THE GREATEST QUESTIONS

Well it was Saturday nite, bath nite, I do this religious very
Saturday whether I need it or not, and after I’m done getting all
soap bubbly clean, then I throw my dirty clothes in the tub and
do them.
Hey, I’m green…
Anyway, there I was just laying back soaking with the Mr. Bubble
bubbles floating thru the air and exploding on the ceiling or trying
to made a moon landing on the end of my nose…

BUBBLE: 540 feet, down at 30 [feet per second]...down at 15...
400 feet down at 9...forward...350 feet, down at 4...300 feet,
down 3 1/2...47 forward...1 1/2 down...13 forward...11 forward?
coming down nicely...200 feet, 4 1/2 down...5 1/2 down...
5 percent...75 feet...6 forward...lights on...down 2 1/2...40 feet?
down 2 1/2, kicking up some dust...30 feet, 2 1/2 down...
faint shadow...4 forward...4 forward...drifting to right a little...
O.K. ....
BATHTUB COMMAND: 30 seconds [fuel remaining].
BUBBLE: Contact light! O.K., engine stop...descent engine
command override off...
BATHTUB COMMAND: We copy you down, BUBBLE.
BUBBLE: BATHTUB COMMAND, Nose Base here.
The BUBBLE has landed!............

Yes, I have a lot of fun on Saturday nite with Mr. Bubble and my
cold 12 pack of Miller beer….Well, anyway, there I was getting all
soapy and slippery, just thinking about hot naked women who will
never get naked with me, then I had these really odd questions
that suddenly just popped right into my right ear and started
banging on the peanut casing of my brain. I got tired of their
incessant banging so I let them in, and now I’m gonna be real
mean and write them down, just for you, so you can be bothered
by them too.
Here are the deepest most puzzling questions of our times,
I hope someone has the answers to these questions because,
I don’t have a clue as to what they mean………

If thunder rolls,,… Does rain butter…
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When it rains & hails,,…Does that mean a taxi is coming...
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Do cows utters speak,,… Or do they just mumble a lot…
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If squirrels like nuts,,… Do they like washers too…
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A saddle has stirrups,,… But what is it mixing…
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If a cat has a cradle,,… Where did the baby go…
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If you put all your eggs in one basket,,…
How big an omelet can u make…
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If gas is lighter than air,,… Why do farts hang around so long…
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Since corn has ears,,…Does it listen…
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Is popcorn made with,,… Coke or Pepsi…
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Can you build a house,,…With moonbeams…
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If frogs are always croaking,,…Why do they still jump about…
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We now have e-mail,,… But what happened to the a,b,c,d-mail…
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Shoes have eyes,,…But can they see…
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If you are a spring chicken,,…Will you be a fall chicken later…
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There is a band called the who,,…Is there also a band called the
what, where, when, and why…
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When a chicken lays an egg,,…Does that mean we can’t get
tickets to its play…
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Is fowl play committed by just chickens,,…Or can any bird do it…
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If the transmission is scrambled,,… Does it come with bacon…
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If the fryin pan is not hot,,…Does the kettle still want a date…
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If the cook beats the batter,,…Can he get arrested…
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If the door is ajar,,…Can I put pennies in it…
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If night falls,,… Do stars stumble…
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If time waits for no man,,…Will it wait for a naked woman…
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When daylight breaks,,… Who glues it together again…
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If fairies dance,,… Can they get married in Connecticut…
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If bees make honey,,… What do cees make…
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If you hear something,,… Are you a hearder…
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If lightning strikes twice,,…Does it get another swing at the ball…
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If camels had three humps,,…Would they be called dormitories…
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Why are they called peanuts,,…Do they pee,, or are they just nuts…
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If the grass is greener on the other side,,…
Why do I mow three times a week…
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Where is the gasoline alley I keep hearing about,,…
I need to fill up my car…
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What kind of music comes from a bullhorn,,…
Is it classical or modern jazz…
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When the astronauts touched down on the moon,,…
Did they get six points and a field goal try…
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When beauty takes you breath away,,…Can she be arrested
for stealing…
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Why do cars have air bags,,… When I have a mother-in law…
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If time flies,,… Do flies time…
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If your house has shingles,,…Should you call a doctor…
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