BAR TIME FUN...............

BAR TIME FUN…………

You know its amazing what happens in a darkened bar…
I was at my favorite sorrows drowning pool just the other day,,
yes it was a Tuesday…Double shot Tuesday as a matter of fact…
I’d only been there about 3 hours,, I know that because I still had
some cigarettes left and the barkeep had only refilled my stale
popcorn bowl 5 times…The barkeep,, I’ll just call him Joe,,
after all I don’t want to get sued or anything,, kept on renewing
my subscription to Bacardi and coke when my glass was empty,,
so by this time I was feeling mellow and totally relaxed…
I didn’t know many of the ‘guests’ that night,, there was Hank
over in his usual spot…
I think he’s welded to that chair,, I’d never been in there,,
when he wasn’t there,, and he never gets up to use the men’s room,,
I wouldn’t either but I don’t like to walk around in wet shoes…
There was a small crowd of kids playing pool and an older couple
in one of the booths,, that was about it…

I was just finishing a handful of circa1975 popcorn when a young
blonde sat down at the bar only a couple of stools away from me…
She gave me a once over,, a look that said no thanks,, and I gave
her the full 360…I knew that nothing would happen and that
I was too old for her,, but looking is free,, at least where I come
from,, and she didn’t have a male friend with her,, so it was even
more free…She ordered a White Russian from Joe and settled
into her stool…I didn’t give her a thought,, at least none that
I can write about here…
She pulled out a pack of Marlboros,, took one and placed
it between her lips,, then began fumbling thru her purse for
her lighter…that’s when I made my move,, I reached over and
flicked my 79c bic and she accepted…

The opening gambit was signed,, sealed and delivered,,
so I moved over next to her,, she gave me a tight lipped smile
and we began to talk…
You know how it is,, small talk at first,, jockeying for position,,
not wanting to give too much away,, not wanting to scare the fish
as it where…Since I was much older than her and I was far ahead
of her in the empty glass department I had an easy time going
thru the ritual of bar speak… She seemed to be fairly new to the
game and was somewhat off balance on which way to go…
Then she asked me the question I was waiting for…

“What kind of work do you do?”…

Well not wanting to describe what kind of crummy life I have,,
I had an answer already for her…

“I’m an agent for the CIA”…I said,, giving my best
impression of James Bond that I had…

“Oh,, really” she said…”I’ve been looking for an agent,,
I want to become a singer”…

Bingo!!!...Two down and one to go…Just had to get her
drunk and the sheet music would be playing…I just hoped that
the melody would rise to the occasion…

I’m not really sure how long we played footsy in that bar…
I just remember waking up in Duluth Minn,, which is about
300 miles from Joes bar…She was gone,, my clothes were gone,,
along with my wallet and my car…I was left there lying on the
motel bed wearing a Star Wars storm trooper outfit with a
pink tutu and bunny slippers…You don’t know how hard it was
to call my brother to come and get me…To this day the words
“Star Wars or Blonde Bimbo” are not used around me…
I’m scared to death that someday my adventures,,
whatever they were,, will show up on a YouTube video………...