CANADA DAY...............

. .(Drowsey in full celebration attire)

CANADA DAY……..
Hey according to the Drowseyland blog site,,
Tuesday ,, July 1st is Canada Day…isn’t that great?...
I think they call it Canada Day because they want everyone
who lives up there to know what country they live in…
Maybe the citizens get confused by all the nice weather and
think they live in Aruba or something…Which is hard for me to
fathom,, cuz even I know that Aruba doesn’t get snow or
have icebergs floating down main street…
I guess up North in the land of the frozen tundra,,
its something to celebrate,, of course as an American
I’ve never heard of it…So I decided to look it up
on Wikipedia,, after all learning about sub-artic lands and
primitive cultures is somewhat fun,, it gives me lots of new
information that I can use in my wonderful blog-a-reno stories…

Well yesterday I sat myself down with a 5th of my favorite
beverage and I Yahooed 'Canada Day’,, I don’t Google because
yelling Google while wearing leather chaps just doesn’t seem right,,
so I always ‘Yahoo’,, it keeps the neighbors alert…As I’ve said
I never heard of this holiday,, I suppose that’s what you’d call it,,
I don’t know why,, maybe its cuz apparently they still speak
French up there…When are they going to join the 21st century
and abandon speaking pastry,, who knows…Anyway it was
fascinating stuff,, almost…I never knew that just North of the
good ole US of A there was such a place…Its kind of like Mexico,,
except it has lots of trees,, polar bears,, Nanooks,, dancing penguins,,
and lots and lots of ice fishermen…Apparently fishing for ice
when its -20c is great fun,, as long as you don’t fall asleep,,
and become frozen to the ice…In which case they have to call
the Royal Canadian mounted Dudley Do Rights and have your
frozen torso removed and then you are transported to the even
more frozen North,, so that the polar bears will have something
to play with…Oh,, and you may have noticed that I used the
term ‘-20c’ for the temperature,, apparently up there in the land
of frosty runny noses they still use that antiquated French form
of measurement,, backwards huh?...And just to prove my point
they call their money ‘loonies’,, explains a lot don’t it?...

Well,, back to Canada Day…Canada Day started on July 1, 1867,,
more or less,, it was first proclaimed on June 20, 1868, by then
Governor General Lord Muckluck when he issued a royal
proclamation asking for Canadians to "celebrate the anniversary
of the confederation"…However,, the holiday was not established
statutorily until 1879,, when it was designated as Dominion Day,,
(seems there are a lot of S&M types running around up there)
in reference to the designation of the country as a Dominion in
the British North America Act,, of 1867...The holiday was initially
not dominant in the national calendar,, up to the early 20th
century,, Canadians thought themselves to be primarily British,,
(boy they just can’t get anything right,, their French) being thus
less interested in celebrating distinctly Canadian forms of
patriotism…No official celebrations were therefore held until
1917 – the golden anniversary of Confederation – and then none
again for a further decade…

Confusing…Unlike here in the good ole US of A,,
Canadians don’t celebrate Canada Day by shooting off fireworks,,
and setting farm fields and small towns on fire from falling embers…
No,, they celebrate Canada Day,, by participating in their favorite
sport,, which is,, penguin bowling…This sport has been banned
by the International Sports Federation,, but I guess Canadians
don’t care…Especially when they’re all liquored up from drinking
too much Salmon liver beer…Penguin bowling is played
by 7 ½ teams of 11 people each,, the idea is to knock down as
many penguins as possible using frozen dwarfs,, the first team
to successfully knock down two penguins in a row is declared the
winner and awarded the key to the towns Swedish sauna,,
where the winners get naked and try to see if the ‘parts’ fit…
After the arousing game of penguin bowling,, the townspeople
scramble about the village with pitchforks and torches in hand,,
breaking into every house looking for English speaking tourists,,
then they have a town bar-b-q,, roasting tourists,, and smoking
kippers from a ‘bong’…This is why Americans do not go on vacation
in the land of the Nanook…After the sun sets they all get in their
American made cars and head for the US border,, where they
exchange their ‘loonies’ for real money and spend every cent
on the American side buying luxuries (all made in China of course),,
things like toilet paper,, deodorant and the most popular items
seem to be adult woo-woo toys,, and electric space heaters…

Well that’s what I learned on Wikipedia anyway,,
it sounds like a great holiday…
If you can’t believe me,, who can you believe?....................