GRIPES 2.0................

GRIPES 2.0……………
Thank goodness 07,, is over with…What a rotten year,,
I guess it could have been worse tho…In 06,, I was
screwed over 52 times,, but in 07,, I was only screwed
over 38 times…I guess I’m making progress,, or maybe its
because I now carry around with me a fully loaded elephant gun,,
people seem to be much nicer to you when you carry around a
loaded cannon…But I’m rambling,, stay with me,, there’s a point
to this story somewhere,, I just have to get to it…As many of you
who are not reading this know,, gt281 works in an office,,
5 stinking days of the week…My job is to put pretty lines on the
silicone matter screen using King Gates’ wonderfully confusing
Windowrama program,, and a program called Autocad…
I make pretty colored lines on the screen to show how millwork
is to be built,, so the imported Honduras labor force we have in
the shop area can easily put the millwork together,, and then it
can be sent to the far flung work zones of the known world…
Follow me so far?...
Good,, it gets worse as I go rambling along…

I like Autocad,, it does everything for me,, IF I put the correct
information into it,, which happens only about 7% of the time…
So everything I do is wrong 93% of the time… Why?...
It’s because the information that I’m given to work with is
100% wrong 100% of the time…So being right 7% of the time
is pretty good if you ask me,, but nobody does and I get
yelled at a lot…I get my erroneous information from a number
of sources,, mainly someone called a PM,, (that’s shorthand for
pompous meathead),, the contractor who wants the millwork
delivered last Wednesday,, and of course I get my erroneous
information from the Architects plans or blueprints,, which I
laughingly call the ‘YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME
CRAYON SCRIBBLINGS OF A NUTSO'…

I don’t mind so much the bad information coming from the PM,,
he works for my company and is just trying to save every last
nickel he can out of the project budget…The project budget is
always wrong and underbid by the estimating department,,
so I give the PM a little slack…I don’t give a smelly fart what
the contractor wants,, mainly because I don’t have to deal
with him,, the PM does…And we all know that contractors
are greasy lying bald Hungarian dwarfs anyway…
Nobody likes Hungarians,, except Norwegian fjord fishermen,,
but their all drunk from drinking to much cod liver beer,,
so they don’t count…It’s the Architect I hate the most…
Here’s a PROFESSIONAL who has gone to college for 5 years,,
and understudied with another Architect for 3 years before
he/she/it could even get their license,, and they have to every
year get more educational school credits to keep their license…
So you would think they were pretty smart wouldn’t you?...
Not so fast Homer…The plans I get are 100% crap-ola,, well not
all of them,, I’m exaggerating a bit,, only 99.98% are crap…

I fumble and weave my way thru these plans trying to find out
what’s happening,, what the layout of millwork is,, where
everything goes,, what is this,, etc etc,, so I can put correct
information into Autocad to create shop drawings for
making the millwork…

Still with me?...ok,, you should now be very very afraid of
sitting in the building you work in,, because I’ve seen the
types of plans the Architect makes to build that building your in…
It’s a wonder anything can be built at all,, the plans I get have
no dimensions on them,, and the notes and descriptions of parts
of the building are always wrong,, and they never match from
page to page…So who knows what you’ll end up with…
Architects really piss me off…You ever try to tell an Architect
that a 3 foot wide door will not fit into a 2 foot wide opening?...
Don’t,, because it will only make Gods handpicked designer of all
things,, mad,, and then he/she/it will get all puffy and out of joint
nose wise…So its just better to play along and put a 3 foot wide
door into a 2 foot wide opening…Then what happens?...
The God Architect gets all hissy and starts asking why nobody
told him/her/it that a 3 foot wide door will not fit into a 2 foot
wide opening…We didn’t tell you because you don’t listen,,
you fat headed cape wearing moron,, besides its your design,,
your suppose to give us the correct information to build it correctly…
Fathead…Then he/she/it will say its design-build,, and magically
will be off the hook for all the trouble he/she/it has caused to
get his/her/its masterpiece of modernism construction built…

If any of you listeners are thinking of getting into my line of work,,
don’t…I have to:
#1…make the shop drawings and submit them to the God
#2…make changes to them after God has reviewed them
#2a…return them to God so he/she/it can redesign them again
#3…change the shop drawings after getting field notes and dimensions…
All the while listening to everybody ask,, ‘When are you going
to be done?’…
I had a job once where I had to change a closet ceiling 8 times,,
before the God Architect accepted them…It was only a closet
3 ft by 4 ft with a ceiling that nobody would ever see…

So to you,, I suggest that you become a God Architect,, then you
can blame everybody else for everything,, and take all the credit
for everything…
See I told you I would get to my point sooner or later…
I hate Architects………......................