Something to ponder on as you wander on


Some liars are born that way, some are self-made; but the really great ones are elected to Congress…
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Thursday, December 27, 2007

LITTLE KNOWN FACTS.................

1…a bull elephant can run at 12 miles an hour…
2…African pygmies can run at 10 miles an hour…
3…the African pygmy population is declining…
4…the Spanish Armanda couldn’t invade England
because they were going North and all Spaniards are rightists…
5…women use a frying pan to smash men over the head
because men are taller,, otherwise they would just use an
eyebrow pencil to poke them in the eye…
6…the human body is 96% water,, the rest is just there to keep
the water in,, so it doesn’t make a mess on the carpet…
7…men had more brain cells and bigger brains than women
until the year 203 BC…when beer was invented…
8…Topo Gigo is the only thing from France that people like,,
and he’s not real…
9…there are more male master chefs than women master chefs,,
because men know the difference between tsp and tbsp…
10…Santa wears a red suit,, so the elfs at the north pole can find
him in the snow,, after his all night binging on eggnog…
11…to a naked man in bed,, 6 inches always equals 12 inches…
12…Columbus wanted to find a quicker way to the far east
because there were no Chinese hookers in Europe…
13…the length of a red stop light matches exactly the length of
time it takes for a womens’ nail polish to dry…
14…chickens run faster with their head cut off because they don’t
have to look where their going…
15…sand people wear robes because jeans won’t go over their
curly toed shoes…
16…sand people always walk in single file to hide their
rocket launchers…
17…Coke and Pepsi use exactly the same ingredients,, people just
think their different do to advertising…
18…if you eat too much chocolate you will become Swiss…
19…tea drinkers outnumber coffee drinkers 7 to 1,, however
Irish coffee drinkers outnumber tea drinkers 2 to 1…
20…a cheetah can run at 70 miles per hour,, but only at 45 miles
per hour with a safari guide in its mouth…
21…there are no bathroom scales in Oprahs’ mansions…
22…Whoopee Goldbergs’ real name is,, Egadyourugly Goldberg…
23…snow is white because rainbows stole all the other colors…
24…rap music sounds the same backwards or forwards…
25…a fully loaded concrete truck traveling at 55 miles an hour can
flatten a $70,000 Hummer in 2 seconds…
26…a women at a red tag sale can max out 6 credit cards faster
than a speeding bullet shot thru limburger cheese…
27…Swiss cheese was invented by a Scotsman named McGregor
so he could make more cheese with the same ingredients and
sell it to the English…
28…the Protestant Reformation started because the English
found out they were getting Holy cheese from Scotland…
29…McD is the worlds largest maker of French fries,,
a 1 day supply of McFries when linked end to end will go from
Earth to Jupiter 14 times…
30…crack cocaine is sold in aluminum foil because its recyclable,,
condoms are not…
31…peanut butter has no butter in it at all,, and should not be
used on popcorn…
32…taffy was invented by a dentist in 1902,, to increase his
business in Jursey…
33…baseball is the only professional sport were 60% of fans fall
asleep before the 4th inning,, with 90% falling asleep after 7 innings…
34…the longest period a twenty dollar bill has been known to
stay in the purse of a women at Wallyworld is 20 seconds,,
but that’s only because she died of a heart attack…
35…mankind can now go to the moon and back in seven days,,
it takes the post office three days to deliver a letter
across the street …
36…more people are killed while driving attempting to miss the
deer in the road than people who are killed by hitting the deer…
37…never pick up a skunk or a Hungarian midget by the tail…
38…100% more women get pregnant from the use of a faulty
condom than do men…
39…nature invented toenails so that sock manufactures could
sell more socks…
40…clear fingernail polish should not be used to glaze donuts with…
41…women spend money faster than the US Mint can make it,,
thus causing the National Debt to continually rise…
42…when a man dies,, all the blood in his body rushes to his
groin area,, because the last two thoughts he has is of naked women
and his wanting to become a sex-crazed zombie after death…
43…glass is made clear so that peeping toms will have a job…
44…elephants are afraid of mice because it takes a long time for
them to get mouse guts out from between their toes…
45…wheelbarrows have only one wheel because kids on
mo-peds keep stealing the other two…
46…the Holy Bible is the largest selling book in the world because
it has in it lots of sex,, violence,, death,, sodomy,,
pillaging,, and naked dancers…much like Lord of the Rings…
47…Michael Vick now plays center in the shower instead
of quarterback in Atlanta…
48…dogs can hear you eating a cookie from two miles away…
49…a mule is a cross between a jackass and a horse,, a jackass can
normally be found in the corner office…
50…its easier to give an eight hundred pound wild gorilla an
enema then to get a women to admit she was wrong…
51…the word hygiene is not found in the French dictionary…
52…Napoleon always kept his hand inside his coat jacket because
he had a nipple fetish…
53…Velcro was invented to solve the problem of Polish soldiers
always tripping over their shoelaces…
54…the government makes you pay taxes so that government
employees can have 360 paid holidays,, the other days their
on sick leave…
55…John Tesh music is always played while you’re waiting on hold
so that you’ll get sick and hang-up…
56…unfortunately a Hawaiian lei is not the same as a Hawaiian lay…
57…the only difference between a Republican Presidential candidate
and a Democrat Presidential candidate,, is that ones an idiot and
the other is a moron…
58…rice is the main stable of Chinese cooking because dogs and
cats are more expensive and take longer to grow…
59…the Irish mafia failed because they couldn’t find the exit
from the pub…
60…only 1% of the worlds population is color blind,,
100% of fashion designers and interior decorators are color blind…
61…cats have nine lives,, because God hates us…
62…dog spelled backwards is God,, cat spelled
backwards is tac,, says a lot about cats don’t it?...
63…flys try to land on the end of your nose,, so they can look you
square in the eye and then piss on your upper lip…
64…the moon is not made of green cheese,, its made of left over
cotton lint from Gods college sweatshirt...
65…every day 4,000,000 more Chinese are born than any other
population group in the world,, in 2072,, everyone will be Chinese…

10 comments:

Catz said...

that is really not true about the Irish :(

Catz said...

but number 57 is absolutely true!

DrowseyMonkey said...

you got all the way down to 57? I'm impressed. I must say...your 'facts' about women spending money don't apply to me...or any other woman I know. But then again...I work hard for my money so I spend it wisely...and rarely.

gt281 said...

To Catz:
Would I make this stuff up?.. Every fact was triple verified by
a staff of 200 working long thru the weekend and over
the X-mas holiday…I personally had to hack into the ASPCA
data base just to verify #21, #45, and #51……

To Drowsey:
Perhaps women from the land of Nanook of the North
spend money differently than women in the land of the
Bushmiser…Or perhaps its because you have 14 months
of winter than keeps everyone from the mall…You do get
HSN up there don’t you?.........

Thanks for stopping by,, next time tho,, stay out of my
Refrg……..

DrowseyMonkey said...

What's HSN? I guess that would be a no.

The Faerie♥Kat said...

I'm not well enough yet to be reading facts like these; I about busted a gut laughing so hard! I think the dogs were about to call 911! Luved each and every fact and I know you would never ever say it if'n it weren't so! I worked for the Guvment, and on the one day a year I used to show up to get paid, statistics would definitely say it's all twue, twue, twue! Cackle!!

gt281 said...

To Faerie Kat:
Item #54 of course doesn’t include you,, I’m sure that you were slaving away 87 hrs a week just to keep the government of this fair land running….yeah right

The Faerie♥Kat said...

Pretty close! It was actually 87.893765 hours a week. I know this because they made me wear one of those ankle bracelet things. Of course, I do my best work while I'm asleep, but I can run in my sleep like a dog which jiggled the bracelet enough to fool them into paying me overtime, so everything worked out great!

Lydia said...

46…the Holy Bible is the largest selling book in the world because
it has in it lots of sex,, violence,, death,, sodomy,,
pillaging,, and naked dancers…much like Lord of the Rings…

There is none of that in the Lord of the Rings, I am quite sure, I've read the series multiple times.

gt281 said...

to Lydia:
You must have read the edited American version…
I read J.R.R. Tolkien's original manuscript while
visting him in 1946…And in his original manuscript
Gandalf the Grey had an affair with Arwen….If you believe
that,, then you have found the right Blog….
Where nothing is true and only the truth can set you free…