A WORD OF ADVICE

A WORD OF ADVICE………….
A word of advice for all you lovers,, husbands,, boyfriends
and UPS drivers,, (who party every afternoon with other mens
wives or girlfriends)... Never and I mean Never,, let me repeat,,
Never ever use your ‘honey bunnys’ eyebrow pencil for taking
messages,, or you’ll end up in purgatory for at least seven years,,
or at the very minimum,, in the unair-conditioned dog house for
a couple of days,, if your lucky….Who knew?,, why doesn’t
anybody tell me these things,, and why the hell did she leave
it on the kitchen counter,,’ by the phone’ in the first place…
If it’s that damn important,, why doesn’t she keep it in her purse,,
you know that thing she carries around that’s the size of a
duffel bag…
Geez… There I was just minding my own business,, scratching
my private parts,, watching football on TV,, the Raiders were of
course losing again,, there I was all alone in the house,, her being
out shopping was the only reason I was allowed to be watching
football in the first place… But anyway,, there I was peacefully
minding my own business,, just watching football,, when the
phone rang,, normally I just ignore the phone and let it ring,,
until the caller hangs up…Hey,, if it’s important they’ll call back,,
but it kept on ringing,, and ringing,, and ringing…

Now as the phone was ringing the Raiders had a 2nd and 15 on
the 40 yrd line,, and their behind by 10 in the fourth quarter,,
so I was kinda interested on what has about to happen,, but then
I got to thinking,, well maybe shes been in an accident or
something and that’s why the phone won’t shut up…Well,,
just then the Raiders made a good play and now its 3rd and 5,,
hey,, they have a chance,, maybe they could get a touchdown
and maybe just maybe win or tie the game up…
I was distracted,, OK,, I admit that…So after the Raiders got in
their huddle,, I ran to the phone to see who the hell was calling…
Nope,, it wasn’t an emergency,, at least not to me,, it was one of
her damn girlfriends,, calling to remind my ‘honey bunny’ that
she’d be late for their ‘girlie’ meeting tonight,, and that my
‘honey bunny’ should call her to get all the details,, and then
she rattled off her phone number,, which of course I would never
remember,, so I quickly grabbed the first pencil looking thing I
could find to take her number down,, as this number exchange
meeting was going on,, I could hear coming from the living room
a lot of crowd noises from the football game on TV…
Hey,, what’s going on,, I’ve got to know,, did the Raiders score
a touchdown?,, did they fumble the ball again?,, what?,, what?…
I was distracted... I admit it…

I did however notice while I was hurriedly scribbling down her
girlfriends phone number that the lead in my pencil was
awfully soft,, and it wrote like a crayon,, but that was just
for a second,, certainly not enough time for it to register on
my brain,, not while the game was on…So there you have it,,
that’s how I ended up in the dog house,,
I wish I had bought a sleeper sofa….

I can only hope that my punishment for her leaving her stinking
eyebrow pencil in the kitchen where it didn’t belong,,
will not be to long…So as a last word of advice
to all you male football loving morons out there,,
DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE WHILE THE GAME IS ON
Oh yeah…the Raiders lost again…maybe next year……..