SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST part 4

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST ……….
(EPISODE 4)
Sigmarr,, Kergin,, and 3 men now went about searching thru
the ruins,, the other 3 were left to guard the horses and supplies…
Their torches were brightly lit as they searched thru-out the
fallen stones,, but nothing could they find,, then to the forgotten
tower they went,, searching for a clue of where the shield of Njordist
might be…The tower stood solid among the trees,, its blacken
stones where still intact,, inside they found spiraling steps leading
to the top,, only Sigmarr and Kergin climbed the steps,,
the other 3 men were left to guard and keep a wary eye for creatures
that maybe about… At the top,, the room was stable,, its floor was
covered with white leaves,, fungus and dust,, fallen roof timbers
were scattered about as were some broken tables and chairs,,
all blackened now... It made searching the room more difficult,,
Sigmarr and Kergin stepped cautiously thru the debris searching
for something that would lead them to the shield,, this was the
beacon stones,, was it not??... Kergin saw them first,, lying scattered
among the timbers on the floor,, 3 Spindleduff Orbs,,
called witches Orbs by most,, evil things they are…
Two were broken,, but the third was still intact,, it had a golden
glow within it…evil things they are… Kergin looked within the orb
and then Sigmarr,, and it was cast to break apon the floor…
A golden mist now streamed from the orb,, it swirled and twisted,,
and then it began to take shape,, the shape of a
golden wood sprite now…

The sprite fluttered its glowing golden wings and hovered in front
of Sigmarr and Kergin…
“Thank you, thank you,, for releasing me from my cage”,, it said…
“I have been trapped there for a very long time,, tricked and
trapped by a black witch,, who wanted my powers,, thank you”…
Both men looked at the golden sprite with amazement for they had
never seen one before,, only legends were told about them…
“We have come a long way,, we are searching for the
Shield of Njordist”,, can you help us??”,, Sigmarr asked…
“Look,, look at my beautiful forest,, look what happened to it while
I was trapped”,, the golden sprite,, now flew about the room,,
looking thru every window at the forest that surrounded the tower…
“Can you help us??”,, Sigmarr now asked in a louder,, sterner voice…
“Yes,, I can help you”,, I can see it”,, the sprite answered,,
still distracted by the blackness of the forest…
“Can you lead us to it??”…
“No,, no,,… look at my forest”,, it said half weeping…
“Where is the shield??”,, Kergin asked,, trying to keep the sprites
attention focused on the shield…
“It is only a half days journey from here”,, ”I will light the path
for you”,, oh,, look”…… then out the window it flew,, into the black
forest treetops...
Sigmarr and Kergin,, stood quietly among the ruins of the
tower room,, both were amazed at what had just taken place,,
and glad that the shield was very close now,, soon they would be
heading home away from this evil black forest…

The golden sprite did what it said it would do,, a golden shimmering
sparkle now could be seen among the fallen leaves,, leading away
from the beacon stones and deeper thru the trees…
Sigmarr,, Kergin,, and only 2 men followed that golden path that day,,
Sigmarr left the others to rest and guard the camp,, it would be
only a short ride to the shield and they would be back soon he hoped…
The forest still was darken by the clouds above and they had to
keep their torches lit,, to find their way along the golden path,,
but it didn’t take long,, only a half days ride or so...
The shield was there just as the sprite said it would be,, it laid on a
small island in the middle of a swampy area,, perhaps only 30 ft
from the solid ground… Kergin in his haste rushed forward and
jumped into the swamp,, swimming quickly to the island,,
Sigmarr would have waited,, he would have been a
little more cautious,, there were too many unknowns about this
evil forest… Kergin examined all around the shield as it laid there,,
looking for any hidden traps or magic spells,, none were to be found…
Kergin grabbed the shield quickly and once again rushed into the
swampy water,, keeping the shield above his head,, it was a slower
swim back to Sigmarr on the bank,, when he was about ten feet away
Kergin threw the shield onto the safety on the dry land,,
at Sigmarrs’ feet,, he smiled and laughed,, the quest was done and
Sigmarr could now return to King Tragihma and save his wife and
daughter… The men did not see its tail gliding thru the black water,,
their eyes were too much on the shield for them to notice,,
then suddenly a splashing sound came from the water and Kergin
was pulled under into the swamp…

“Kergin,, Kergin”,,….Sigmarr shouted,, an anguished,,
frightened shout…
Loosing his armor and sword Sigmarr jumped into the swamp with
only his dagger,, and under he went...
The two soldiers stood around the waters edge,, but never getting
to close,, the water bubbled and turned as if a struggle was
happening beneath,, then the water became still again,,
now red blood began to seep to the top,, all was quiet…
The two soldiers looked about the water with their torches
held high,, hoping to see a sign of their friends,, all was quiet on
the water,, then a hand rose from the water and they quickly
rushed to pull the man out,, it was Sigmarr,, followed by Kergin…
both men were dragged to safety away from the waters edge,,
soon the great body of a swamp snake rose to the waters surface,,
its blood seeped from the wounds that were made by
Kergins’ and Sigmarrs’ daggers…
Sigmarr and Kergin stood gathering their breath,, then Sigmarr
knocked Kergin back onto the ground,, Kergin just lay there for
a moment,, flexing his sore jaw with his hand,, then he laughed,,
for he knew he had been very foolish to rush ahead of the others,,
he laughed at himself for being such a fool… But the shield was
theirs and they all could head back home away from this evil forest…

A strange funny thing happened then to Sigmarr and Kergin,,
the soldiers kept their distance from them at all times,,
Sigmarr and Kergin smelled very bad,, like dead fish,,
and rotting moss,, the soldiers wanted nothing to do with that smell,,
it was a wicked smell,, laughter was heard then,, it melted away
the tensions that each man had gathered during the search,,
but they each knew that the way back was still dangerous and long,,
thru the blackened forest they would have to go,, past the swamps
and the creatures that might be in the waters and past the
spinner-netters and then the long journey thru the prairie lands,,
they were not safe yet…

END OF EPISODE 4...yeah,, yeah lets have more naked sprites
INTERMISSION
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT THRILLING
EPISODE OF
SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST
Find out next week why JR was made to wear a pink bunny suit in Harlem
is Rosie O’Donnell really as stupid as everyone thinks she is
.....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION

SIREN ISLES

SIREN ISLES ……………….
I have raised my anchor and set the sails above…
Thru rolling waves do I wander...
Flares I send out,, shouts and calls,,
In very direction and to most everywhere…
Searching among the sirens’ isles for a port…
A port to rest a while,, to pause for a night and a day…
A port of pleasure to rest my soul apon and play…
Of Xanadu do I seek,, to stay awhile with the sirens there…

Over the waves I glide,, forging against the ebbing tide…
Thru a misty haze I sail,, a fair wind to my back…
I have called on many a port for passage within…
Many sirens have answered my song,,
But they be mermaids apon the water,, not very true…
Of fairy dust and Sols reflection they be,,
for no Xanadu,, do they have for me…
Alas only false reflections apon the sea…

Like Odysseus I sail the seas... among the sirens’ isles…
I seek not the Golden Fleece or pirates gold…
Only a sheltered harbor to hold my anchor deep…
Oh fair Calypso sing me your sirens song,,
for it is you I wish to hold…………………..

NATION OF SADNESS

The sky was blue,, the air was fair,,
A festive mood in the air,,
The window high up there,,
Book depository,, sniper in his lair,,
Three shots rang out,, changed history,,
Caused a nation to weep and so much misery…

The grassy knoll,, the police sirens,,
Crowds await,, for the great,,
Open limousine shinny and black,,
President shot from the back,,
Echoes heard thru-out the day,,
Dead in his seat he would lay,,
Secret service unable to protect…

Pink dress with blood dripping now,,
Gone is Camelot’s vow,,
Zapruder tape caught it all,,
Oswald was the name went out the call,,
Caught before he could run,,
Found the gun that had a nation studded,,
LBJ takes the sacred vow,,
Widow weeping aloud…

Oswald his voice unrepent,,
Trial and a nation would decide his fate,,
Ruby rushed out his rage was vent,,
Killer made to pay in the basement,,
Why oh why such an evil event…

Lone horse behind the casket draped,,
Immortality was his fate,,
Little John John no father now,,
Final salute to him passing by,,
Nation asks why oh why,,
Oh Camelot Camelot,,
Will we ever see your like again………….

A TALE OF WOE

A TALE OF WOE…………………
Now that the season of football maximus is in full swing,, I thought
I’d tell you a tale of woe,, death (almost) and misery that happened
not long ago in the arena of the gridus maximus…
It’s a true story (mostly)…..well,, OK,, it’s 100% true….

For you see,, I remember a yon year gone by,, when two mighty
armys did grabble apon the iron grid...
Two mighty armys did toil and battle that day,, for a gleaming ring
and a championship did lay ahead… They fought apon an iron grid
in the eastern lands,, two mighty armys that day,,
one of blue and white (boo, boo, boo),, one of the
black and silver (yeah, yeah, yeah)... They fought from sunrise to
sunset that day,, the fighting was fierce and many were mangled
apon the iron grid,, then a whiteness came unto the eastern land,,
but still the mighty armys fought hand to hand... Now the armys
were equally matched in almost every way,, and the play was long
and hard,, and neither could slay the other,, but then just then,,
as the shadows grew in number and the face of time grew smaller
and smaller,, a mighty guard from the black and silver tribe did
smack and wack the leather orb to the ground,, and then another
warrior from the west did pounce apon it,, the day was won for the
army of the black and silver... Much gladness and toy toots were
heard apon the land,, for you see,, the face apon the dial was
almost gone,, the mighty warriors from the west now would go in
search of the magic ring... The blue and white warriors from the
east had been vanquished,, this was very plain and all did see…

But then the evil wizard Belichick did throw a scarlet rag apon the
whiten grid,, which made all the zebramen say wait... Then the evil
wizard Belichick talked to the zebramen and he protested how the
leather orb come to be apon the whiten iron grid... So it was that
the leader of the zebramen went under the black curtain to view
apon the silicone screen,, just what it was that made the leather orb
fall unto the ground... For many ticky tocks the leader of the
zebramen did watch the play apon the silicone screen,, but he
could not discern whether the Brady arm went back or forward
and then he asked his brother zebraman to view the flickering
images and to give unto him,, his version of that play... The second
zerbaman did not view the flickering images there,,
this I can truly say... But unto the head zebraman he was heard
to say...
“Look about this crowd and be afraid,, for if the leather orb is not
given back unto the warriors of the eastern lands,, the crowd will
slay us this very day”...
The head zebraman then looked into the eyes of the beastly crowd,,
and agreed that he would like to live another day... So it was that the
zebramen gave back the leather orb unto the warriors of the
eastern lands... It was a woeful ending that day for the warriors
of the western lands... The zebramen had cheated them once again…

All who dwell in the raider nation remember that day,,
when the zebramen took glory away…………

CAPTION #27

I’M READY FOR MY CLOSE UP NOW,,
MR. DeMILLE

PEOPLE ARE STUPID

PEOPLE ARE STUPID…………..
I was just walking down the sidewalk just the other day,,
yes it was Tuesday... I was going to McDs for some cow burgers,,
I was thinking maybe a couple of cheeseburgers with fries,,
they make good cheeseburgers,, the fries really suck tho,,
they taste like… well they’re just not any good,, since McDs went
to that ‘good for me’ fryin oil,, hell I’d rather eat chalk shoelaces…
Uh,, anyway,, I’m getting away from my story… I was just walking
down the sidewalk,, and I noticed all these cracks in the
concrete walk,, and there were some pigeon droppings and some
smashed McD ketchup packets making a mess,, and then I noticed
that,, hey,, if I squinted just right,, and the sun reflected off the
street signs just so,, and I jumped up and down as fast I could
(to get my brain all slooshy),, that the cracks in the sidewalk were
actually forming the long lost unwritten 12th piano sonata by Chopin…
Course there was only about three seconds of music there but
I knew right away that it had to be Chopin,, because I took 4 years
of tubaloba lessons in Norway when I was 6,, and everybody knows
what great composers come from Norway…there’s,, ah,,
and what’s his name,, and …Well anyway,, Norway is real close
to Germany and Austria,, and we all know that Victor Borge came
from around there someplace… Yep,, it was Chopin all right,,
I’m going to buy that sidewalk and sell it on E-Bay…

Speaking of E-Bay,, which I was,, PAY ATTENTION…
There was this “anonymous” buyer who paid $350
smack-a-roos for a single burnt pancake… Now this pancake was
no ordinary pancake,, nope,, supposedly if you looked at it thru
a broken glass darkly,, and blinked your eyes real fast and tapped
your ruby slippers a couple of times,, an image of Mary and Jesus
would appear... it’s a miracle... that anyone would be stupid enough
to buy that burnt pancake…Does anyone have the “anonymous”
buyers E-mail address,, cuz,, I have a dirty sock that I swear has
an image of Elvis on it,, and,, well,, I probably shouldn’t mention
this,, but I also have a round white orb with dimples in it,,
that when you look at it thru a telescope from the dark side
of the moon,, it looks just like the Hope diamond…
Yep,, I bet I could get enough smack-a-roos from that “anonymous”
buyer to retire with…
So if you know the E-mail address send it to me right away,,
it’s snowing here,, and I want to get out fast………..

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST part 3

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST ……….
(EPISODE 3)
Sigmarr led the way that mornings with Kergin close behind to
his side,, the rest of the men followed,, everyone was ready for
battle and could easily reach their swords or bows,, every eye
was watching,, looking for any signs of strange beasts or wild
animals that might be lurking in the forest,, an easy pace was
kept,, no one knew where to look for the beacon stones or the
Shield of Njordist…

The forest grew darker and darker as they journeyed into
its realm,, so torches were lit to help guide the way,,
everything about them was strange,, one tree looked like the next,,
no landmarks could easily be seen,, the forest had an eerie silence
about it,, there were no bird calls or animal sounds of any kind,,
the only sound that could be heard was the horses footfalls on
the dry white leaves,, it made a crushing,, snapping sound…
At night no campfires could be lit,, the leaves and any fallen
branches that could be found would not burn,, torches were used
to heat the evenings stew,, and the campsite was always ringed
with them,, three men at a time stood watch over the
sleeping men and the horses…

For three days and nights Sigmarr and his men wandered,,
looking for any signs or paths that might guide them to the
beacon stones,, each was like the last,, the scenery never seemed
to change,, perhaps they were going in circles around this forest...
The trek on the fourth day began as all the rest had,, but the
scenery now began to change,, the ground to what may have been
the west side,, now had a green glow to it,, and a low hanging
whitish/yellow mist hung just off the ground,, venturing near
the mist,, it was found to be a swamp area,, barely noticeable due
to the thick covering of leaves,, bubbles of gas could be seen rising
to the top and bursting in the air,, a foul rotting smell of dead flesh,,
a sickening smell… The men now had to be careful where they led
their horses,, they kept well back from the glowing mists edge…
Sigmarr and his men kept to the swamps edge and followed it as it
wandered thru the forest,, it must led somewhere they thought…
For two days they slowly followed the swamps edge… The men grew
more uneasy about this venture into the Starkdall forest,,
each night their grumping could be heard,, a fools errand they
thought it was,, there was nothing to be found here,, they would
be lost in this forest and perhaps never found,, they grumped
this is why the 20 men never came back… The morning came with
a chill about the air…

“Over here,, over here”,, one of the soldiers cried out,, there on the
ground lay one of the pack horses,, it had large puncture wounds,,
grouped in a pattern about its body,, each wound was as big as a
mans thumb,, and had a white sticky ring around it,,
the horses’ face was covered with the same white sticky threadlike
material,, it could be barely cut with a sharpened dagger...
Two smaller pack mules were also missing that morning,, no trace
of blood or struggle could be found,, all the men searched for at
least 50 yards around the campsite,, but nothing was found,, nothing…
Everyone was tense now,, the complacent nature that had started
to developed in the men was gone now,, death was in the air..
None of the guards posted that night had heard anything,,
no sounds of violence or struggle were heard by any of them…
Sigmarr and the men continued on,, each man had one hand apon
his sword or dagger and he held tightly to his horses reigns,,
the horses were very skittish that morning and had to be firmly led…
“Eiiiiiiiiiiiiieiei”…
“Helllppppp”…
Two urgent scared voices,, each man looked around to see where
the danger was,, there was nothing about them,, the last two riders
horses were empty and the men where nowhere to me seen,,
Sigmarr now gather everyone around in a tightly grouped formation,,
ready for an attack,, swords were drawn and bows at the ready,,
but done came…
“Helllppp……….the voice came…
“Look,, up in the trees”,, a solider shouted…
There in the blacken tree tops and among the leaves was what took
the men that day,, giant mutated black spinner-netters were hanging
above them,, their black bodies perhaps as big as a man,,
with legs 8 feet long ,, hanging from white silken threads were they…
And there were the two soldiers that had been taken,, now being
cocooned in silken webs,, the spinner-netters injected the victims
with their venom as they hung from the trees,, not a soldiers death,,
a ghastly death it would be... Arrows now were shot into the trees
at these monsters,, all missed except Kerjins’,, his arrows found
their mark,, one pierced the black body of a spinner and another
went thru the glowing red eye of a second,, Sigmarr ordered Kerjin
to shoot the two soldiers that hung from their silken threads,,
a merciful end for them…Movement was all about the tree tops now,,
the men put away their swords and bows and hurriedly left the
swamps edge,, fleeing to getaway from the terrors that dropped
silently from the treetops…
“Eiiiiiiiiiiiiieiei”… “Helllppppp”…another solider taken…
Faster and faster they went,, not caring where or how far,,
just to get away,, was everymans’ thought... For perhaps 10 minutes
the men raced away from the swamp,, then finally turning round
a bend in the forest,, the men halted and look about them and into
the forest blacken treetops,, nothing could be seen,,
no monstrous shapes or glowing red eyes,,
perhaps they were safe for now…

They found themselves among hand hewn stones that had fallen
from perhaps a long ago castle,, its stones were black and the trees
grew thru them like weeds,, only a few walls remained standing and
a tower off to the right,, perhaps this was the beacon stones that they
were looking for… Sigmarr ordered the men to set up camp there
for the night,, the guards were much more watchful and the torches
were doubled…The next morning found the men calm but uneasy,,
good friends,, good soldiers,, were lost,, not killed in battle,,
but taken by monsters than lay hidden within this forest,,
not a soldiers honored death...

END OF EPISODE 3....Oh boy that was exciting
INTERMISSION
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT THRILLING
EPISODE OF
SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST
Find out next week why AJ the Hungarian dwarf
was arrested by the ASPCA
… is RAPPER 50 cents only worth 15 cents
.....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

PUTTIN ON THE TURKEY

PUTTIN’ ON THE TURKEY………..
If you want white or dark meat
With lots of mashed potatoes and gravy
Get to Puttin' on the TURKEY
With cans of yams and lots of muffins
Now don’t forget to make the stuffin'
Puttin' on the TURKEY

TURKEY dressed up in tin foil wrappin'
Your tryin' hard to get a nap in (did the game begin)
Come on let's mix some drinks
With little umbrellas and swizzle sticks
Puttin' on the TURKEY

Have you seen your honeys’ new hair do
It goes up and down, it’s a loo loo
Compliment her fabulous new hair, dude
Boop-Oop-A-Doo
Little brats, and long lost cuzins
Feast for twenty, who let the dogs in
Your spendin' every dime
For a wonderful time

If you want white or dark meat
With lots of mashed potatoes and gravy
You’d better go find a place to sit
And start carvin' on the TURKEY

Different types of green beans and casseroles
And pipin hot buttered dinner rolls
Chompin' on the TURKEY

Dressings too, eatin' like a grouper
Trying hard to fit it all in (did the lions win)
Come let's have some dessert now
Then get some drinks
With little umbrellas and swizzle sticks
Burpin' up the TURKEY

Ate too much, feelin' like a dead grouper
Trying hard to get that last pie in, in a stupor
If you're stuffed then you know where to go
Hit that couch and don’t let a fart go
Burpin' up the TURKEY
Burpin' up the TURKEY
Boop-Oop-A-Doo

HAIR TODAY, SHAVED TOMORROW

It’s funny you know,, as I look about me,, at all the young men,,
they have all shaved their hair to give themselves
an unshaved head hair look,, appearing as if they are
young marine recruits fresh from the first day at boot camp…
Strange to me this is… For I remember younger days,, when
the BEATLES come apon us and the BRITISH invasion
caused such a storm,, and Bobby’s locks may have made him
unfit to sit in the White House…
Oh how the hairs of time have changed…
Strange to me this is… I remember when,, it was such a disgrace,,
to the very human race,, if a man should let his hair even go
just beyond the crown of his ears,, and OH MY,, what a trouble
maker he was if he should let his hair go over…
And worse yet he would be if he should let his hair reach apon his
shoulders,, OH MY,, a thief,, a killer,, a vagabond,, a maniac biker,,
he was deemed,, someone that should be shunned by polite society…

Yes,, it is amusing to me as I look apon the various designs of
Mr. Clean that walk around me…
Oh how the hairs of time have changed…
I remember when “we” had to fight for the “right” to wear
long hair,, not just in our schools but also along every public street…
Strange it is to me,, for now this “right” that was hard fought won,,
is now shaved off to within just a 1/8 of an inch or so,, or perhaps
even to zero… I wonder what shall come next onto this “bald” head
of man… Will we now,, white wash our noggins,, or perhaps give it
a color for each different day apon the week?? Or perhaps we
can rent out this blank space for say,, a dollar a day… Ads apon
our noggins we could have,, or maybe we can just display messages
to our friends,, like the heart shaped candies apon valentines day…
“I love you”,, “be my pal”,, “be my friend”,, “your cute”…Or perhaps
we should show our team loyalty apon our heads,, ”go team go”
we could say… Now these signs above would not be of a permanent
kind,, of fadeaway and washaway colors they should be made off...
For one never ever knows which way the hair may grow tomorrow…

Now I be,, a man of about 3003,, and my mane is silvery white,,
and I watch with distain as it vanishes even within this hour…
And so I wonder aloud to myself,, “if I shave all of what’s left of
my hair,, would I then be part of this younger crowd??”…………

CAPTION #11

HUH,, LETS SEE HERE, $20 TO WIN ON
LUCKYLADY IN THE FIFTH.........

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST part 2

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST ……….
(EPISODE 2)
Sigmarr and Captain Tisamar sat together in the great dining
hall by the roaring fire,, for many hours they discussed and
planned what needed to be done,, what supplies should be taken,,
what men,, weapons,, fast horse or pack carriers,, all this was
discussed and decided apon for tomorrows travel northward to
the Starkdall forest…
Sigmarr also asked Captain Tisamar to send out his swiftest rider
to get a message to Kergin at the Black Wagon Inn,, Sigmarr could
only hope than Kergin was there and not out wenching or apon
some fools adventure than he sometimes went on…
Only a few hours of rest did Sigmarr get that night,, not very restful,,
he could only think of his wife and Krista,, and of the journey ahead,,
the unknowns about the Starkdall forest,, and how to retrieve
the Shield of Njordist,, and return in 3 moons wane…
Could it be done…

It must be done,, he thought… Captain Tisamar had assured
Sigmarr that night that Anita and Krista would be treated well
while he was gone,, they would not be chained or bound in any way,,
they would be treated as royal guests of King Tragihma,,
Captain Tisamar would look to their care himself…
Ten of Captain Tisamars’ best and most experienced soldiers
waited in the morning chill just before sunrise,, all was ready,,
all was gathered that might be needed for the journey to the
Starkdall forest…
Sigmarr,, gave a final goodbye to his wife and to Krista,, then joined
the soldiers… It would be long weeks of riding for all of them,,
no time could be wasted now,, for they only had 3 moons wane to
accomplish all that was required of them…

Thru the castes gates they went that morning,, frost dew was still
on the grass and the breath of all the horses could clearly be seen…
Sigmarr lead the party and kept the pace even and steady,,
not at a gallop but fast enough,, there was a long way to go and the
horses must not be worn down… Sigmarr only hoped that the shield
could be found quickly and that Kergin would be able to join them,,
it would be easier if he had someone he trusted by his side…
The journey thru the Neijurn valley was long and hard,, Sigmarr
kept the pace,, and the miles towards the Starkdall forest flew by,,
the weather was still good,, but every man knew that it could change
quickly and the ride would be that much harder,, at night only small
cook fires were lit for the evenings meal,, these were not large
battlefield fires,, just enough fire to cook with,, most of the men
were not used to such a pace and were tired at each days stop…
Sigmarr was also not used to this pace,, and his arms and legs hurt
him as he walked about the camp,, for he was not used to his
horses gait…12 days into the journey,, one man was lost and another
fell breaking his arm,, while crossing the river Fleigest,,
Sigmarr would have sent the man back,, but even with his broken
arm,, he could be used as a lookout or guard,, and it is always good
to have as many eyes as possible when traveling thru the unknown…
Sigmarr still hoped that Kergin would join them soon,, it would be
nice to have his friend by his side…

A steady stream of rising dust could now be seen filtering into the
cloudless sky,, to south it was,, all the men saw it as it came closer
and closer… A lone rider was behind them,, galloping fast towards
them,, a crazy rider,, going much too fast along the road...
As the rider came closer still,, the men all prepared for battle,,
with their swords drawn and their bows ready,, but Sigmarr then
stayed their hands for he knew this crazy rider that now approached,,
he had seen such wild riding many times before,, it was Kergin,,
coming fast from the south to join them…Kergin was coming way
to fast now,, as he tried to slow his horse to join his friend,,
the horse could not stop and went 30 ft beyond before finally halting,,
the men all laughed at Kergin for not having control,, and Kergin
laughed too,, he knew that he was coming to fast,, but it was also
a laugh of friendship,, he was glad to see his old friend Sigmarr...
Sigmarr and Kergin now greeted each other warmly,, they had not
see each other in many months... It would be good to be
together again… Each man thought…Sigmarr slowed the pace,,
just for the remaining daylight hours,, Kergins’ horse was almost
spent and the road now was getting much steeper heading north…
During the nites encampment Sigmarr told Kergin of
King Tragihmas’ demands,, of the shield and of the Starkdall forest…
Kergin had head stories of the forest and he was glad to be
with Sigmarr on this quest…

The days passed easier now,, Sigmarr still kept the pace,, but there
was a uneasiness to the horses at night,, it grew steadily worse the
farther north they went,, something was in the air… The grasslands
were now starting to become brown and not much forage could be
found for the horses,, looking north the men could see a dark cloud
that seemed never to move,, it marked the boundary of the
Starkdall Forest… 4 more days of riding until they reached the
forest edge,, not much to be found around this place,, the prairie
grass was all but gone now,, only stipple roots could be seen…
Sigmarr,, Kergin,, and the men camped outside of the forest
that night,, resting up for the unknown,, tomorrow they would
venture in and try to find the Shield of Njordist…

The Starkdall forest loomed before the men camped there that night,,
a stiff breeze swept from the east,, bringing more chill to the air,,
the horses remained jittery and the men got little sleep,,
wondering about what lay ahead,, what was it about this forest
that gave brave men pause… The trees of this forest were all about
the same size,, a large man could almost wrap his arms about the
trunk and touch his finger to this thumb,, some were larger and
some were smaller as any forest is,, the trees grew straight
and tall,, the limbs were mostly towards the top,, there were
very few limbs that grew below the height of a man mounted
on horseback,, the leaves were few among the canopy,,
they were black with color and they did not move or rustle among
the branches when the wind blew,, the bark was stained black,,
like burnt logs on a fire,, and smooth of texture... The forest floor
was covered with years on dead leaves,, all color lost now,,
they were a sickly white with yellow fungus among them,,
the ground beneath was black from the color that had left the leaves…
Not a cheerily forest,, no green,, yellows or reds could be seen within
this forest,, the sky was always dark,, from the clouds that stayed
above this forest,, they never seemed to move,, very little sunshine
was cast among the trees,, even during the clearest of days…
This was the Starkdall forest that Sigmarr,, Kergin,, and the men
would enter this morning,, searching for the beacon stones and
the Shield of Njordist...

END OF EPISODE 2....YEAH, I KNOW, NOT VERY EXCITING,
but there are horseies..........
INTERMISSION
COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST
Find out next week if JR survived the assigination attempt by AJ
the Hungarian dwarf... is Britney really a Spielberg special effect.......
.....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

THERE ONCE WAS A MAN........

There once was a man,,
A grumpy mean old fart,,
Who used to play on the beachy sand,,
For he thought himself to be a fisherman,,
But he was not,, he was just an old sot…

Each day he would go out,, to see what was about,,
With hooks very sharp,, and bait a plenty,,
He would cast his line with nary a doubt,,
And wait for hours on end for the fishes,,
He would always drink many a brew with delight,,
While waiting for the flounders to bite,,
He would get very drunky and he smelled like a skunky…

As he floundered among the seaweed and kelp,,
He did let out a mighty yelp for help,, help,, help,,
For he had looked within his crab skin wallet,,
And he had found out,, that he was from Jursey,,
He begged the Lord to show mercy,, to get him out of Jursey,,
As he prayed to the heavenly Saint,, he noticed a logo,,
The grumpy mean old fart,, then yelled out I ain’t I ain’t…

The logo that he had just seen,, it was very mean,,
For it said "I’m a NY ‘aints fan,, yes I am, yes I am",,
Now the grumpy mean old fart,, who thought himself a fisherman,,
Did scramble from the sandy cove and hid himself away,,
For he was very ashamed to be from Jursey and an ‘aints fan,,
He then knew just as me and you do,, what he did lack,,
Then in his basement he did pray,, “help me this day”,,
I wish to be a fan of the silver and black...

The grumpy mean old fart,, was forgiven of his past errfull ways,,
And now every Sunday he does drink beer and pray,,
For the silver and black to win each game they play….
He became very happy and gleeful,, for he was now a part
Of the mighty Raider nation………....

The above story is 100% true,, I swear it,, on my
12 pack of Miller beer.....

I SNORE.................

I was snoring real loud on a Saturday nite,,
The sun wasn’t shinin’,, so it wasn’t too bright,,
It was pouring rain,, with thunder and lightin’
The dogs then came in a barkin’,, and gave me a fright…

I jumped right up,, and kicked em out the door,,
Then there was a shaken and a knockin’ noise on the floor,,
My bedpost was a rockin along the wall,,
The couple above was havin’ a ball…

Well I couldn’t take it no more,, as I stood on the floor,,
Pulled out my 410 then,, and gave em whats for,,
Now the walls ain’t knockin’ and they ain’t rockin’,,
Back under the covers I went,, to snore some more…

Then the cops came a knockin’,, near quarter till four,,
I got up then cuz I couldn’t take em banging no more,,
Well they handcuffed me up real tight,,
It was still a thunderin’,, I guess I’m not too bright…

Well the judge put me in jail,, but it didn’t seem right,,
Geez,, the guy below me gives me a fright,,
He’s not black,, he’s not yellow,, he’s just white,,
Now the guards came around again on a Saturday nite,,
I hung myself there,, cuz I ain’t too bright,,
All I every wanted to do was snore real loud on a Saturday nite...
(background music of “hot rod Lincoln”)

THE FINAL OPTION

THE FINAL OPTION…………..
The war against the Kachalot has been going on now for 8 years,,
we’re losing ships and outposts quickly now…The Kachalot have
seized control of or destroyed all of Earths colonized worlds beyond
the belt of Orion,, it wouldn’t be long now…
Their vast armadas have gained the upper hand,, their technologies
have seemed to grow from nothing and now they stand ready to
devour and destroy everything humankind has achieved…

The supply ship Greenling is making its supply run to satellite
outpost UR#32 near Uranus,, its almost halfway between Jupiter
and Saturn,, it should take about 5 days to reach the outpost…
Then what,, who knows…
The Greenling is an old converted stellar cruise liner,, converted
over to military use now…not much in the way of armament or
weapons,, just enough to keep pirates and rouge Kachalot fighters
away…it doesn’t have the Lextron drive that the big military
battlewagons have,, it only has solar sails and Ion drive…
Its just a supply ship about 1/4 mile long,, that’s all,, not much
compared to the newest H.Allen battle carriers,, that are 2 miles
long and have all the newest technologies Earth could put on them
and carry 1800 MK47t Ion drive fighters,, the fastest things Earth
could design for battle in the blackness of space…

Over the radio,, the Greenling can hear what’s happening on the
military airways,, not the top secret ones of course,, just ship to
Earth and ship to ship,, dark days,, victories for the Kachalot and
battles lost for us…

Sssssshs….Captain I think I have something over the radio…
Lets heard it,, put it on the speakers…
Sssssshs…This is Captain Hallock,, Earth command can you
hear us….sssssshs Mars station…….
Can you boost the signal?...
I’ll try sir…
Sssssshs…..have engaged the Kachalot near Saiph….12 degrees
starboard….ing all rail guns on line… 4 degrees down…
Fire…. Can you……launch tyolon missiles…..sssssshs…..
I’ve lost em sir…
Keep trying,, Hopwood how far away are they?...
Unknown sir,, I can’t get a fix,, to far out…
Damn,, I wish…
I’ve got something sir…
Sssssshs…..ost the Starranger… Earth can you hear me…
Ensign Zedong boost the signal we….warn earth… up 14 degress...
Fire…. ooks like the whole…..fleet…..fire….
out of tyolon……ir…..bring us closer….fire…..
imperial destroye…..emperors shi……….ssssshsss…
Damn…
Anything?...
No sir….just static now…
Keep listening anyway…
Yes sir…
Who’s this Captain Hallock,, what ship?...
I have him sir,, he’s the captain of the Stardevil,,
fleet commander of 3 H.Allen battle wags and their support
Cruisers….it's the newest ships we have sir…
Yeah,, I know that,, Lidder…I know that…
If they can’t stop em what can?...
Shut up Lidder…
Hodge meet me in my cabin in ten minutes…
Yes sir…

Captain Fenris is sitting at his desk,, looking over the holographic
star charts…his cabin is twice the size of everyone elses’ but still
it’s not very big,, only 18 x 18 or so...
On the bed half sleeping is Garrulous,, part Sheppard and
part Wolf… Captain Fenris always thought it was a funny name,,
kind of like some kind of roman gladiator or something,,
but Garrulous was really just a push over and wouldn’t hurt
anybody… The room is cluttered with books and left over halocharts
from previous supply missions,, there’s a round Port window that
gives just a small view into the blackness…
Not much to see really,, but its there if he wanted to dream about
Earth and going back home…

(knock, knock)…
Come in…
You wanted to see me sir…
Sit down Hodge,, and cut out that sir crap,, we’ve known each
other too long…
Yes sir….sorry…
What do you think John?...
Looks like that’s it to me…
Yeah me too,, wouldn’t take em long to get to Earth,,
and the remaining fleet is over somewhere near the Draco cluster,,
checking out reports of destruction of the mining colonies there…
bad intel… fuckin brass hats…don’t know nothing... never have…
Yes sir…
What’s the rest of the crew think?,, what are they saying?…
Time to get out of here and make a run for it,, find some other
planet and make a new start…
What? With just the 40 of us?...
Yes sir…
That’s nuts,, it could take years to reach somewhere safe,,
this bucket is a snail on wheels,, we can’t out run the Kachalot,,
and I doubt we have enough supplies…
We could break into the military supplies and use that…
Yeah,, I just checked,, it's maybe enough for 8 months,, just a
bunch of space ‘D’s,, a lot of spare parts and 14 containers of
Atomic detonators... not going to get us very far with that...
What about surrender?...
You know better than that,, they don’t take prisoners…
Yeah,, I know…just thinking out loud…

Sssssshs…Captain I’ve got something over the radio...
(click)…yeah,, what is it?...
Ssssshs…I think it’s an ultimatum from the Kachalot to Earth,, sir…
(click)..OK,, we’ll be right there…
Put in on Hopwood,, lets hear it…
Yes sir…
Sssssshs… uman,, surternfer og wil destrou ou…
2 cirgles respond onlt….2 cirgles…ssssshs
That’s it sir…
Not very good at English are they?...
(no laughter,, just worried faces)
Clausewitz how long before they can reach Earth?...
Best guess sir is about 14 days…
How long before the main fleet can get back from Draco?...
About 3 weeks sir…
Damn…
Sir…their going to slaughter everyone,, we have to get out of here…
Shut up Lidder,, keep your mouth shut,, or I’ll shoot you myself…
How long before they reach us?...
About 8 -9 days sir…
What now?…
I don’t know,, I’ll think of something…

Captain Fenris has made his decision,, he’ll stand there and
delay the Kachalot fleet as much as he can…no where to run
anyway…all the escape pods where jettisoned by the rings
of Saturn,, he hoped the Kachalot will think they were space
mines and slow down a little…Captain Fenris has positioned the
Greenling behind Callisto,, maybe the Kachalot sensors wouldn’t
pick them up easily… nothing to do now but wait…this is it…
the last stand of the Greenling…hopefully it will buy just a little
time for Earth and its defenses,, not much hope tho…

(click)… Hodge are you there?...
Yes sir…
(click)…Get down to my cabin right away…
Yes sir…
(knock, knock)
Come in,, damn it…
Yes sir…
John,, I have an idea…
Yes…
Have the engineers rig explosives to the atomic detonators...
And give me the controls...
You’re going to explode the detonators?...
Yeah,, that’s right…
They wouldn’t make much of an explosion,, you need
the hydrogen missiles for that…
Yeah I know,, I have something else in mind,,
could be quite a bang…
Yes sir…

Days of waiting are almost over now,, the Kachalot have gotten
thru the fake mines around Saturn,, it slowed them a bit,,
not much tho… Captain Fenris sits in his cabin,, giving Garrulous,,
as many treats as he wants… the best ‘person’ Captain Fenris
knows…The detonator control is nearby,, all he has to do is flip the
switch and a second later his ship and everyone will be vaporized
in a blinding flash…

Ssssshs…Captain we’ve got Kachalot fighters now…
(click) OK…time for the big show…
Maneuvering jets only…keep us as close to Callisto as you can…
Yes sir…
We could surrender….we have got to get out of here...
Shut up Lidder…
We have got to get out of…
(bang)
Get that piece of shit out of here… I never liked him anyway…
It’s too late to run…
Kachalot battle cruisers now sir…
Ok…wait… get ready to deploy solar sails and fire the Ion
engines at full thrust…
Yes sir…
Imperial destroyers now sir…
Bring us around to the Jupiter side of Callisto…
Easy,, easy…
They’ve spotted us sir… Kachalot fighters approaching…
Deploy the solar sails aft…
Aft sir?…
Do it…
Yes sir…
Fire the Ion engines,, full thrust…

The solar sails burst immediately into a blinding flash as the
Ion engines ignited,, hopefully blinding the Kachalot sensors,,
just for a few moments…It was all Captain Fenris needed
he hoped…the Ion engines quickly reached top speed and the
Greenling was fast approaching the giant gas planet of Jupiter...
The imperial fleet made every attempt to lock on and destroy
the small freighter… Jupiter’s massive gravity now took hold
of the Greenling and there would be no turning back,, no stopping
them now…wait,, wait,, Captain Fenris kept thinking,, wait until
the last possible second before flipping the switch for
the atomic detonators…

An explosion not seen since the beginning of the solar system
took place then…Jupiter with its hydrogen atmosphere erupted
into a mini Sun… the imperial Kachalot fleet was instantly
vaporized…. The rings of Saturn were blown apart by the shock
wave of the explosion…Mars was knocked into a new orbit around
the Sun…Moon stations #6, #12 and #3 were destroyed by debris
from the explosion and the Moon itself was almost cracked in two…
Earth received massive damage from the concussion and the
blast created solar wind… 2.5 billion died… The sky was blackened
for 14 months….but the human race survived…it would not have,,
had the Kachalot fleet arrived…

The final option that Captian Fenris and his crew performed
was indeed a final last option,, an option that saved the human
race from total destruction…

Mankind rebuilt and once again went out into the stars to explore
and find out what is out there…. A small glowing
Sun now rises where Jupiter used to be… it’s called the
Greenling Sun in honor of that final option,,
so many centuries ago….....................


To someone way out there in the cold frozen icefields of the Atlantic…Hey!, you were promoted to Captain and you saved all of humanity…too bad you got your butt vaporized… but that’s a small price to pay for having school buildings named after you…..ain’t it??
Oh yeah,, just so you know,, Garrulous survived and was found by the Ewoks on the moon of Endor,, and nursed back to health,, how he got there,, I don’t know,, maybe the explosion created a wormhole or something…..strange…..

A WORD OF ADVICE

A WORD OF ADVICE………….
A word of advice for all you lovers,, husbands,, boyfriends
and UPS drivers,, (who party every afternoon with other mens
wives or girlfriends)... Never and I mean Never,, let me repeat,,
Never ever use your ‘honey bunnys’ eyebrow pencil for taking
messages,, or you’ll end up in purgatory for at least seven years,,
or at the very minimum,, in the unair-conditioned dog house for
a couple of days,, if your lucky….Who knew?,, why doesn’t
anybody tell me these things,, and why the hell did she leave
it on the kitchen counter,,’ by the phone’ in the first place…
If it’s that damn important,, why doesn’t she keep it in her purse,,
you know that thing she carries around that’s the size of a
duffel bag…
Geez… There I was just minding my own business,, scratching
my private parts,, watching football on TV,, the Raiders were of
course losing again,, there I was all alone in the house,, her being
out shopping was the only reason I was allowed to be watching
football in the first place… But anyway,, there I was peacefully
minding my own business,, just watching football,, when the
phone rang,, normally I just ignore the phone and let it ring,,
until the caller hangs up…Hey,, if it’s important they’ll call back,,
but it kept on ringing,, and ringing,, and ringing…

Now as the phone was ringing the Raiders had a 2nd and 15 on
the 40 yrd line,, and their behind by 10 in the fourth quarter,,
so I was kinda interested on what has about to happen,, but then
I got to thinking,, well maybe shes been in an accident or
something and that’s why the phone won’t shut up…Well,,
just then the Raiders made a good play and now its 3rd and 5,,
hey,, they have a chance,, maybe they could get a touchdown
and maybe just maybe win or tie the game up…
I was distracted,, OK,, I admit that…So after the Raiders got in
their huddle,, I ran to the phone to see who the hell was calling…
Nope,, it wasn’t an emergency,, at least not to me,, it was one of
her damn girlfriends,, calling to remind my ‘honey bunny’ that
she’d be late for their ‘girlie’ meeting tonight,, and that my
‘honey bunny’ should call her to get all the details,, and then
she rattled off her phone number,, which of course I would never
remember,, so I quickly grabbed the first pencil looking thing I
could find to take her number down,, as this number exchange
meeting was going on,, I could hear coming from the living room
a lot of crowd noises from the football game on TV…
Hey,, what’s going on,, I’ve got to know,, did the Raiders score
a touchdown?,, did they fumble the ball again?,, what?,, what?…
I was distracted... I admit it…

I did however notice while I was hurriedly scribbling down her
girlfriends phone number that the lead in my pencil was
awfully soft,, and it wrote like a crayon,, but that was just
for a second,, certainly not enough time for it to register on
my brain,, not while the game was on…So there you have it,,
that’s how I ended up in the dog house,,
I wish I had bought a sleeper sofa….

I can only hope that my punishment for her leaving her stinking
eyebrow pencil in the kitchen where it didn’t belong,,
will not be to long…So as a last word of advice
to all you male football loving morons out there,,
DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE WHILE THE GAME IS ON
Oh yeah…the Raiders lost again…maybe next year……..

THIS IS ISLAM ?

KABUL, Afghanistan (Nov. 6) - A bomb attack targeted a group of lawmakers in northern Afghanistan on Tuesday, killing at least 28 people, including five parliamentarians, officials said. Death tolls varied widely in the confusion of the attack, which also wounded dozens of children.

The bomb exploded outside a Baghlan sugar factory as the lawmakers were about to enter. The blast struck children, elders and government officials gathered to greet the visiting delegation of 18 lawmakers from the lower house, officials said.

The Ministry of Interior said at least 28 people were killed in the blast, but a doctor at Baghlan's main hospital, Dr. Mohammad Yousuf Fayez, said dozens of bodies may also have been left at the blast site and collected by families, meaning they would not be counted officially. Earlier, a high-ranking government official said 64 people had died.

At least 42 schoolchildren were among 81 people wounded, Fayez said.

"The children were standing on both sides of the street, and were shaking the hands of the officials, then suddenly the explosion happened," Fayez said.

Shukria Barakzai, a lawmaker, said 18 of the 249 lower house parliamentarians had traveled to Baghlan province, and that 13 were dead or "in danger."

The province of Baghlan lies about 95 miles north of Kabul.

WHAT A NICE PEACELOVING RELIGION THE SAND PEOPLE HAVE….LETS HOPE THEY DON’T CHANGE TO A RELIGION
THAT HATES EVERYONE…………………..

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST ……….
(EPISODE 1)
The aged King Tragihma sat apon his throne in his great hall,,
staring out into nothingness,, wondering about the fate of his
kingdom,, now that sickness and age were coming apon him
faster than before…He wanted it found and delivered back to him,,
before his voyage across the river of woes…
“How many have returned??”,, he called to his Captain…
“None sire,, none have returned” answered Captain Tisamar…
Captain Tisamar was King Tragihmas mightiest general and leader
of all the northland army… A trusted friend and advisor to
King Tragihma...
“None??”…
“None sire,, they have not returned and we have not found
any traces of them or their horses”…
“Strange”,, King Tragihma,, softly uttered…
“How many did we send out??”…
“20 sire,, 10 each for two moons wane”…
“Shall I send out more sire??” the Captain asked…
“No,, no,, I shall not waste more of my best men on this quest”,,
“Bring me Haclyon,, the elder”,, King Tragihma commanded into
his great hall…

Haclyon, now stood before King Tragihma,, dressed in his
finest robes,, all in black and silver he was,, with a great 6 sided
conical shaped hat upon his head,, embroidered with an image of
the heavens on each of its sides,, Haclyon,, was the kings seer-priest,,
for the moment…He waited for King Tragihma to speak…
“What have you seen in your temple eye?? Priest”,, “what of the
searchers that I have sent out??”…
“I have seen nothing sire”,, “they have not appeared to me”…
“What??”,, was King Tragihma loud response...
“Nothing sire”,, Haclyon,, meekly replied,, as he stepped slowly
back from King Tragihma,, for he wanted to stay the kings
seer-priest,, and did not wish to meet his fate,, as so many other
seers had…
“Should I send more men out on this quest??”,, the king questioned..
“I have seen nothing in the temples’ eye,, for which you seek,,
it shows me nothing sire”,, a half pleading answer did Haclyon
give to King Tragihma…
“I thought as much”,, be gone from my sight”…
“Tisamar,, pick six of your finest men and send them out”…
“Yes sire”,, it shall be none”,, ..ah,, sire??,, Tisamar quietly asked…
“Yes,, what is it”…
“Perhaps,, another approach can be used to find the
Shield of Njordist”…
The king puzzled at what Tisamar had just said…
“I have hear of someone who may be better able to retrieve the
shield”…
“Who??”,, King Tragihma impatiently questioned…
“I have heard the name Sigmarr of Kadermist,, whispered among
the men,, sire”…
“Who is this man??”,, do you know him??,, the king seized apon
the name…
“I have never met the man,, sire,, but I have heard of him”,,
“What of him,, tell me,, quickly”…
“I have heard than he is a tall brutish man,, with the strength
of 5 men,, but I doubt that,, he has seen many battles,, and it is
said that he even fought with you against the Borjiorn in the
valley of Nedimus,, many years ago,, an impatient man then”...
“What was his name again??”…
“Sigmarr,, sire”…
“Sigmarr??”,, yes,, yes I recall now,, yes a big man he was,,
with yellow hair,, yes,, I remember,, I did meet him once,,
he saved the life of general Vanerst,, killed three men with
one blow then,, Yes,, I remember,, I gave him some land as
a reward”… “Where is he now??”,, King Tragihma urgently asked…
“I don’t know sire”,, he may still live in Kadermist”…
“Go now!!,, and take some of your bravest men with you,,
I want him here now!!”,, the king commanded…
“Yes,, sire”,, was the Captains obedient reply…

Sigmarr,, now stood before King Tragihma,, in the kings’ great hall,,
flanked by 6 royal guards,, 2 on each side and 2 behind…
“Why have I been brought here??,, What is the meaning of this??”…
Sigmarrs’ bellow was heard throughout the large hall,, then he
knelt on one knee in front of the king…
“Are you Sigmarr of Kadermist??”,, the king questioned…
“Yes,, I am sire”,, Sigmarr did not move from his stance nor
did he look up…
“Did you fight against the Borjiorn in the valley of Nedimus,,
many years ago??”…
“Yes sire I did,, I fought with you,, you gave me some land for
saving your generals life”…
“Good,, good,, then you are the man I seek,, stand up,,
I will have words with you”…
Sigmarr was very puzzled by this,, he had done nothing wrong
that he knew of…

King Tragihma slowly descended the few steps down from his
throne and to Sigmarr,, one could plainly see now that he was
getting near the end of his days,, and he would soon be taking
his voyage across the river of woes… An old man bent over with
trembling hands now,, not the hands or body that had fought
along with Sigmarr in the valley of Nedimus…He came to Sigmarr
and when he did,, he straightened himself up,, in a kingly way,,
and now stood as tall as Sigmarr was,, both men could look squarely
into each others eyes,, but Sigmarr did not,, he kept his head
and eyes lowered before his king…
“I have brought you here,, for I have a quest than only you
can fulfill”,, the king seizing the moment spoke forcefully with a
strong and certain voice,, not the voice of an old man…
“A quest,, sire??”…
“Yes,, I will have you retrieve the Shield of Njordist for me”…
“Why me sire??,, you have an army of men who could get it for you”…
“My army moves to slow for this,, and there are tells that the
Borjiorn have sent raiding parties across the border near Treyfiel,,
I need them here”… “You will go”…
“If your army can not go then send some men after it,, I can not go”…
“You will go”,, and I have... sent men out for the shield,, many men,,
none have returned”…
“What is this shield to you??,, “I have not heard of it before,,
why should I care??”…
“Do not test me on this,, you will go”…
“The Shield of Njordist,, belonged to my fathers father and was
taken when the Borjiorn raiders enter this castle and stole all that
was within,, while King Berentos was gone fighting the
Borjiorn hordes”…
“It is part of a set of four shields,, that belong to this kingdom,,
I have returned three to their rightful place on the wall there,,
only the Shield of Njordist remains missing and I shall have it
returned to this castle before I travel on the river of woes”…
King Tragihma pointed to the western high wall,, there hung the
shields he spoke of,, with a space between for a fourth…
“I cannot go,, I will not”,, Sigmarr protested…
King Tragihma ascended to his throne once more and sat upon
it in regal splendor…

“You will go”,,, King Tragihma now motioned to his guards at a
black draped door…
The black drapes parted and bound prisoners were brought forth...
“Anita,, Krista!!”,, Sigmarr exclaimed,, then he tried to rush to
their side,, but was stopped and held back by the 6 royal guards,,
Sigmarr still struggled against them,, knocking one to the ground…
King Tragihma motioned again,, and a large naked headsman
wearing only a black hood about his face now came forth,,
standing with his sharpen axe beside Anita and Krista,,
he lowered the blade to Kristas’ neck very slowly and then raised
it to its full height above his head... Ready for the kings’ signal…
“No, no, stop”,, Sigmarr pleaded…
“I will go,, I will go”,, Sigmarr was now resigned to retrieve the
shield of Njordist,, wherever it may be…
“I thought you might”,, was King Tragihma answer…
“I…. do not know where it is”,, but I will get it for you”…
Sigmarr now quieted by the thought of losing his wife and child,,
stood ready to do whatever the king asked of him…
“I know where it is,, it lies within the Starkdall forest,, somewhere
near the beacon stones”…
“The Starkdall forest!,, no one has ever come back from there”…
“It can not be done”…
“You will do it… or your family”…
Sigmarr knew the rest,, and just nodded…
“I can not do it alone,, I will need help,, horses and supplies”,,
“It is a long journey to the Starkdall forest”…
“Take whatever you need,, whatever men and supplies you want,,
Captain Tisamar will help you with selecting the men you need”…
“I also need the help of a friend of mine,, he is like a brother to me,,
I trust him and we have been on many journeys together,,
I will need him for the journey thru the Starkdall forest”…
“Whatever you need,, take….but you only have 2 moons wane to
return the Njordist shield to me”... “So you must hurry”...
“2 moons wane!!??”,, Sigmarr exclaimed…
“That is not enough time,, it will take that long just to reach
the forest”… “it can not be done it that time”…”I need at least
4 moons wane”.. “at least”…Sigmarr pleaded with King Tragihma…
“I can feel the days getting shorter for me now,, the river of woes
is fast approaching,, I feel that I do not have 4 moons wane”…
“I will give you 3,, no more,, you must return in 3 moons wane
with the shield or”…”just 3 moons,, no more”... King Tragihma
commanded…
Sigmarr nodded in agreement… Not enough time he thought,,
not nearly enough time…

END OF EPISODE 1....EXCITING AIN'T IT?

INTERMISSION

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT THRILLING EPISODE OF

SIGMARR AND THE SHIELD OF NJORDIST

Find out next week if Julie really is a lesbian,, did AJ try to shoot JR,,

are rappers really space aliens....

.....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

IN THE LAND OF WE

IN THE LAND OF WE……………
A long time ago in the land of green,, there where many
wonders to be seen,, and all the creatures were content as could be…
The furry hippity hoppitys played in the leaves,,
the feathered ones all sung a tune to please,, and the
wild howlers did call thru the night,, whenever the moon was
shinning bright…

Then it fell from a limb up high,, or perhaps from the forest moon
of Endor,, it fell to the ground and made a screaming sound…
It and another where the only ones around…
A strange beastie creature never seen before on the forest floor,,
its body was hairy,, its head was too,, knuckles dragging on the
leafy ground...It walked hunched over on two hairy legs,,
both naked as could be,, a he and a she…
It wandered about and thought,, all this can be mine,, I will rule
over everything on this forest floor…And this it did,,
it ruled over the hippity hoppitys,, the singers in the trees,, and
all the wild howlers from sea to shining sea,, for you see,,
it had many thoughts that went between the he and the she…

Time did not stand still in the land of green,, so more and more
and more of this strange beastie creature was seen…Then one
day as it lay among its kind,, it thought Who am I?,, What am I?,,
then just then,, it decided to called itself WE…Now WE was smart
as could be,, and could do just about anything that it pleased,,
but you see,, I’m afraid it was not very wise,, for it slew all the
hippity hoppitys,, the singers in the trees,, and all the wild howlers
from sea to shining sea,, and even the swimmers that were
under the shining sea…

Time continued on in the land of green,, and more and more of
the hairy WE was seen…Too many for just one land of green,,
so it was that the hairy WE divided its self into many parts and
when out and about to see what could be seen…
Many more lands of green where found and all around the
hairy WE did expand,, so it was,, that there were many many
tribes of the hairy WE…And they slew all the hippity hoppitys,,
the singers in the trees,, and all the wild howlers from sea to
shining sea,, and even the swimmers that were under the
shining sea,, for you see,, the hairy WE was not very wise…

Then it stood alone on a rocky cliff,, and said What if,, What if…
Then it was that the hairy WE started to play with a thing
called atom…The hairy WE was very smart,, and soon it
discovered the many parts of this thing called atom…Now the
hairy WE was never quite satisfied with knowing What is,, What is,,
it always wanted to know What if,, What if…So it was,, that the
hairy WE did smash and bash two of these things called atom
together to see What if,, What if,, and a mighty glowing cloud
was formed rising from the land of green…The hairy WE was
ever so pleased,, it had never seen such things as these…

Time again continued on in the land of green… Now it was that the
many parts of the hairy WE,, became very scornful and mean to
other parts of the WE,, and then one day a part of the hairy WE,,
said enough,, enough,, and then it thought What if,, What if…
So it was,, that the hairy WE did throw a glowing cloud on the
other WE,, it thought its self very smart,, to throw a glowing cloud
at the other WE,, but it was not very wise…For you see,, the other
WE had also learned to play with the thing called atom…
Then all about many glowing clouds were seen over
all the lands of green…

From the blackness of the never-ending void,, the lands of
green could easily be seen,, and all thru the night it was
very bright…Then the lands of green could no longer be seen,,
just a glowing orb in the blackness of the never-ending void…

Time did not stand still in the blackness of the never-ending void,,
and then one day,, if you looked real close,, there just there,,
on the whirling orb,, among the broken rocky cracks,,
there just there,, a very very very small little green could be
seen,, and not one hairy WE at all………………..

I'M PISSED

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS...
IS THERE ANYBODY STEERING THIS FKIN BOAT?
I'M SO FKIN TIRED OF SEEING 'NOWSTAT' POPUPS,
THAT I MIGHT EVEN LEARN HOW TO DO HTML,
AND WRITE A FKIN UNSTOPPABLE VIRUS JUST TO GET
RID OF THEM... SAME GOES FOR 'GET POOR',
'VIDEO-(PICK A NUMBER)' AND THOSE FKIN 'TEXACO STAR'
ONES TOO...................
GET THE SKIPPER BACK AT THE HELM, CUZ I THINK
GILLIAN IS STEERING THIS GARBAGE BARGE........
........SUE ME..........

THE SEMI AND I

Well I was driving down highway 95,, when a big ole
semi did come on a flyin by,, he then just jumped right in front
of me…Now I kinda got peeved,, so I came up right along side
and threw him the finger,, pretty as you please…Then took off
in overdrive,, gear number 3…
He didn’t like that very much,, so he stepped on his clutch and
went into gear number 25…Well it didn’t take him long,,
afor he was driving over my passenger door… I ended up in the
ditch,, and I had a mighty twitch,, cuz the gear shift went thru
my head from ear to ear… Now I’ll give you some advice,,
cuz I’m so nice… When a semi does come on a flyin by,,
just give him a wave and say hi, hi, hi,, or you’ll be wearin a
coffin dress and we’ll be layin side by side…..

THE SEMI-ANNUAL REPORT ON THE SCIENTIFIC STUDY
OF THE CANADIAN MUD FLY(S) (HOMOGENFLYUSTREDIUOUS)
This is the second of thirteen reports concerning this
years scientific study of the Canadian mud fly. All thirteen reports
will soon be distributed thru-out the scientific community, via this
web site and the Sorgern publication.
(Canadian scientific research and factuality of Apradraractis)
It will be available soon in English, British, French, Portuguese and
native Hutooo Eskimo. Any questions you may have concerning
obtaining any of these publications, can be addressed by the use
of the Canadian form #34567-aft, at the end of this report.

Report log #56732.c: (dated circa 10-09-08).
Reprinted here in its entirety.
The completion of the new research Building #5 has been a
welcome addition to the on going scientific study of the Canadian
mud fly (M & F). Its’ completion in the fall of 2007, has greatly
accelerated the study, preservation and observation ability of all
the staff at the institute.
We here at the institute for the scientific study of the Canadian
mud fly (M & F) recognize our governments realization that the
scientific study of the Canadian mud fly (M & F) is a vital part of
national defense and security, and once again we would like to
thank the government for providing the necessary funds,
equipment, personal and buildings for this vital human scale study,
which is now in its 14th year.

Total cost to taxpayers so far is estimated to be 456 billion
Canadian Rewtos, (adjusted for inflation). However, there has been
some complaints among the staff at Building #4 that Building #5
is much nicer and newer than Building #4, and that the parking lot
is much more organized and better maintained during the 14 months
of winter. This problem will be addressed as soon as the 16 days of
spring arrives, with the demolition and construction of a new
Building #4. It is the firm belief of all the staff at Building #5 that
this will satisfy all staff members in Building #4. However, due to
construction schedules and weather conditions we believe that
the parking lot for the new Building #4 will not be finished until
spring of 2009, this can not be helped and we are hoping that all
staff members in Building #4 will make full use of the 27 artic
snow cats that are now housed in the underground storage facility
at Building #2, 3.5 miles away.

While there has been some complaining among the staff in
Building #5, it has been minimal. The main complaint seems to
center around the continued use of ‘black light’ fluorescent lights
thru-out the research facility. This has been addressed thru
numerous e-grams and mailings to all 14 staff members currently
employed in Building #5. Re: the use of ‘black light’ fluorescent
lights thru-out the research facility, while making everyone ‘glow’,
is a necessary and prerequisite requirement thru-out for finding
‘mouse droppings’ in Building #5. ‘Mouse droppings’ are a vital
component to the scientific study of the Canadian mud fly (M & F),
and are used thru-out the facility in the scientific studies of the
Canadian mud fly (M & F), this can not be overly stressed.
However, do to the sanitary concerns and the intervention of the
Canadian Health Ministries; this may become an unnecessary
procedure in the future. The institute for the scientific study of
the Canadian mud fly (M & F) has already requested additional
funding from the Canadian government for the construction of
research Building #6, which as stated in our Funding proposal
will be solely dedicated to the finding of an alternative to the use
of ‘mouse droppings’ in the scientific study of the Canadian mud fly
(M & F), as per our proposal, should it be granted, Building #6 will
have a staff of 120 scientists; professionals whose sole purpose will
be to find this substitute for ‘mouse droppings’.

When approval of funding is completed (expected sometime in 2008)
construction of the new Building #6 will begin in the spring of 2009,
with construction taking approximately 24 months. It is hoped that
after Building #6 is completed sometime in 2011, that the staffs of
Building #4 and Building #5 will not complain about Building #6
being newer and nicer than Buildings #4 & #5, but due to past
experiences with the staff in Building #4, we have already begun
procurement procedures for additional funding for the years
2011 thru 2014, see funding request documents #345612.d, c f, & t,
dated this year.
This concludes the second part of the semi-annual report on the
scientific study of the Canadian mud fly (M & F).
Parts 3-13 will be published soon.

Jefferory Hilsfuf (PhD, CdC, Mi5, HTmL, BLT)
President and CEO

CAPTION #26

HEY LOOK MAN, I HAVE A GIANT
SPIDER ON ME HEAD…….

HER FAVORITE FLOWER

HER FAVORITE FLOWER………..
I asked my fair love just the other day,,
What kind of flower was her favorite in every way,,
And this she did say to me in that month of May,,
Why my love there is only one,, that the sun does rise apon,,
My favorite flower she did say without delay,,
Is the chysanthymum,,
Crysethemum
Crysathemum
Crysitehethemum
Chysandthemummum
Ah,, what the heck it’s the rose………..

SIGMARR AND THE GLAYNOR

SIGMARR AND THE GLAYNOR ………………………….
The Bulls Head tavern was filled with the same men as it was
every night,, they just sat about their tables drinking the warm
ale and retelling tales and whispers by the fire… The same as every
night in this village…
Then suddenly thru the door bust a strange man,, a man with
much purpose about him…His yellow hair was braided tightly
and fell apon his shoulders and back,, he wore a wolfskin coat that
was draped across his shoulders to keep him warm thru the
winters frigid nights…
The door stood open,, and swirling snow enter the room from
behind this man,, wisps of vapor snow were shown all about this
strange man who now stood in the doorway,, for the tavern was
very warm and he was very cold…Many hours had he been about
riding in this midwinters fury,, with its snow and ice being cast
about him…There he stood,, a tall large man,, perhaps two hands
taller than any that was within the tavern that night,, not a man
to be ignored was he,, a man with a hurry and impatience about him,,
for time,, he had none to waste…

“I am Sigmarr of Kadermist,, and I seek the one called Ablorn,,
I want to speak to him now”,, he spoke in a loud and forceful voice
to all those in this tavern,, the men all looked about and whispered
at their tables,, but none came forth…

Closing the door behind him,, Sigmarr,, stepped forward to the
barkeep and gathered him by the shirt and lifted him up onto
the bar top…

“Where is Ablorn?,, I was told I could find him here at this tavern,,
he comes here every night,, I was told”,, Sigmarr had no time for
such foolish men,, he had no time to waste…

“He has not been here tonight” the barkeep gasped…

“Where is he??”…

“I haven’t seen him today,, perhaps the storm is too great for
him to come”…

“He will come,, I will wait for him”,, letting the barkeep go,,
Sigmarr ordered some warm ale and stew be brought to him
as he waited,, “also tend to my horse outside,, see that he is fed,,
and kept warm in the stable,, we will be traveling again this night”…

“Yes sir,, yes sir”,, the barkeep mumbled as he went to get some
stew and tend to Sigmarrs horse…

Sigmarr sat by the roaring fireplace at a small table in the corner,,
waiting for Ablorn to come,, he had no time for this,,
an hour or so passed and then Ablorn and two friends entered
the tavern,, joking and laughing and having a merry time,,
half-drunk they were…They ordered ale from the barkeep,,
and stood there drinking the ales as they came…Sigmarr did not
know these men or Ablorn,, he looked apon the barkeeps face,,
and the barkeep just gave him a slight nod…Sigmarr now stood
behind these three men,, much taller was he than any of the three
herdsmen there,, the barkeep looked apon the middle man,,
and Sigmarr put his hand apon the middle mans shoulder,,
Ablorn just shrugged it off,, as a drunken man would,,
he could not be bothered…

“Are you Ablorn”??,, Sigmarr asked…

“Yes I am”,, who wants to know”,, was Ablorns slurred reply…

Sigmarr then grabbed up Ablorn and took him from his friends,,
“I will have a word with you”,, and he sat him down at his small
table by the fire…

Ablorn,, looked like a worried man,, he looked back at his friends,,
there at the bartop,, but they did not move,, no help was coming
from Ablorns friends…

“I have come a great way to see you,, Ablorn,, I have been told
that you know where the Glaynor is,, tell me now”…

Ablorn looked confused and frighten,, as he sat with Sigmarr,,
“I don’t know where this Glaynor is that you speak of”,,
“who told you about me??”…

Sigmarr had no time for such games,, he grabbed Ablorn by the
neck and drew him nearer,,
“Tell me where the Glaynor is”,, he insisted…

“I,, I,, don’t know where it is…I…just heard about it that’s all”…

“From who??”…

“From a stranger I met at the Red Lion tavern in Flaemgar”..
“Who told you about the Glaynor?...

"When was this?” Sigmarr insisted…

“It,, it,, was about a month ago,, his name as I recall was Hiltasen,,
you might be able to find him there…that’s all I know”,,
Ablorn spoke sheepishly…“Let me go”…

Sigmarr threw Ablorn aside at the table,, and when he passed the
barkeep,, he left a gold coin for payment,, ten times what was the
normal price for a meal and hay for his horse…
Sigmarr rode thru the night and into the early morning,,
thru the blinding snow,, wind and sleet,, he had no time to waste,,
to the Red Lion tavern was his destination...
Bursting apon the Red Lions barkeep,, he asked where is Hiltasen,,
the barkeep did not know,, he was not there this hour,,
where is he Sigmarr insisted,, the barkeep told him that he lived
just 6 houses from here to the West…
Sigmarr traveled quickly to Hiltasens house,, and when the door
was opened just a crack,, he rushed in to find Hiltasen,,
past Hiltasens wife and children,, into the kitchen he went…
Hiltasen was there at the table eating his morning meal…

“Where is the Glaynor?”…

Hiltasen looked puzzled at Sigmarrs demand…
“I don’t know where it is”,, Hiltasen meekly replied...

Sigmarr then pushed Hiltasen face into his porridge dish,,
he had no time for such lies…

“I,, know a man who knows where it is”,, the words stumbled
from Hiltasen,, a pitiful little man…

“Where can I find this man?”,, where is he now?”...

“He stays at the Black Wagon Inn,, just 20 miles South of here
along the main road,, in Erstenlock,, I know he does”,,“He can tell
you where the Glaynor is”…

Thru the whirling snow and biting wind Sigmarr once again rode
with fury apon his horse that day,, no time to waste…
In the Black Wagon Inn Sigmarr found Kerjin at a small table,,
just sitting,, this was a different kind of man than the others that
Sigmarr had questioned… As Sigmarr approached Kerjin,,
Kerjin drew his knife and Sigmarr halted,, a different type of man…

“Where is the Glaynor??”,, “I must know”,, Sigmarr asked…

Kerjin just stared at Sigmarr,, pondering his reply,, into Sigmarrs
eyes he stared,, gathering what he could of this man before him..
Kerjin let down his knife then…

“It lies in the Lundoff caves,, 2 days hard ride North of here,,
in a cave along the river Otmude,, on the suns morning side,,
you can find it if you look,, its place is marked by fallen stones
along the path there”…

Sigmarr thanked Kerjin,, and hurriedly left that day,,
he had no time,, no time,, the Glaynor must be found…
2 days of hard riding thru the winter storm,, pausing only for his
horse to rest and be feed,, Sigmarr could not rest until the
Glaynor was his…
The river Otmude was partially frozen now,, amid winters grasp,,
the cave was there just as Kerjin had said it would be…
Sigmarr entered the cave cautiously,, and with his torch he
searched thru the darkness with his flickering light for the Glaynor,,
that he was told would be there... Sigmarr could not see what
awaited him in that cave…
It come apon him in an instant and coiled its great body around
Sigmarr,, he was trapped in the coils of that giant snake,,
he could not move or draw his knife or sword,, his arms were
tightly bound…Slowly the giant snake tightened its coils on Sigmarr,,
to crush its prey…Its tongue flickered, and darted tasting
Sigmarrs scent,, slowly it crushed Sigmarr for its meal…
Then suddenly arrows were about and they struck the great
serpent in its gleaming eye and about its head…
It released Sigmarr from its coils and as it tried to slither away
into the darkness,, Sigmarr flashed out with his sword and cut
the head off of this demon snake... Sigmarr then collapsed to
the ground,, breathing hard against the crushing that was done
to him,, looking behind him to the caves entrance Sigmarr saw
where the arrows had come from…Kerjin now stood at its mouth,,
and he came forward to help Sigmarr...

“Are you badly hurt?”,, Kerjin asked…

“No,, I will be fine,, I did not know such creatures where in
this cave”…

“Many such creatures lay within this cave,, both big and small,,
we must be careful,, for the scent of blood is in the air”…

“Do you know where the Glaynor is??” Sigmarr half pleaded…

“Yes,, I know exactly where it is,, I have seen it myself”,,
“It is just around the bend there”…

“Let us go then,, I have no time to waste”…

Around the bend in that cave the two men went,, with their
torches lit brightly,, so that they could see any dangers that
might be about…But no more dangers were there that night…
There along a rocky point they found the Glaynor,, a pale blue
flower with an iridescent glow and yellow buttercup leaves…
Three were there that night,, Sigmarr cut only one from that group,,
for one was all that he would hopefully need…
To the caves entrance and to their horses the two men scrambled,,
into the blinding snow once again,, Sigmarr had no time to waste
now that he had the Glaynor in his hand…Kerjin departed at the
path there and returned to the Black Wagon Inn…
Sigmarr rode rough and hard thru the white days and black
starless nights,, very hard,, for 3 days he rode,,
no time to waste,, he kept apon that horse,, his fingers gripping
tightly the horses reigns,, even tho the crushing from the serpent
snake gave him great pain with ever movement apon that ride…
He had no time for pain now,, he must ride,, no time to waste…
Finally the dawn broke and he could see his house in the distance,,
breaking thru his front door,, Sigmarr quickly ground up the
Glaynor and mixed with it with herbs and goats milk,,
and then put all this into a cup of warm ale…

“How is she??”,, he asked his wife as she stood by their
daughters bed…

“Her breathing is very faint now,, it is almost gone,,
it may be to late”…

Sigmarr then pressed the cup to his daughters lips and when
the cup was empty,, he collapsed on to the floor,, no more could
he do this day…With aching bones and a fevered chill
Sigmarr slept,, and when he awoke,, he went to his daughters bed,,
and just then she opened her eyes and lovingly smiled at him,,
all would be well in Sigmarrs house this day,, the Glaynor with its
magic powers had done its job,, the fever was broken and color
now returned to his daughters face…
A radiant smile for a loving father and mother…

Spring has come once again to Sigmarrs land and Krista dances
among the spring flowers,, just as any child does,, her smile gives
everyone she meets a warm heart…Sigmarr had saved his
daughters life that winter,, and now he returned apon the path
that he had ridden with such haste,, to the barkeep at the
Bulls Head tavern,, to Ablorn,, to the barkeep at the
Red Lion tavern,, to Hiltasen,, to each he gave a pouch of
gold coins,, and he asked them to forgive him for the way he had
treated them during his search for the Glaynor…
And to the Black Wagon Inn he went,, to thank Kerjin for his help,,
he offered Kerjin his landed deed,, but Kerjin would not take it,,
only a handshake would he accept…Two strangers once in that
winter past,, but no more,, like brothers they became,, and many
adventures did they journey apon,, but first they gathered up
some men and to the caves along the Otmude river they went,,
to slay all the creatures that were within,, and this they all did,,
only two were lost to the giant snakes,, only two,, they lie within
heroes graves now…Forever will their names be remembered…
The Glaynor flowers are now guarded both by day and by night,,
their magic powers can only be used for the most urgent of woes,,
not for every illness can they be used,, so they are guarded well…

This is just an old story that has been told many many times
at night,, along the campfires edge,, of Sigmarr and the Glaynor,,
About a fathers love for his child,, just an ancient fable that is told...
Or is it just a fireside fable that is told?...
Would you not seek the Glaynor,, if your child grew cold?.........