only be
used on morons or nutsos in airports…
Sounds good to me,, however there would have to be some
restrictions or rules of course,, everything has rules and this
plan is no exception…

Rule #1…each whoopass license can only be used once and then
must be torn up…
Rule #2…the receiver that you want to give the whoopass to,,
must receive it gracefully and calmly,, no crying,, begging or
bribing allowed…
Rule #3…no one under the age of 16 can be whoopassed
by a whoopass license holder,, mainly because everyone under
16 is stupid,, and their hormones are running wild
making them more stupid…So their excused,, however their
parents can give them an unlicensed whoopass at any time…
Rule #4…no one over the age of 60 can be whoopassed,,
mainly because their old and senile and giving them a whoopass
at that age would just make things worse…
Rule #5…a proxy whoopasser can be used…This is mainly
because there are lots of 80lb tweebs out there that would just
love to give a whoopassing to the gorilla office managers
among us,, so their allowed to hire anyone they want to do the
whoopassing…I suggest WWF wrestlers…
Rule #6…the whoopassing should not go too far…
It’s a Whoopassings not an Iranian wedding,, so no breaking of
bones are allowed,, except the nose…The whoopasser must only
use their fists,, feet,, knees,, or elbows to do the whoopassing…
No blunt instruments or chairs are allowed…
Rule #7…should both parties have whoopass licenses,, the
licenses do not cancel each other out…Use them at that time or
wait until the other party is not looking…
Rule #8…a get out of whoopassing free card can be purchased
from the government for,, say $120,000,000…
and can only be used once…This should keep the rich morons
getting their just ‘desserts’…
Rule #9…should a whoopass receiver try to run away or
hide and not take his/her whoopassing as noted in Rule #2,,
they will immediately loose their US citizenship and be
extradited to Iran,, where whoopassing is free,, no license
required…
Rule #10…extra credit towards a free whoopass license can be
gained by using your current whoopass license on mimes or
French persons who speak French while in the US…
Rule #11…a special whoopass license can be purchased at
any time,, no limits on how many you can purchase,, for the
price of say,, $50.00…This special whoopass license can only
be used on illegal aliens…Earth type or space type,,
doesn’t matter…

I think this is a great plan,, it not only solves the moron problem
but also solves the National Debt problem too…
I’m sure it needs a bit of refinement but what doesn’t……….