IT'S A JUNGLE...............

.
“Hello sports fans,, this is Dan Hack reporting to you live from one of the remotest regions of the world…I’m here today with Dr. Elmo Van Hectareflabagger,, the world renown hunter,, anthorpodpeeologist,, surfboard wax tester,, bowling ball expert,, and master noodle knot maker”…

“Ahh,, here he comes now”...”Dr. Elmo,, can you take a moment and talk to us about your latest adventure?”…

“Certainly Stan”…

“Uhh,, that’s Dan”…

“Right you are,, if you say so…And please keep your voice down,, you never know if one of the buggers is listening”…

“Ahhh,, just what is it that your looking for today?”...

“We’re here in the wild bush to capture a Helix aspersa,, a fierce carnivorous creature that has been plaguing the
local population”…

“Well it looks as if you certainly have come prepared for
a long hunt”…

“Catching a Helix aspersa is no easy task,, one must be prepared for any eventuality when combing thru the
unexplored vegetation”…

“I guess that explains the 14 native bearers and the armored
Hum-vee”…

“I’m not going to take any chances with this foul creature”…

“Do you really think a Gatling gun is needed?”...

“Ahhh,, don’t worry about that its not even loaded,,
I just use it to scare away poachers…Mataloometoo,,
show him its not loaded”….

(Ratta tat tat Ratta tat tat)

“My mistake I guess it was”…

“You just shot my soundman,, you idiot”…

“No I didn’t,, besides its just a flesh wound”…

“A flesh wound?...his heads missing”…

“Well,, I’m sure it must be around here somewhere”…

“So what!!... its not like you can just sew it back on”…

“Of course you can…I told you that hunting the
Helix aspersa was dangerous…I’m sure a little scratch like that is covered by insurance”…

“You’re a complete moron,, just who would finance you anyway?...and what is a Helix aspersa?”...

“This whole expedition has been arranged and financed by
Chef Peirre la Scampeatireo…a Helix aspersa is a dangerous creature with a single deformed foot and is encased in a shell
harder than a goose egg,, and it has two black beady eyes that can hypnotize a full grown elephant”…

“There are no elephants around here…how do you find a Helix aspersa?”...

“Well,, there used to be elephants around here but the Helix aspersa must have eaten them all”…

“There hasn’t been an elephant around here since the ice age”…

“Its like I told you the Helix aspersa is a dangerous creature”…
“You can only track them by the viscous trail that they leave...Get down here,, and I’ll show you one”…

“You want me to crawl around on the ground?”...
“I thought you said these things were huge,, vicious killers”…

“That’s right,, it’s the only way to get close to them”…

“Alright now what?”...

“Careful,, don’t move…move your hand slowly”…

“What?”...

“You almost put your hand on one”…

“You mean this?...a snail”…

“No!!!...get it away from me…agggh it touched me….aggghh”…

“Come on Hector,, lets get out of here”…

“But Mr. Hack what about Raul?”...

“Leave him,, oh look there’s a Mc Donalds across the street,,
we can call the police from there”…

“This has been Dan Hack reporting to you live from the
vacant lot at 5th and Walbash”…………