CANADA DAY...............

. .(Drowsey in full celebration attire)

CANADA DAY……..
Hey according to the Drowseyland blog site,,
Tuesday ,, July 1st is Canada Day…isn’t that great?...
I think they call it Canada Day because they want everyone
who lives up there to know what country they live in…
Maybe the citizens get confused by all the nice weather and
think they live in Aruba or something…Which is hard for me to
fathom,, cuz even I know that Aruba doesn’t get snow or
have icebergs floating down main street…
I guess up North in the land of the frozen tundra,,
its something to celebrate,, of course as an American
I’ve never heard of it…So I decided to look it up
on Wikipedia,, after all learning about sub-artic lands and
primitive cultures is somewhat fun,, it gives me lots of new
information that I can use in my wonderful blog-a-reno stories…

Well yesterday I sat myself down with a 5th of my favorite
beverage and I Yahooed 'Canada Day’,, I don’t Google because
yelling Google while wearing leather chaps just doesn’t seem right,,
so I always ‘Yahoo’,, it keeps the neighbors alert…As I’ve said
I never heard of this holiday,, I suppose that’s what you’d call it,,
I don’t know why,, maybe its cuz apparently they still speak
French up there…When are they going to join the 21st century
and abandon speaking pastry,, who knows…Anyway it was
fascinating stuff,, almost…I never knew that just North of the
good ole US of A there was such a place…Its kind of like Mexico,,
except it has lots of trees,, polar bears,, Nanooks,, dancing penguins,,
and lots and lots of ice fishermen…Apparently fishing for ice
when its -20c is great fun,, as long as you don’t fall asleep,,
and become frozen to the ice…In which case they have to call
the Royal Canadian mounted Dudley Do Rights and have your
frozen torso removed and then you are transported to the even
more frozen North,, so that the polar bears will have something
to play with…Oh,, and you may have noticed that I used the
term ‘-20c’ for the temperature,, apparently up there in the land
of frosty runny noses they still use that antiquated French form
of measurement,, backwards huh?...And just to prove my point
they call their money ‘loonies’,, explains a lot don’t it?...

Well,, back to Canada Day…Canada Day started on July 1, 1867,,
more or less,, it was first proclaimed on June 20, 1868, by then
Governor General Lord Muckluck when he issued a royal
proclamation asking for Canadians to "celebrate the anniversary
of the confederation"…However,, the holiday was not established
statutorily until 1879,, when it was designated as Dominion Day,,
(seems there are a lot of S&M types running around up there)
in reference to the designation of the country as a Dominion in
the British North America Act,, of 1867...The holiday was initially
not dominant in the national calendar,, up to the early 20th
century,, Canadians thought themselves to be primarily British,,
(boy they just can’t get anything right,, their French) being thus
less interested in celebrating distinctly Canadian forms of
patriotism…No official celebrations were therefore held until
1917 – the golden anniversary of Confederation – and then none
again for a further decade…

Confusing…Unlike here in the good ole US of A,,
Canadians don’t celebrate Canada Day by shooting off fireworks,,
and setting farm fields and small towns on fire from falling embers…
No,, they celebrate Canada Day,, by participating in their favorite
sport,, which is,, penguin bowling…This sport has been banned
by the International Sports Federation,, but I guess Canadians
don’t care…Especially when they’re all liquored up from drinking
too much Salmon liver beer…Penguin bowling is played
by 7 ½ teams of 11 people each,, the idea is to knock down as
many penguins as possible using frozen dwarfs,, the first team
to successfully knock down two penguins in a row is declared the
winner and awarded the key to the towns Swedish sauna,,
where the winners get naked and try to see if the ‘parts’ fit…
After the arousing game of penguin bowling,, the townspeople
scramble about the village with pitchforks and torches in hand,,
breaking into every house looking for English speaking tourists,,
then they have a town bar-b-q,, roasting tourists,, and smoking
kippers from a ‘bong’…This is why Americans do not go on vacation
in the land of the Nanook…After the sun sets they all get in their
American made cars and head for the US border,, where they
exchange their ‘loonies’ for real money and spend every cent
on the American side buying luxuries (all made in China of course),,
things like toilet paper,, deodorant and the most popular items
seem to be adult woo-woo toys,, and electric space heaters…

Well that’s what I learned on Wikipedia anyway,,
it sounds like a great holiday…
If you can’t believe me,, who can you believe?....................

A SANDMAN BREAKFAST........

A SANDMAN BREAKFAST………..

(son)…What are you going to do today daddy?...

(father)…Today after breakfast,, I’m going to become a martyr…

What’s that daddy?...

A martyr is a great person,, I’m going to blow myself up
in the name of Islam…

Ohhh,,…How are you going to do that daddy?..

I’m going to steal a van,, load it with all the explosives and
the c4 we have in the spare room,, and then drive into the
marketplace and blow up the van…

Wouldn’t that hurt daddy?...

No,, I’ll become a martyr and everyone will love me and
respect me…

What about the people in the marketplace daddy?...

Their not like us son,, they deserve to die…

Aren’t they Iraqis too,, daddy?…

Yes they are,, but their not like us…

Don’t they follow Mohammed like we do?...

Yes,, they do…but their not like us…

They don’t read the Koran?...

Of course they read the Koran,, their Islamic too…

I don’t understand,, daddy…

Their not like us,, that’s all…they wear brown belts and we
wear black belts,, that makes them different,,
so its OK,, to blow them up…

Oh,, what if you blow up someone wearing a black belt?...

That’s OK too,, because Allah wants them to be blown up,,
otherwise they wouldn’t be at the market today…

Oh,, what about mommy,, me and my sisters?...

You’ll be OK,, you see,, Mullah Nutjobbie will pay mommy
lots of money after I become a martyr for Islam…

Oh,, OK daddy…Have fun slaughtering everyone in the marketplace…

Thanks son,, by the way…Next Tuesday is your turn…

But I’m only 6 years old…

Doesn’t matter,, Islam wants you to become a martyr …

Oh,, OK…I didn’t want to become a doctor anyway……..

Sandpeople,, got to love em….quick somebody give me
a hydrogen bomb………….

A MARTIAN TAG

Well it appears that it is once again time to pull out my trusty pack of Crayola crayons and create a vicious,, mean spirited,,
horrific,, smelly,, bubbling,, rotting puss bag of worm eaten
filth type of revenge tag for that little munchkin Martian invader Marvin…As you remember on last weeks
Emmy award winning (reg trademark) post,, Marvin in an
ill advised moment of shear audacity threw a radioactive tag at me,, which I promptly answered within a matter of seconds,, all while balancing an aardvark and a penguin on my head…So now,, according to the rules of Blogland,, I’m going to tag him with one of my own…
So here it is,, in glorious Technicolor,, I advise all other
Bloggers who happen by,, not to read any of the questions,,
or your mind may become a permanent bag of mush…

The rules:
Its my Blog so there are none…ppppllllttthhhh….

The questions:
1…If your brain was bigger than a chickens,,
would you be able to cross the road?...

2…How many Martians does it take to change
a light bulb?...(please no help from any French mimes)…

3…In the movie “Robinson Crusoe on Mars",, what is the
monkeys name?...

4…Explain in four sentences or less the time dilation effects
caused by a Klingon Warbirds exploding matter/anti-matter
warp core…

5…What’s a henweigh?...

6…When stranded on a desert island,, who would you
rather have with you,, Ginger or Maryann?...

Well that should keep the skirt wearing little alien
busy for a while……

OUT OF THE WEST........

OUT OF THE WEST……………..
They came out of the East some did say
But Iys knows different cuz I was there that day
They came a thundering out of the Western land
Swubird and his vicious gang of cutthroat thieves
Coming out the land of Pesos Bill looking for a thrill
There was Moonbeam Bob,, Miss Kitty Dedrowsey
And riding beside them all was Two-gun Tony
The most vile and vicious of them all
They came riding hard thru a cloud of dust
All liquored up on white lightin’ from a still
They was hankerin’ to make the townsfolk pay
With six guns blastin’ they came roarin’ down the road
Then suddenly the sheriff stood up near where they strode
Sheriff Marvin stood there that day with his
Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator cattle gun
And right behind him was that double pump honey
Mz Lorelei
Then the sheriff on his ladder did say
“Get out of my town or it’ll be your reckonin’ day”
But Swubird was in no mind to oblige
He just said “Get out of my way” and shot the sheriff
Now there he lies,, boo-hoo cried Mz Lorelei
Two banjo players came out of the saloon
Pickin’ and a strummin’ a happy tune
“I shot the sheriff,, but I did not shoot the deputy”
History was made that fateful day
When Swubird and his vicious gang rode thru the land
And as they left I plainly heard them say
“Happy trails to you,, until we meet again”………

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN part 6.....

The next day dawned crisp and with a clear blue sky,, no rain clouds
or fog this day…Sigmarr watched the Northern horizon for signs
of the Borjiorn,, but he saw none…

“Sound the battle horns”,, Sigmarr commanded…”Let them know we are here”…”Let them come,, we are ready”…

The battle horns were sounded and they echoed through the trees
and into the valley…Soon Borjiorn horsemen could be seen on
the horizon…Scouts looking for the Kings remaining men…

“You will remember this day,, this day you will defeat the Borjiorn and save your families and villages,, long will this day be celebrated,, songs and tales of heroes will be written about this day”…Sigmarr yelled to the men…”Follow what we have told you,, and we shall destroy them all”…

The men roared and banged their swords against their shields…No cowards among these men,, all where ready to defend their homes and their Kingdom from the Borjiorn invaders…
Borjiorn riders soon appeared on the horizon,, stretching from tree line to tree line,, ready to charge down the hill as they had done the day before…They moved slowly at first,, then gathered speed as they came closer and closer…A great wall of men and horses thundering towards Sigmarr and the men…

“Sound the horn”…Sigmarr ordered…

Men waiting near the ditch way,, lit their torches and cast them into the tangle of tree limbs…The oil soaked branches quickly spread the fire,, leaving only the small opening near the center clear…
“Archers fire when ready”,, arrows filled the air,, striking the Borjiorn as they slowed down and were pressed together to make it through the path…Sigmarr’s men parted and let the riders thru,, hiding behind a wall of shields leaving only a small path through the center…Protected behind their shields the men struck the Borjiorn with spears and swords as they rode through the gauntlet…The Borjiorn were squeezed closer and closer together,, unable to turn…Horse and men fell and confusion caused the riders to keep going forward,, pushed from behind by their own men and being attached from both sides by Sigmarr and his men…The Borjiorn riders soon reached the edge of the forest,, only to be blocked by spikes and wagons in the trees…
Nearly all the Borjiorn raiders were thru the opening near the fiery
ditch way when the battle horn was sounded again…Burning wagons
from the Eastern and Western edge of the ditch way were rolled out,, closing off the path…The Borjiorn were trapped,, between the impenetrable forest,, the fire behind them and Sigmarr and the men…Squeezed ever tighter and tighter,, unable to maneuver their
horses,, the Borjiorn were easy targets for the men…Hatred for what the Borjiorn had done,, caused the men to fight with a fury and vengeance that was not in them the day before…The Borjiorn
were shown no mercy,, and they were quickly slaughtered…

The battle horns came alive again,, this time not for war but in celebration…Soon the name of Sigmarr was yelled by all the men…
“Sigmarr,, Sigmarr,, Sigmarr”…



“Do you think you’ll be well enough to get up today?”,, Sigmarr
asked Kergin,, who laid on the bed,, finishing his morning meal…
“It has been three weeks since you were wounded,, surely you can do something,, besides lay in bed eating all my food and drinking all
my ale”…”Do you think it will be today?”…

“I will try dear brother,, but my side still pains me and I can barely walk”…said Kergin,, finishing the last bite of his bread…

(bang bang bang)…Came the sound of someone at the door…

“What is it?”,, Sigmarr said plainly upset by being disturbed
from his trying to get Kergin to get up…

Four royal guards stood at the door way…

“Are you Sigmarr?”…asked the guard…

“Yes I am Sigmarr,, what is it this time?”…

“You are being summoned to the elders counsel,, we have been ordered to take…ehh…we have been ordered to ask you to come with us”…

“What’s this about?”…”Have I not done enough for the King?”…

“We don’t know,, sir”…”We were only told to come here and
…and ask you to come with us”…

“Sir?”…laughed Sigmarr…

“You had better go with them Sigmarr,, they look rough”..
said an amused Kergin…

“Yes,, I suppose I must”,, responded Sigmarr...

“And while I’m gone you will do some work around here,, or
Anita will not feed you”…

“Work?...but”…

A great table sat in the middle of the Kings great hall…Around it sat the 16 elders of the royal counsel and behind them sat many of the
Kings seer priests…The table was bare except for candles in their stands…

“Sigmarr,, we are glad that you came”,, Elder Glimhildr said as he stood to greet Sigmarr…

“I was ordered here by the King,, else I would not have come”…

“There is no King”…Elder Glimhildr responded…”That is why we have asked you here”…”We have something of importance to tell you”…

“No King!...speak plainly I have no patience for such games”…

“There is no King,, since King Hjanrist and his brother were killed
by the Borjiorn,, the royal bloodline was broken”…”Since then we have gathered here to discuss what to do,, and to choose a new King”…”Someone worthy of the crown,, someone brave,, strong,,
and noble enough to lead the people of this land…Someone who will not faultier and will not stray from the path of leading his people fairly and wisely”…”After these many weeks we have chosen such a man”…

“Good,, I would like to meet this new King”…”Then I can return home to my farm and family”…”Who is he?”…

“We have chosen a man who through the years has shown bravery and a willingness to fight for what is right and has fought many times against the enemies of this Kingdom,, a man of simple wisdom,, a man who saved this Kingdom from the Borjiorn hordes just weeks ago,, a man who would of sacrificed all he had to save his fellow brothers”…

“Captain Tisamar?”…”You have chosen well,, he will make a fine King”…”His bravery and loyalty is known throughout the land”…
“The people will accept him as a wise King”…

“You share those same traits,, Sigmarr,, and your leadership during the battle against the Borjiorn,, proved to us that you should be our
King”…

“Me?”…”I can not…I am just a simple farmer,, a simple man,, I
know nothing of royal ways”…

“It is not what you do not know,, but rather what is in your heart,, that we have chosen you”…”Take what fate and the Gods are offering to you,, and lead this Kingdom,, from this day forward into all the tomorrows”…

A simple man ascended to sit on the throne a few weeks later…
Anita,, Krista,, his new born son and his adopted son William,,
were there to witness the event…As was Kergin,, who only
came for the food and wine,, for he did not like royal ways…
Or so he would say to anyone who asked…………


This is just an old story that has been told many many times at night,, along the campfires edge,, of Sigmarr and his fight against the Borjiorn…
About a mans love for his family and his homeland,, about a mans
willingness to sacrifice everything for what he believes in…
To accept the path that fate has placed before him…Just an ancient fable that is told...
Or is it just a fireside fable that is told?...Would you not fight the
Borjiorn hordes if they threatened your loved ones?...........


THE END................
Now ain’t you glad you slept thru the whole story?....



For more adventures of Sigmarr,, see
Sigmarr and the Glaynor (11-1-07)
Sigmarr and the Shield of Njordist (11-8-07)

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN part 5.....

“Sigmarr,, Sigmarr”…”Do you live?”…yelled Captain Tisamar as he
shook Sigmarr’s shoulder…

“Uggh”…Sigmarr rolled over and felt the misting rain on his face…
He reached up for Captain Tisamar and was helped to his feet…
“What of the….of the King?”…Sigmarr said removing his damaged helmet and wiping the dried blood from his face…A long jagged scar ran from his temple to his cheek bone…Blood was caked over it…A small area still dripped blood onto his shoulder…Sigmarr flexed his sore jaw and pulled a broken tooth from his mouth…

“The King and his brother are dead …his captains were all slain with him”…

“The Gods did not like us this day”…replied Sigmarr…”What of the Borjiorn?”…

“They returned to their camp,, the rain and muddy ground were too
much for their horses”…”We must flee to the South,, while we can”…

“No!!...we must fight them here,, they will only follow us and kill us
as we flee,, or stalk us in the night and slit our throats while we sleep”…”They must be destroyed,, never to return”…

“How?”…”We can not fight them here”…”And we have lost many men”…”Many are wounded and can not fight”…

“It doesn’t matter,, we will fight them,, no matter the cost…our homes,, our families…our children will not be taken as slaves”…
“We will move to the valley to the East,, I know it well,, it is
guarded on three sides by trees…Go and gather the men and supplies,, tell them we will fight,, bring the wounded and the Kings flags”…

“Tomorrow the Borjiorn die”…”We will set a trap for them”…

“I will tell them,, but”…
.
“Tell them,, and tell them again,, remind them of their homes and
families,, remind them of why they are here”…”Do it loudly,,
and they will follow you”…”I will join you later”…

“What of you?”…

“I have a friend that needs tending”…

Sigmarr lead a stay horse by the reins over to where he had
left Kergin…
The small boy was still there,, standing just a little taller than before…A Borjiorn raider laid on the ground with an arrow thru
his eye,, his left foot caught in his horses stirrup…Sigmarr smiled
at the boy…”You have done well,, young man”…

“Your friend has not moved for a long time”…
Sigmarr placed his hand to Kergin’s chest…”He still lives”…”Come
help me put him on this horse”…
“Up you go too,, take the reins and hold fast so he does not fall”…
Sigmarr removed the foot of the Borjiorn raider from the stirrup and
stepping on the dead mans chest,, seated himself on the horse…
“Follow me,, we will take him to someone who can help”…

Sigmarr lead the boy thru the remaining forest area and into the field
beyond,, where the women of the Kings soldiers waited for their loved ones return…Men bloodied from battle staggered from the forest towards their wives,, seeking help and tenderness from them…

“Anita,, Anita”…Sigmarr yelled…

“Sigmarr,, over here”…

“Its Kergin,, he’s hurt badly,, you know the ways of a healer,, see what you can do”…

“I will”…”Sigmarr!...you’re wounded…let me look at you”…

“It is but a scratch,, I must return to the battle”…

“I will look at you before you go!”…

“It is nothing”…

“Come and sit down for a moment,, I will clean your ‘scratch’ and then look at Kergin”…

“Very well woman…but hurry”…

Anita cleaned the wound and stitched it as best she could,, then made a poultice of dried herbs and roots…

“Take this… and put it on whenever you can…it will help the pain
and stop the bleeding”…

Anita then turned to Kergin…”You have done a good job with the bandages,, the bleeding has stopped,, but this arrow must come out”…”Sigmarr hold him down,, while I cut it out”…”There I have it”…

“And who is this boy?”…

“He is a very brave young man,, killed a Borjiorn and saved Kergin’s life”…

“He is brave”…

“What’s your name boy?”…asked Sigmarr…

“William,, sir”…

“That is a fine,, strong name…stay here and help my wife…I
will return after we have destroyed the Borjiorn”…

Sigmarr did not look back as he guided his horse at full gallop
to rejoin Captain Tisamar and the remaining soldiers…

“Sigmarr it is good that you have returned so soon”,, said Captain Tisamar …”The soldiers will stand and fight with you,, as will most
of the villagers”…”There are many wounded who are willing also”…

“Good,, good…we have much work to do,, for tomorrow will be the
end of the Borjiorn,, this I promise”…

“Tell me what we must do,, and I will instruct the men”…

Sigmarr and all the able bodied men worked through out the remainder of the day and into the night preparing for the Borjiorn attack they all knew would come…A ditch way was dug in front of the encampment and filled with straw,, hay and branches then soaked with cooking oil…Only a small gap was left near the center,, perhaps only wide enough for 4 horsemen to come thru at once…The edges of the surrounding forest were filled with sharpened spikes dug into the ground and ropes crisscrossed from tree to tree…Exhausted men got what little sleep they could,, Sigmarr and Captain Tisamar got no sleep…They wandered the camp,, looking after the wounded and wondering about the fight ahead…Would the Borjiorn do as they expected and fall into the trap?...

END OF EPISODE 5................
. INTERMISSION
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN
I only posted it this way just to annoy you…..
What do you expect for a dollar?..........
Hey,, where's my dollar?.......
. .....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN part 4.....

In the following days Sigmarr and Kergin went about the task of
trying to train farm boys and villagers in the use of swords,,
bows and battle axes…Brave willing fighters when grouped
together in the calmness of a sunny day,, just practicing against
shadows and straw figures…But how would they react when they
would be alone and chaos filled the battlefield?...Sigmarr feared
that they would scatter and be easy prey for the Borjiorn,,
he knew that only fighting as one did they have a chance
against the Borjiorn hordes…

It was an early midmorning when a rider approached Sigmarr and
whispered a message to him…

“What is it?”…asked Kergin…

“Anita is here,, camped in the valley to the South”…

“You let her come?”…

“I did not”…”You know that she has the will of any man and
a head of stone”…”She would not listen to me”…

“You should ride to see her”…

“No,, I can not think of her now”…”Thoughts of her would only
distract me from the battle ahead”…

Each day of waiting seemed to grow longer and longer as the men
practiced and prepared for the battle to come…Borjiorn scouts
could easily be seen on the hill,, always watching…
Angry clouds drifted overhead on the morning of Valdris,,
normally a festive day of celebration in most villages…A dense
fog hugged the valley floor with the sun trying to break thru…
An eerie quiet was everywhere in the camp,, listening for any
sounds from the North…The Borjiorn could easily use the fog as
cover for an attack...
A low rumbling could be heard gathering speed from the North,,
the baying of horses and the clanging of sword against shield could
now be heard…The sounds of battle horns alerted the camp to
be ready,, and for every man to take their positions…
The Borjiorn were charging down the hill,, hidden within the
fogs shroud…

“Archers at the ready”…commanded Captain Tisamar...”Fire”…
Arrows flew from every direction into the mist,, hoping to
blunt the Borjiorn charge…again the command was given and
again the arrows disappeared into the white void…The fog began
to roll and turn in waves of silken forms,, then the Borjiorn horses
burst thru the veil and were within striking distance of the pike
men at the front edge of the army in an instant…So great was
their charge that the front defenses broke away with little effort
and they were among the soldiers,, swinging their swords and
battleaxes towards anyone that stood before them…
The black horses of the Borjiorn,, trained for battle,, did not pause
and cared little for what was before them…The flaming barricades
that protected the flanks were easily pulled apart with grapples
and chains of the Borjiorn…
King Hjanrist’s army was soon surrounded and it became harder
and harder for them to maneuver as the Borjiorn pressed
from all sides…

A misting rain began to fall and the Kings battle horns were
sounded,, the signal for the Kings cavalry to charge forward from
their hiding places in the surrounding woods…Horsemen crashed
into horsemen,, a dance of sword and shield…
Sigmarr and Kergin fought along side of one another,, twisting
and turning in the confusion of the battle…From every direction
the Borjiorn horsemen seemed to appear…Kergin could easily
kill them with his arrows while Sigmarr cut them down with his
broadsword as they tried to weave in and out of the mass of soldiers…

“Agggh…agggh”…yelled Kergin…

Sigmarr turned quickly at hearing his friends scream…
Kergin fell to the ground with and arrow thru his side and another
in his thigh…

“Kergin!!...Sigmarr rushed to his friend…

“Look out”…

Sigmarr looked back and turned just as a Borjiorn lance missed
his back,, his hands grabbed the weapon and impaled it into the
ground…The Borjiorn rider caught by surprise was vaulted
from his horse and landed next to Kergin…Sigmarr quickly thrust
his sword into his enemies neck…
Sigmarr returned to his friend…

“Agggh…get these things out of me”….Kergin moaned…

“I will my brother”…Sigmarr snapped the shaft of the arrow
which had penetrated Kergin’s side,, the arrow head exposed
from his back…

“Here”…placing the arrow shaft in Kergin’s mouth…
”Bite hard on this”…Sigmarr grabbed the arrow head and pulled
it though with one swift motion…

“The other arrow is in too deep”,, Sigmarr said as he snapped
its shaft…“I will have to cut it out”…Sigmarr then lifted Kergin
onto his shoulders and carried him thru the battlefield
and into the forest…

“You will be safe here”,, Sigmarr placed Kergin against the base
of a tree and bound his wounds with pieces cut from
Kergin’s leggings…

“You boy,, come here”…Sigmarr yelled at a small boy who was
wandering in the forest crying and sobbing…”come here boy”…
“Stop your crying boy”…what is your name?”…

The boy too scared to answer stood there sobbing…

Sigmarr slapped the boy…”This is no time for a man to be
crying”…”Time for you to be a man…you are needed here”…
“My friend here needs your help”…Sigmarr shook the boy…
“Do you understand me?”...

“Ye..e..ss”…

“Stay here and watch over my friend,, give him water if he
needs it,, and see that his bandages are kept in place”…
“Do you understand?...it is time for you to become a man”…
“You must do this”…

“Yes"….

“Take these arrows and bow,, and use them if the Borjiorn
comes by”…”Do not hesitate or you both will die”…

“Kergin…I will return”…

Kergin lifted his arm,, and waved off Sigmarr…”Go”….

The misting rain that had begun earlier was now coming down
much heavier and thunder and lighting filled the clouds…
Sigmarr rejoined the battle,, his fury and anger,, where to
powerful for any Borjiorn raiders that came within striking distance
of his broadsword…Sigmarr fought through the invaders until
he could see the Kings tent ahead…too late…Borjiorn horsemen
where tearing down the tent and trampling over the remains,,
using their lances on anything that moved,, the tent became
red with the blood of those caught underneath…
A copper clad battle hammer smashed into the side of
Sigmarr’s helmet,, cracking it from its crown to the jaw line…
Sigmarr slumped to his knees and fell over into the blood and
rain soaked field…

END OF EPISODE 4................
. INTERMISSION
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN
Oooh,, just what I like,, lots of blood and guts all
0ver the place….
. .....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN part 3.....

“Anita,, Anita…I want you to flee South with Krista and my son,,
hide in the Salgedor caves until I return…the Borjiorn are invading
again and I am going to fight with the King’s army”….

“I’m not leaving,, I will go with you”…

“No!,, its too dangerous…No!… you must go with the children”...

“I will not,, I will have the widow Thala take them to safety
and follow you”…

“I have no time for such talk,, you will go and hide in the
Salgedor caves”…

“I will follow you,, you know I will….the children will be safe with
widow Thala …

“Very well,, you can follow with the wagon and supplies”,, Sigmarr
said exasperated at his wife…

“But you must stay away from the battlefield…
do you understand woman!”...

“Yes,, my husband”,, Anita responded dryly…

Sigmarr and Anita worked thru most of the day and into the night
preparing for the journey…They loaded the wagon with food and supplies,, caged chickens,, some geese,, flour,, and cornmeal,, blankets and lamp oil and tied two cows to the back of the wagon…
Sigmarr knew that an army fights as much with its stomach as it
does with their swords…The trek to the battlefield would be a quick one for Sigmarr,, perhaps 3 days hard ride,, but for Anita it would be a long hard journey,, driving the wagon alone and tending to the animals needs…
The early morning came with a grey clouded sunrise as Sigmarr said his goodbyes to Krista and his son,, perhaps he would never see them again…Anita helped him on with his chain mail armor and his weapons of war…Not an easy time for either of them,, it was
something they both knew must be done if they were to save
their family and home…Sigmarr only looked back once at
Anita and Krista standing near their home…Anita took her children over to widow Thala and instructed her on what to do…Then she began her long journey towards an unknown fate…

The road soon became crowded with men and soldiers heading
North and scared villagers fleeing to the South…Sigmarr knew many of the men on the road,, it was good that veterans of past battles with the Borjiorn were ready to fight once again…The villagers talked of the horrors that the Borjiorn did to many villages,, of them coming without warning at sunrise and slaughtering everyone,, burning everything in their path…Tells of terror that only made the soldiers more eager and angry,, ready for the fight ahead,, ready for revenge and to destroy the Borjiorn hordes for what they had done…

“Wake up you lazy dog”,, yelled Sigmarr as he kicked the sleeping
figure of a man under the blanket…

Kergin immediately jumped to his feet,, with dagger ready to right
off the intruder that disturbed his sleep…

“Sigmarr!,, its about time you arrived…I thought I’d have to
fight the Borjiorn by myself”…

“Don’t worry my friend,, I’m sure there will be plenty to go around”…”What have you heard?...where is the King and Captain Tisamar?”…

“Borjiorn scouts have been watching us since we began to arrive,,
we captured a couple of them but they told us nothing…The Kings tent is over there”…Kergin pointed to the middle of the encampment where a large tent stood surrounded by 6 smaller ones…The royal flags could be clearly seen…

“I will have a word with him,, this valley is no place for us to fight
the Borjiorn”…

Sigmarr approached the entrance to the Kings tent intent on making his words heard about the battle to come…

“Halt”…the two royal guards shouted as they blocked his path with their lances,, hands already on the hilts of their swords…

“I must see the King”…”I am Sigmarr of Kadermist”… Sigmarr shouted loud enough so that anyone inside the tent could plainly hear…

A few moments passed and then Captain Tisamar appeared at the entrance…

“Sigmarr!,, it is good that you are here,, your skills will be needed”…

“I wish to see the King”…”we can not fight here”…”I must tell him”…

“I have already told the King these things,, but the other captains
have convinced him we can fight here…come inside and lend your
voice to mine”…

“Leave your weapons here”…

Sigmarr looked at the guard in amazement,, did he not know who
he was?…
Captain Tisamar rebuked the guards…
“Sigmarr is no enemy of the King,, he is not an assassin”…

Sigmarr stood near the center of the Kings tent…”My King”…
King Hjanrist was discussing the coming battle with his captains and
looking over maps of the area…The royal tent was sparsely furnished but its was plain to see that it was not just an ordinary
soldiers tent…

“Sigmarr it is good that you are here,, my father spoke very highly of you,, as does Captain Tisamar”…replied King Hjanrist barely looking up from the maps and charts on the table…”What is it that you wish to talk to me about?”…”Be quick for as you can see,, there is much to be done and I have no time for trivial matters”…

“My King,, this is no trivial matter…we can not fight here…this valley is too open and we are not protected on our sides”…”The Borjiorn are experienced horsemen of the Northern plains and will easily surround us…We can not fight them from all sides…we should move to the valley to the East were we will be protected by the forest on our sides”...

“Captain Tisamar has already brought up this matter and we have plans to protect our sides,, to build barricades of trees and stakes that they can not get thru”…”We will be safe enough from attacks on our sides…my captains have assured me of this”…”We defeated them in this valley before when by father was King and we shall do so again”…

“My King,, this is foolishness…the Borjiorn surely would have learned from their mistakes in the past…it is foolish to stay here”…

“Sigmarr,, you forget that we also have horsemen… your words are wise and the King will consider them”…said Captain Tamjhir,, as
he was studying the maps with the King…

“My King!”…

“Enough Sigmarr!!,, the King will consider what you have said”…

“Come Sigmarr,, let us go,, the King has work to do”…Captain Tisamar motioned for Sigmarr to leave with him…

Outside the kings tent Sigmarr and Captain Tisamar discussed the battle to come…

“This is madness,, we will be unprepared for the Borjiorn”…

“I agree with your thoughts of this valley,, Sigmarr,, and I
will continue to try and convince the King that it is unwise to
fight here”…”But since the death of King Tragihma my voice is not as strong as it used to be…There are others that the King listens to”…”They give him wise council but are foolish and think little of the Borjiorn”…

“They are fools”…

“Calm yourself,, and do what you can to get the others ready for battle”…”I will speak with you later”…Captain Tisamar turned and
returned into the Kings tent…

“What did the King have to say?”…Kergin asked…

“Nothing…they are fools…remembering past glories”…
“They are unwise to think so little of their enemy”…

END OF EPISODE 3................
. INTERMISSION
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN
Find out next time if dwarfs really are from Mars…
And where your luggage disappears to at the airport…
......same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

EXTRA,, EXTRA......................

Cornstalkland, USA
This just in…FaerieKat lives…
Evidence was found of this discovery
in my E-gram box today…
Reports from indentified sources state that
she is only 10% better,, and fed up with
the men in white coats…Men in white
coats are said to be agents of the Health care system…
Unable for two months to relieve her pain…
Sources close to the story believe they are idiots,,
only willing to say “hang in there” and order
additional tests…
More news to come as we investigate this
breaking headline story………

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN part 2...

The full moon seemed to fill the horizon just before dawn as
Kergin waited impatiently for Sigmarr to say goodbye to Anita…

“I will talk with Hagen before we reach the Northern road and ask him to come over to help you with the farm chores”…”Make sure he
does a full days work before you pay him…a full days work”…

“Yes,, I know what needs to be done around here,, have I not helped you on many occasions?”…

“None the less,, sometimes he can be lazy,, if your not watching”…

“Everything will be fine,, now go on your hunting adventure with
Kergin”…

“Two weeks no more,, I am sure”…

“Go…before I change my mind”…

Sigmarr and Kergin left the village as the sun was just rising over the
Eastern horizon…a pack horse trailed behind with supplies and
hunting gear…’Red sky in the morning,, best heed this warning’…Sigmarr thought to himself…the road North to the village
of Ingileif was mostly thru prairie and farmland,, to the West was the
Salgerun forest where Sigmarr would often hunt Torst deer,, to the East he could just barely see the Halldor mountains on the horizon,, he knew this land well…The journey to Ingileif would only take about 2 days with the horses traveling at an easy gait,, enough time to listen and listen again to all of Kergin’s stories of adventure… Sigmarr had heard them many times before,, but he laughed and listened to them as if for the first time…it was good to be with Kergin again…
The village of Ingileif was like most villages in the Kingdom,, small homes and farms scattered about surrounding the main village square…Homes of merchants,, farmers and craftsman…much like
Sigmarr’s…Sigmarr and Kergin stopped to stay at the Double Oak Inn,, there they rented a room and inquired about any sightings of the Hagboffel from the barkeep…

“Just rumors I tell you,, it has been years since they were this far South,, the Borjiorn have slaughtered them all”…was the barkeeps response…”Damn Borjiorn I wish I’d never heard of them”…

“What rumors have you heard?” pressed Kergin…

“Just rumors,, just rumors…travel North about a half days journey,, then take the Sarojord road to the East…follow it and you may find some”…”the Sarojord road is mar---”…

“Yes,, I know the road you speak of”…Sigmarr said abruptly cutting the barkeep off from his ramblings…

An early morning mist lay over the prairie as Sigmarr and Kergin watched a small herd of Hagboffel lazily grazing…

“How long should we wait here?’’,, asked Kergin …

“We should wait until they are a little closer,, than we can
creep in along that dry creek bed over there and get close
enough”…”Remember to use a full bowstring and aim
for behind the front shoulder”…

Suddenly a Craven bird,, frighten from its nest by the approaching
Hagboffel,, rose up from the grass,, flapping its wings wildly and honking to scare the Hagboffel …The Hagboffel turned about and scattered…

“Damn,, would you look at that,, a Craven”…damn our luck”…
Kergin muttered while rising from behind the small mound,, still
hoping maybe to get a shot off…

Sigmarr rose and viewed the scene of the scattering Hagboffel,, he knew that their day of hunting was over…The Hagboffel would be too skittish now for anyone to come close…

“Kergin,, look to the North,, black smoke on the horizon”…

“Trouble”…

“Yes,, I agree,, lets ride over there and see what it is”…

The burning buildings and destruction of the small village of Agnarr was a sad sight to see for Sigmarr and Kergin…There was nothing left but the smoldering ruins of what once was a small peaceful farming village…The bodies of men,, women and children laid on the ground,, some killed with arrows and some with blood splattered bodies and a few without heads or limbs…Defenseless villagers slaughtered and left for the wild dogs and crows to eat…A few
scattered chickens and pigs wandered thru the streets,, some
pecking at the remains of the villagers…At the far end of the street
an old man was wandering about,, dazed and confused about
what had happened,, muttering and crying to himself,, shouting
out his wife’s name,, in a futile attempt to find her or anyone else
alive…Sigmarr dismounted from his horse and carefully approached the old man…

“Friend,, friend,, old man…what happened here,, who did this?...

“Huh,, Giselle?...who are you?...get away from me”…

“Old man,, tell us what happened…we will not harm you”…

“No,, get away”…

“He’s confused…leave him be”…said Kergin…

Sigmarr stepped over to one of the dead men lying on the ground and pulled one of the arrows out of the man’s back…

“Look here”…handing the arrow to Kergin…”it has Borjiorn markings” …”Look around and see what else you can find”…

It only took a short while for Kergin and Sigmarr to search thru the destroyed village,, there was no building that was left untouched,,
every structure had been set on fire…

“They took all the livestock and grain,, and they must of captured
some of the villagers,, there doesn’t seem to be enough bodies here
for all the homes”…Kergin spoke angrily…

“There are horse tracks and footprints leading off to the North,, we must warn King Hjanrist about this…it has been a long time since the Borjiorn have raided this far into the Kingdom,, they must be up to something… We must warn King Hjanrist about this… he must be warned”…replied Sigmarr…

“What of the old man?”…

“His mind has left him,, he’ll be dead soon…we must hurry”…

The great hall of King Hjanrist was filled with ministers and soldiers
talking and hurriedly heading in various directions,, an uneasy bustle,, not the regal quiet that would nominally be there….

“Thank you for your report,, Sigmarr…We have had similar reports
from all along the Northern border of such raiders for over a moons wane now…the King has dispatched scouts into the region and
all is not well”… Captain Tisamar explained to Sigmarr and Kergin…

“What of the scouts?”...

“They have reported seeing the Borjiorn gathering on the North
side of the river Glih,, near the Sajnoir crossing…villages as far
South as the Hejstill forest have been destroyed”…

“And the King?”…

“King Hjanrist has commanded that the army be assembled and
riders have been sent to every village to gather all able bodied men”…
”We will be heading North very shortly”…

Sigmarr and Kergin were not surprised by the Kings decision,,
it was known by all that the Borjiorn were raiding villages along
the border again…

“We must go,, Captain Tisamar …I will meet you and the army along the Torsteen road”….”Kergin?”…
“I’m ready now…I will go with Captain Tisamar and meet you later”…


END OF EPISODE 2................
. INTERMISSION
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN
Oh,, boy that was exciting……I see dead people…..
. .....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN.........

SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN …………

The years following the death of King Tragihma were prosperous years for Sigmarr,, he had worked long and hard tending to his farm and family…He was well respected among the villagers and always gave wise counsel to them when he was asked,, but he did not seek out fame or fortune,, nor did he seek any position among the Village
Council…He was content to work his land and see it prosper from his hard work…His family had also grown and now he had a young son,, only a month or so old…Sigmarr sat at the dining table,, he had worked from early morn till almost sundown,, now he rested,, smoking his Rumir pipe and watching his wife and Krista prepare the evenings meal…His son lay in its cradle next to the fireplace,, dreaming of faerie sprites and dragons to fight…A good life Sigmarr thought…

(bang bang bang)…Came the unexpected knocking on Sigmarr’s door,, disturbing his quiet thoughts…
(bang bang bang)…An incessant rude noise,, loud enough to wake
a Nivram …

“I’m coming,, stop your banging”…Sigmarr yelled at the unknown
visitor…

Sigmarr annoyed at being disturbed at this late hour,, jerked the
door open swiftly to confront this uninvited intruder…

“Who is it that would…..Kergin,, my old friend”…a broad smile replaced the scowl on Sigmarr’s face as he welcomed Kergin into his home,, Kergin was always welcome in the house of Sigmarr...
Kergin smiled, and greeted his old friend…They had not seen each other since before the winters snows…
“Why have you come?”,, asked Sigmarr…”Are you in need of money again?...or are you hiding from some tavern maid?”...a small chuckle came from Sigmarr,, for he knew his friend well…

“Can I not just come for a visit?...to visit an old friend and see his
lovely family and to see his new son?”...”Hello Krista,, Anita”…

“I think there is more to your visit that just to say hello,, I know you well,, you would not come unless there was something else on your mind…a scheme for making money perhaps?”…

“You hurt me,, my dear brother…I am here only as a visitor”…
“Tell me have you named your young son yet?”…

“No we have not,, he is still too young”…”But we have discussed
many fine names”…

“Perhaps Kergin…it is after all a very fine name”…

“Perhaps…if I wanted him to grow up to be a thief and a scoundrel”…

Sigmarr and Kergin both laughed…

“There is time enough to decide on a name”…
“Come sit down and have some dinner with us and amuse us
with your latest adventures”…”It is good to see you”…

“I shall,, I have ridden many a day to see you,, and I must confess
that my campfire stews are not as good as Anita’s cooking”…

“It is true that Anita is a fine cook,, and that I am a lucky man…
but be careful my friend,, for she knows you well,, and will treat
you as the braggart that you are”…ha,, ha…

The evenings meal seemed to pass quickly,, with Kergin recounting
his tales of adventure,, of wild nights gambling,, and fights with
the local villagers…He of course was always the victor in
his tales…Sigmarr and Kergin then sat by the fireplace,, it was
too warm for a fire,, but they both still gazed into the ashes,, remembering days gone by and retelling their adventures together…Tales of the Glaynor and the spinner-netters in the Starkdall forest,, of battles against the Borjiorn raiders …As the night ebbed,, the warm ale began to loosen Kergin’s tongue and finally he told Sigmarr the real reason he had come…

“I have heard rumors that the Hagboffel have been seen up North
by the village of Ingileif”…

“The Hagboffel?...they have not been this far South for many a year”…

The Hagboffel is an animal perhaps 5 times the size of a bull with long curly golden hair and tusks 4 ft long,, a wary creature that roams in the grasslands to the North in the land of the Borjiorn…It’s fur is highly prized and worth a lot of money,, due to its lightweight and warmth…The meat is said to taste as sweet as Marshberries… But it is not an animal easy killed and many a hunter has been gored by its tusks or trampled under its feet,, not an easy prey for any man…

“Come with me,, I have plans to kill the beasts,, we will divide
the money from the furs and have plenty of meat for the smokehouse to last the winter”…

“No…I can not…I am too busy with my farm,, I have much to
attend too”…

“We will only be gone a week,, maybe a little longer”…

“No…I tell you,, I am too busy to go on a foolish Hagboffel hunt”…

“Come old friend,, think of the tales you can tell your son,, it may
be the last time we see a Hagboffel”…”Perhaps a last chance”…

Sigmarr looked into his tankard of ale and then over to
Anita…

“Go,, go…get out of here so that I might get some housework done…Your in the way,, always drinking with your friends and
bringing dirt into the house…go with Kergin on your
‘adventure’,, so I can have some peace and quiet”…Anita spoke
in a mocking bemused tone…

“Good,, good…it is settled then,, we can leave in the morning,,
now that you have Anita’s permission”…ha,, ha….

END OF EPISODE 1................
. INTERMISSION
COME BACK TOMORROW FOR THE NEXT (hopefully)
THRILLING EPISODE OF
SIGMARR VS THE BORJIORN
Find out next time if JR survived the assignation attempt by
NERWICK the Hungarian dwarf… is Britney really a Spielberg special effect……….
. .....same BAT TIME,, same BAT STATION.....

BIRD HOUSE..............

I BUILT A BIRD HOUSE……………….
I was just sitting in my favorite overstuffed rocking chair,,
(not rocking of course,, because it was broken) has been
for seven years,, I think the horse died,, well I was just sitting
there with my 12 pack of warm beer,, watching pro-rastling on
my black and white 14” TV,, the color one was broken too…
Watching a steel caged death match featuring,, Triple H,,
the Undertaker,, Machoman Savage and the return of
Hulk Hogan,, it was great as the bodies flew thru the air and
gosh there was blood everywhere,, I think the Hulk broke
Triple H’s back,, then I heard her sweet “little” voice from the
couch over there…
My beauty most fair,, all 350lbs of her,, sitting on the steel
I-beam reinforced couch I made for her this year,, wearing a
camouflaged moo-moo she got at the army surplus store,,
I think it was used to cover armored Hum-Vees in the
desert wars…She was reading last months issue of
House and Garden,, eating chocolate covered “gump”
bon-bons 4 at a time,, with her 2 lhasa apsos,, and some chips
and dip and éclairs too,, by her side… Shes changed just a “little”
since we got married,, she used to be a size “0”,,
but that was,, oh,, 18 months ago…

“Honey”,, Can you build a bird house for me?”…
was her question… Now I have been married quite some time
now,, and I’ve learned not to say “NO” to my “honey bunny”,,
or frying pans start to come flying and rolling pins really do hurt,,
when smashed about your head,, not like in the cartoons,,
it really does hurt,, and blood starting oozing,, and stitches are
always required…
“Yes,, sweetie pie”,, “I can do that for you”,, I said with a smile…
You see I am quite handy about the house,, I built those shelves
on the wall there,, not my fault their not quite square,,
I think it was the lumber,, or the paint somehow,, and I built her
a “bric-a-brac” display so she could show off her collection of
ceramic pink bunnies to her friends,, (I think their junk,,
but don’t tell her that,, I want to keep on living for another
year or so) it looks very nice,, even tho the openings are not all
the same size,, and the middle one slopes just a little to the left,,
but that’s the way the plans were I guess,, I also built the coffee
table in the living room,, now piled high with empty
“bon-bon” boxes,, coke bottles and issues of Harpers Bazaar,,
don’t mind the book under that one leg,, it must be the floor
that’s out of wack...

With sausage sized fingers she ripped out the pages that showed
how to build a pretty bird house just right,, all 17 ½ pages of it…
It had a list of materials,, 3 colored photos,, a plan view,,
6 elevations,, exploded parts,, and an isometric,, just for a
bird house than was only 8”x8”,, it had 12 pages of instructions,,
written in plain English,, Spanish,, and Chinese,, I guess they have
birds in China too,, it was masterfully done and showed me
“exactly” what to do,, and in sequence too...
I then got off by butt and when right out the door,, as I was
passing her on the couch there,, I was bitten by both her lhasa apsos,,
they don’t like me very much,, I guess it’s cuz I kick em in the butt
whenever she’s not looking… Off to the hardware store I went,,
in my brand new dodge ram diesel pick-em up truck,, it had dual
quads and a V-8 hemi,, it was bright red,, and impressed all my
friends,, to the store I went 40 miles away,, had to get some gas
tho before I got on the freeway,, it cost me $57.50,, with a
coke and two bags of chips…

The materials list I had was quite complete,, it listed everything
I could possibly need.. 1 sheet of 3/8” exterior plywood,, $34.40,,
a package of stainless steel nails,, 1” long and some screws,,
they were stainless too,, $9.25,, I got a ½ gallon of white paint
and some very nice paint brushes,, mine were all used and full of
left over paint goo,, $18.75,, a couple of tubes of white caulking
was added,, just to make the joints look real nice,, $6.75,,
and I needed a 3/8” dowel 4” long,, they didn’t have any that size
so I had to get one 8’ long,, $6.95,, I didn’t need any drill bits,,
I had some in the garage,, somewhere…

Back home I went,, with all my supplies in the back,, to home and
into the garage,, I unloaded it all and placed my supplies against
the wall… You know,, plywood is kind of heavy and awkward too,,
I hope I can put my side mirror back on with some “super-glue”…
I set up my aluminum sawhorses and proceeded to start cutting out
the plywood shapes I would need for my “sweetie pie’s” bird house,,
I accidentally cut my circular saws electric cord and it knocked me
flying thru the air with quite a shock,, landing on the windshield
of my brand new pick-em up truck,, the windshield kinda got
broken and smashed,, I guess I’ll have to have that fixed,,
my shoes were smoking,, the sides had been blown out and
my socks were on fire… Getting down from the hood of my
pick-em up truck,, I stepped on her nephews skateboard and
landed on the concrete floor,, with my head hitting the garden
tiller and I think I broke my elbow,, the skateboard went rolling
down the driveway and got run over by the garbage truck that
was picking up the trash at the curb…

The garbage man wasn’t very happy about that,, because when
he drove over the skateboard,, it poked a hole in one of his duelies,,
well he came up to me in my garage and knocked out two of my
front teeth,, the trash company sent me a bill for the tire,,
$400.95,, taxes included… After the garbage man left,,
I picked up my two front teeth from the floor and went over to
the doctors office in town to have my head looked at and
my elbow too,, he was 30 miles away so I had to put more gas
in my brand new dodge ram diesel pick-em up truck,,
$39.25,, with a coke and 2 bags of chips… The doc put some
stitches in my head,, gave me some real nice pain pills (whoopee),,
took some x-rays of my elbow,, then set it in a flexible cast,,
$325.95,, I’m sure that my insurance will cover it…
Going home from the doctors,, I was stopped by a “friendly”
state trooper while I was driving down the highway,, he gave me
a ticket for my broken windshield and one for the missing
sideview mirror too,, it was real nice of him,, he smiled all the
time,, $175.25,, I have to be in court on the 16th…

Back to the garage I went to finish “honey pies” bird house,,
I left my pick-em up truck in the driveway,, it wouldn’t take long,,
I had all the pieces cut now,, all I had to do was put them together
just like the picture… Looking at the exploded “parts” view and
the 6 elevations,, didn’t help much,, so I just put them together
as best I could,, it looked kind of alright,, a little white caulking
would make the joints just perfect,, all I had left to do was
drill a 1 ¼” hole in the front and glue the dowel in and then
paint it,, I would be done in no time,, and then I could get back
to watching “rastling”…

Well I couldn’t find my drill bits in my garage,, so I had to go back
to the hardware store,, I got the spade bit and a 3/8” one too,,
just to be sure,, $6.35,, had to fill up my pick-em truck again when
I got back home,, $42.87,, with a coke and 2 bags of chips...
I got the drill all set up and started to drill the bird hole with that
new 1 ¼” spade bit I got,, then the bit got stuck in my aluminum
sawhorse and the drill started to twisting around and around and
it wound up the electric cord that I was standing on and it pulled
my foot right from under me,, I landed on my butt,, right on the
metal garden rake I had left by the wall,, cuz the shed was full…
Well it went right thru my jeans and did it hurt,, blood went flying,,
so I went to the doctors again and he stitched up my butt to stop
the bleeding and he gave me a tetanus shot too,, and some real
big white butt bandages,, $185.15… I finally finished the bird house
for my “sweetie pie”,, but rastling was over and I just sat at the
kitchen table on a nice pillow drinking a beer,, then my
“honey bunny” came waddling sideways thru the 4’ wide
patio door I had put in,, seems she had to go to the store for
some more chocolate covered “gump” bon-bons,, she got 12 boxes,,
that should last her about a day or two,, then she took out of
her sack,, a brand new bird house,, she got on sale at the store,,
it only cost $8.95…
And it had red painted hearts on it and
green painted vines too,, it was real nice………………

A FUTURE FORETOLD?...................

With guzzolene now hitting around $4 a gallon I’m reminded
of the opening scenes of a movie,, was it a foretelling of the
future perhaps???.............


M A D M A X I I

B Y

TERRY HAYES
GEORGE MILLER
BRIAN HANNANT

(T H E R O A D W A R R I O R)

April 13, 1981

THE WASTELAND. DAY.

Flurries of dust and sand swirl around us as we move
through an eerie, barren land. The only sound is the
howl of a rising wind.

Ahead something looms out of the storm. As we approach
we see that it is the rusting remains of a massive oil
pump.

The wind drops to be replaced by the voice of a very old
man. This Is the Narrator:

NARRATOR V/O
The vision dims and all that remains
are me memories. They take me back -
back to the place where the black
pump sucked guzzolene from the earth...

DISSOLVE.

ANOTHER PART OF THE WASTELAND. DAY.

Out of the dust storm emerges the ancient wreck of a
prime mover and fuel tanker. It is partly charred, its
wheels and sides studded with metal crossbow bolts.

NARRATOR V/O
And I remember the terrible battle
we fought - the day we left that
place forever...

DISSOLVE.

A HILLTOP IN THE WASTELAND. DAY.

A MOB OF ARAB STUDENTS.......
storm a heavily-fortified embassy and raise theIranian flag.

U.S. SOLDIERS LAND ...
... on a beach in the Persian Gulf and fight their way
across the sand.

NARRATOR V/O
... when, for reasons long
forgotten, two mighty warrior
nations went to war ...

AN OIL WELL ERUPTS...

... and then another ... and another.

Plumes of flame burst across the skyline.

NARRATOR
...and touched off a blaze which
engulfed them all.

A LINE OF CARS...

... stretches for blocks until It finally reaches a gas
station.

An attendant pulls down a sign which reads:

$7 / Gallon
and replaces it with another sign:

AUTHORIZED VEHICLES ONLY
A group of angry motorists gather around, yelling and
pushing.

The attendant produces a gun motioning them back ...

NARRATOR
...For without fuel they were
nothing. They had built a house of
straw ......................................

THE SEA.............

THE SEA……………

She calls to me
Her endless motion beckons
It stirs my soul
To feel her breathing below my feet
It is where I must go
Her sisters fingers in my hair
The limitless horizon before me
Calling me to roam

She stretches out before me
In unbound waters deep
I can not tame her
This tempest that I keep
She tests my being
Tossing me against her breast
In a contest I can never win

Sail with me she says
And you will know who you are
Come with me
Amidst my liquid blue
She calls to me
And I must forever go……….

EVILE DIES.............

THIS IS A DAY THAT LONG WILL BE REMEMBERED…
IT HAS SEEN THE END OF HILLARYDILLARY AND
I FARTED IN THE ELEVATOR…………………..

AN ALIEN TAG..........

It seems that I have been too busy watching the
HillaryDillary train wreck to notice that it is
once again spring and that means its “TAG”
season…Duck season,, rabbit season…No its
“TAG” season….Its kind of early this year due
to it being a leap year…A hapless soulless creature
has wandered by and “TAGGED” me…Me,, of all the saints in
the universe this creature “TAGGED” me…
This creatures name is Marvin just for the record…
A Martian alien invader with grandiose schemes about
conquering Earth,, that’s if he can fix the stick shift
on his ‘flyin’ saucer….which I doubt…I shall repay
him by “TAGGING” him later with one of my special
“TAGS”…….But first the rules of his “TAG”…

THE RULES:
1…Link the person(s) who tagged you…
2…Mention the rules on your blog…
3…Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4…Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5…Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs
letting them know they’ve been tagged…

THE ANSWERS:
Well for reasons of National Security I’m not going to do
#1,, because if I mentioned that he was from
http://peanutbutterandpickles.blogspot.com/ I would only
be letting other Martian spies know where he is…

#2...check….

#3….
A…I had my left hand removed for aesthetic reasons,,
mainly because it was growing on my right elbow…

B…When I eat ice cream my ears flap back and forth
to keep my eyes from freezing…

C…I wear size 16 shoes to make women think I have a big
****,, women are dumb when it comes to shoes…
(oops,, did I say that out loud?)

D…When I snort lime jello thru a straw it makes me
burp a lot…

E…It takes me exactly the same amount of time to shave
as it does to drink a 5th of Jack Daniels…and I’ve learned
over the years that its best not to do them at the same time…

F…Nurse Ratched thinks I’m the best basket weaver shes
ever had……

And those are just my unspectacular quirks,, wait till I tell
you about my spectacular ones…….

#4….nagggg…I’m too nice…
#5….see #4 above…..

To Marvin:
Revenge is a dish best served with salsa and chips…..

I'M STILL WAITING..........

I'm waiting...........

QUESTION OF THE DAY…………
Are HillaryDillary and Bill Belichick
fraternal twins……And which one is the
biggest sore loser….OK,, that’s two questions…
(at least I can count)……

only 1 left........

the balloons are ready and
the parade is about to begin.....
happy days will be here again.....

Only 2 left......

I'm beginning to get happy feet.....