A ZOMBIE MORNING………………………..Thank Saint Jujubean its over,, each year it gets harder and harder
to survive the sugar-plum fairy season…
Lets recap:
27 hrs of mall shopping,, minions 347,, gt281 0…A total mismatch,,
4 credit cards maxed out and cut to ribbons by angry tellers,,
1 credit card caught fire while going thru the scanner…
Broken ankle from a fat lady driving a motorized cart,, its not
really broken its just swollen up to the size of a cantaloupe…
Slipped on the ice twice,, making a really big impression of my
wallet on my buttocks…Podiatrists appointment for next Friday…
Why do they have to make malls longer than four aircraft carriers,,
and two stories high?.. With the only escalators at each end…
I did good this year,, I only locked myself out of the car once,,
but having learned from years gone by,, I now carry a spare
door key…1 new shopping cart dent in the passenger side door…
1 sick dog to the vet,, do to its eating a poinsettia leaf…2 bottles of
Bayer aspirin,, gone,, vanished…Tums supply depleted…
beer and liquor supply gone…I’m down to only two Doans
pills now…10 lb weight gain in 2 hours,, before dinner…
6 Christmas bulbs broken,, 2 while putting them on the tree and
4 broken because the dogs like walking under the tree…
8 loads of dishes to do,, and a refrigerator full of leftovers…
Lots of nice gifts from my sisters tho…Its just that I didn’t know
there were so many ugly ties in the world,, and they all light up,,
or glow in the dark…Four alarm headache from trying to untangle
last year Christmas lights…next time I’ll just buy new,, its easier…
I am now the worlds record holder for watching
“It’s a wonderful life”…1 cigarette burn in the sofa,, cuz I fell
asleep at midnight while wrapping ‘Santas’ gifts…1 broken snow
shovel…6lbs of ice melt…
Thank goodness this only happens once a year………..
Special note:
For sale…1 loaf of fruit cake,, unopened,, vintage,, slight
freezer burn of one side,, original packaging…will ship to you……
5 comments:
sounds like you were living my shopping hell! I wish I had thought of that extra key thing... quite inventive, but not nearly as much fun as waiting for the good looking guys in the AA truck!
to catz:
we all live in our own special mall of hellshopping this time of year…I too would gaze apon the buttusmazimus of AA drivers,, if they were female,, but alas and woe,, they are not……..
I am exhausted from this post and thanking my lucky stars it wasn't me. Sorry about your ankle! And thank you for the rave review! Kathy
I'm still trying to picture you in a tie. And a blinky one at that?!
It is a proven fact that every Christmas season you lose 3.7% of your remaining sanity, never to be regained. At this point in my life, I have a mere 16.999474% left. You can lower your loss ratio to 3% even if you just get a fake tree and never take the lights or decorations off of it. Simply throw a sheet over it and put it in the garage (or out in the yard; local critters will add you to their Christmas card list if you do this and you can knock off another .02%). Leave the lights on the house all year long and you can lop off another .06%. However, just one single bite of fruitcake adds 17%, so be forewarned!
Post a Comment