BATHROOM REMODEL..........

BATHROOM REMODEL………….

I’d like to take a few moments here to speak to
just the guys out there…To talk to them about an idea
they have,, about doing something extra special for
their ‘honeybunny’,, while she’s away at her mothers
for the week…Your thinking of remodeling that porta-pottie
bathroom of yours while she’s away,, aren’t you?...
Thinking of surprising her with a bran spanking gleaming new
bathroom aren’t you?...Afterall she’s been nagging you for two
years to do it,, hasn’t she?...And now while she’s away you think
it would be a great idea to do it…
Whoooaaa,, hold on there “Norm”…before you start,,
lets examine some of the skills you have to get this done…

Have you ever done any plumbing?...OH,, you replaced the
fittings on the garden hose and replaced the rubber washers
in the kitchen sink…Yeah,, that’s almost like plumbing…
Have you ever done any electrical?...Fixed a lamp cord huh?...
And found the short in the riding lawnmower…
Well,, good for you…Have you ever installed any cabinets?...
Or done any tile work?...Any carpentry skills?...OH,, you have a
book that shows how to do everything step by step,, do you?…
With colored diagrams and exploded parts views,, huh?...
That should help…

First off,, what do you plan on doing?...OH,, you want to make
your new bathroom look just like the one on page 47 in
Home & Gardens…Ah uh…Not so fast “Mr Handyman”…
That bathroom your looking at is at least 500 sf,, with
a separate shower area,, with temperature controlled full body
shower heads,, it has an 8ft x 10ft whirlpool/hottub,,
that seats 6 people,, with adjustable jets,, with foot and neck
massaging bubbles…A mens sink area and a separate area for
her with two sinks,, a seating area with adjustable wall mounted
mirrors,, and it has a toilet,, and a bidet just for her,,
with granite countertops and imported Italian marble tile on all
the walls…Have you ever done anything like that before?...
Well,, let me clue you in just a little,, before you run to the nearest
hardware store and try to purchase any of that stuff…
That bathroom your wishing for,, and wanting to build in a week,,
took 14 skilled craftsman 3 months to build,, and they knew
what they were doing…You do not…
Plus it will cost you more than the house you are now living in…

Right about this time,, your beginning to ask yourself,,
“What the h*ll does this guy know about remodeling a bathroom”…
“Why should I listen to him”…You are aren’t you?...Well,,
let me just say that I was in your position a couple of years ago,,
I thought I’d do something nice for my ‘snoogems’…
It took me three days to remove everything from the bathroom
and haul it to the dump,, then disaster struck…
My ‘honeydo’ came home early,, because she had a big fight
with her mother,, and needless to say she was not pleased with
the mess that used to be our (her) bathroom…I ended up sleeping
in the garage for two weeks,, before she calmed down enough
that I could talk to her…Then it took 5 months to get the
bathroom fixed…Mainly because we (she) decided to hire a
contractor and have him do the work…It took 5 months because,,
well,, there are a lot of decisions to make and as you know it
takes a woman a long time to make a decision…I had very little
input into those decisions,, of course she asked me what
I thought about this or that,, but I learned very quickly,,
with the first 15 minutes,, that what I thought was not really
important,, so from there on in,, I just said Uh Uh a lot…
You think I’m exaggerating don’t you?...
Remember the last time the two of you got dressed up for a
night on the town and dinner at a fancy restaurant?...
How long did it take her in the bathroom to get ready?...
One hour?... An hour and a half?... For what?...How long did it
take you?...15 minutes,, right?...But that was only because
you decided to shave and brush your teeth…
I’m right aren’t I?...It takes a women a long time to make
a decision…

Now before you start your remodeling,, I want you to think
about a couple of things…When was the last time you,,
and you alone were allowed to make a decision?...You know that
she has to tell you to take out the trash,, and how to do it…
And she always complains that you didn’t do it right…
And do you realize that there are 47 different shades of pink?...
And here you are,, ready to make all kinds of decisions about
your (her) bathroom,, none of which she will agree with…
If I were you,, I’d just sit back and watch sports on TV while
she’s away,, it will be your only chance,, and sit around in your
underwear drinking a cold one while scratching your private
parts whenever you want,, cuz she’s going to be home soon…

As a final note here to you guys out there,, let me just say,,
that now that I’ve lived with my ‘new’ bathroom a while,,
I don’t mind the 7 shades of pink with mauve accents,, and
the foam toilet seat is a lot nicer that the hard one we used to have…
But I do get in a lot of trouble if I don’t hang the towel back
on the rod,, or put a new roll of TP out,, or leave the cap off the
toothpaste,, or leave water on the counter,, or don’t put my dirty
clothes in the hamper,, or don’t put the toilet seat down,,
or just generally do man things…You know now that I think
about it,, having a gleaming new bathroom really sucks…………