Something to ponder on as you wander on

Some liars are born that way, some are self-made; but the really great ones are elected to Congress…

Saturday, September 29, 2007


I’ve noticed that in blogland that there are just a few basic
types of blogs,, and they are these:

1: THE ADVERT BLOG: where its filled with cereal box
click me thingies,, click me get two coupons free,,
click me get three coupons free and a pound of cat poop,,
learn how to do your own taxes,, click here,, Viagra,, click here,,
meet hot women who want to meet you,, click here,,….I hate those
sites,, sht I get enough adverts on my TV,, and the thing is they
have disabled the “back button” so you can’t get out,, so you have
to shut down your browser and restart again,, isn’t that nice of them..

2: THE HOW-TO BLOG: this is where you can learn how to crochet
a cozy for your toilet paper,, or make an orange daisy hat,,
something I’ve always wanted to do,, or maybe it’s a site on how to
skin that raccoon you found on the highway,, and make it into some
earmuffs or some mittens for your friends,, these sites are always
very professionally done (not like my site at all),, they have
2 billion bit color photos and black and white diagrams,,
with 1 by 1 by 1 step instructions on how to make things,,
come back next week to learn step two,, and don’t forget to
subscribe to our how-to book club...

3: THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE BLOG: I skip on by these because
I can’t read Egyptian hieroglyphs…

best,, because they have humorous tales to tell about what happened
when they went on vacation,, or went to the store and were attacked
by three deranged persons in “where’s waldo” costumes,, or they just
make observations on how stupid we all are,, or they just have a
silly story they have written and have now posted for someone like
me to wander by and read,, yes I like these the best...

5: THE DAILY JOURNAL BLOG: where it’s a journal of their daily
events,, there seems to be a lot, a lot of these sites...

So since I haven’t done anything like no.5 above,, I thought I’d tell
you what my daily routine is…
What GT281 does each and every week… its real exciting…not…

MONDAY: I usually get up around 2-3 in the morning because
I really really have to go pee,, do to the fact that I drank coffee all
Sunday night,,(more about that later),, I stand there peeing for
about five minutes with my eyes closed,, hoping the lid is up and
my aim is good…having gotten rid of the twelve cups of coffee
I had the night before,, I stumble into the kitchen and turn on the
coffee pot,, the coffee pot doesn’t have any water or fresh coffee
grounds in it,, so somehow I manage to get that all set up and
working,, I stand there like a Sam Raimi zombie,, with sand
filled eyes waiting for enough coffee to be brewed to fill my cup,,
its always too hot,, hot enough to melt plastic and I immediately
have to spit it out all over the kitchen sink and cabinets,,
putting a new tongue in,, I try it again,, by now I’m awake just
enough to put some water in it so its drinkable,, I now stumble
thru the house and end up on the recliner sofa and pop up the
foot rest and have some coffee,, about 40 minutes later I wake
up with a start because I spilled coffee into my lap while I was
checking for leaks in my eyelids... back to the coffee pot,,
I now turn on DTV and float away listening to 70s-80s oldie goldies,,
I have DTV,, with its 500 channels but I never watch anything,,
I just listen to the music stations,, I pay $95 a month to do that,,
something not quite right there,, I’ll have to check into that later,,
it gets to be about 5 o-clock so I tumble into the shower,, then take
another 5 minute pee and do the sink routine,, get dressed and wait
for that golden moment when its time to head out the door and
to work,, which for me,, is around 10 till 6,, I put the dogs out and
then ten minutes later let them back in again…
I have more coffee while I wait…

When the golden moment arrives I hop into my Columbo mobile
and drive down the highway,, thank God the car knows where
its going,, it only takes about 30 minutes or so to get to work,,
unless of course I get behind the shthead with the cellphone stuck
in his ear,, then it of course takes a lot longer..
sometimes I stop for a $3 egg-Mac-MUFFIN and orange juice,,
sometimes I don’t…getting to work and my cubbie,,
I check my e-mail boxes (all 6 of them),, nothing,,
Now because we’re slow at work I don’t have anything to do,,
I browse thru the internet,, viewing blogs,, news stories,,
jokeland etc,, I try to stay away from the girlie sites,, because
the boss,, has a reader and he can tell where I’ve been on the net..
about 8:00 I step out for a cigarette and watch all the other zombies
stumbling from their cars with Starbucks coffee in hand and into
the building,, some have stopped and got donuts or bagels,,
they never offer me any,, I hate them,, I like bagels,,
stingy bastards.. back to my cubbie…

9:00 go outside and have cigarette,, 10:00,, repeat 9:00,, 11:15,,
Repeat 9:00,, but add stopping to chat with hotty receptionist,,
I like her,, too bad she wouldn’t get naked with me,, she has a
real big mad bomber biker for a boyfriend,, so I have to be careful..
Lunchtime.. normally don’t do lunch,, cuz I’m fat,, return to cubbie
and wander the net.. 1:00,, repeat 9:00,, 2:00 & 3:00,, repeat 9:00,,
throughout the day I hit the vending machines,,
$1 for a 24oz mountain dew,, times four,, .75 for some chez-its,,
(2 chez-its and a bag of stale air),, 3:30,, out the door,,
a drive on the 18 wheeler-clogged freeway and then home,,
greeted at the door by my dogs,, the best “people” I know…

Always happy to see me,, start the coffee pot and let the dogs out,,
hit the couch again,, have some coffee,, I’m awake enough now so
I put the coffee cup on the table by me,, turn on DTV,, and once
again listen to music,, fall asleep,, because my eyeballs have been
burnt out while I was looking at the silicone screen all day,,
about an hour later,, I’m awakened by the dogs scratching on
the door,, oops forgot to let them back in,, go pee for 5 minutes,,
turn on the computer at home and check my e-mail,, none,,
browse thru blogland and the net,, or maybe try to write a
funny story,, to post,, which no one will ever read,, except me,,
have some left-over whatever,, maybe not,, feed the dogs,,
let them back out again around 9:00,, bring em in again about 9:15,,
and then to bed about 9:30… exciting ain’t it…

TUESDAY: repeat Monday
WEDNESDAY: repeat Tuesday or Monday,, you pick
THURSDAY: repeat Monday,, Tuesday or Wednesday,,
adding meeting at work,, which usually gets canceled…
FRIDAY: repeat,, except leave ½ hour early,, because its Friday…
SATURDAY: repeat most of Monday,, except I don’t get dressed,,
I just wander around in my bathrobe,, I’d weed the gardens,,
but the weeds have won that war,, maybe next year,, could pick
some veggies,, but there aren’t any,,
the animals and birds got them all...
SUNDAY: repeat Saturday, except Sunday is movie day,,
meet my sisters at the mall to see the latest wham-bam
special effects killer thriller from La-La land…
sometimes on Sunday,, I get to play handyman at my sisters,,
I don’t get paid for this,, but I do get too have lots of fun in the attic,,
getting sweaty with all the fiberglas insulation sticking to
every inch of me,, what a thrill…

NEW WEEK: repeat all of the above…
Just think,, I have only 15 more years of this until I retire,,
to Mac-Ds,, as a ringer-dinger for your Mac-BURGER…
Now you know the extra exciting world of GT281…
(I hear its going to be made into a movie,, with Brad Pitt as me)

Somebody shoot me please…………………………

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