WELCOME TO THE SHOW.......

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Welcome back my fiends to the Blog that never ends
I’m so glad you could attend,, now I shall offend
Sit inside! sit inside!,, never mind it’s just a ride
There behind a camel everything is painted in blue enamel
Be careful where you sit,, it's going to be a long trip
Come along! sing along! bang the gong! I’ll be wearing a thong!

Come inside,, the bloods about to flow
It's guaranteed that my nose will grow
Buy something sweet and be ready to throw
The greatest show from Hell is starting to smell
You've got to smell my feet,, it's a treat
You've got to take the leap,, the seats are cheap

It will be one nasty surprise right before your eyes
You won’t laugh you’ll just cry then die die die
Come inside the bloods about to flow
Guaranteed to smell like a toilet bowl
Very nice very nice

You gotta see and read my stories
They really are quite gory
Now sit there and be quiet
Don't try to start a zombie riot
I’m going to blow my nose blow my nose
While wearing black silk pantyhose

Soon the FaerieQueen in a vest of emerald green
Will loose her head on guillotine
What a scene! What a scene! The best to be seen!
Next apon the stage in a vat of boiling marmalade
Will be the one and only Billy Shears (its been years)
Roll em! tote em! smoke em! pass it down the aisle!
It’s sure to make you smile!

While putting words on the whitened page
I wish I had seven virgins and a mule
Forget the mule,, I’m no fool
At ten past six,, I’ll be very sick
The liquor did the trick
I’ll be like very other fool
Thinking that I’m another Lincoln
But alas and woe
My stories really are a stinkin’

It all began on a Saturday
No one would come out and play
What a shame
I was so alone
Then the sun began to shine
But I couldn’t find the time
I had to make everything rhyme
The cops broke in and said it was a sin
I then got five to ten,, without a trail
Next time I'll try denial

Now I don't really want to stop the show
But I thought you might like to know
Where I am,, where I am,, where I am
I’m in the slam

I never take a shower,, I stink more each hour
I’m in a room with a peep
In a cage of steel and iron
I think it's all not real,, or I’d be cryin’

And as we go along
I promise not to sing this song
But my stories will still be too loooong
So as I prance apon this stage
Without a clue
I hope I’ve made your day for you
Now it's time for you all to leave
I got to pee got to pee.......……

sung to that misspelled Kanookian song...
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn…...........

I'M SUING.......

This is the 'The Lightning GT' made by the Lightning Car Company of
Great Britain...it's an electric car...and I've decided to sue them
for name infringement....
Afterall I do have my integrity to think about…
Besides I like money……

AN ALIEN TAG..........

It seems that I have been too busy watching the
HillaryDillary train wreck to notice that it is
once again spring and that means its “TAG”
season…Duck season,, rabbit season…No its
“TAG” season….Its kind of early this year due
to it being a leap year…A hapless soulless creature
has wandered by and “TAGGED” me…Me,, of all the saints in
the universe this creature “TAGGED” me…
This creatures name is Marvin just for the record…
A Martian alien invader with grandiose schemes about
conquering Earth,, that’s if he can fix the stick shift
on his ‘flyin’ saucer….which I doubt…I shall repay
him by “TAGGING” him later with one of my special
“TAGS”…….But first the rules of his “TAG”…

THE RULES:
1…Link the person(s) who tagged you…
2…Mention the rules on your blog…
3…Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
4…Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
5…Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs
letting them know they’ve been tagged…

THE ANSWERS:
Well for reasons of National Security I’m not going to do
#1,, because if I mentioned that he was from
http://peanutbutterandpickles.blogspot.com/ I would only
be letting other Martian spies know where he is…

#2...check….

#3….
A…I had my left hand removed for aesthetic reasons,,
mainly because it was growing on my right elbow…

B…When I eat ice cream my ears flap back and forth
to keep my eyes from freezing…

C…I wear size 16 shoes to make women think I have a big
****,, women are dumb when it comes to shoes…
(oops,, did I say that out loud?)

D…When I snort lime jello thru a straw it makes me
burp a lot…

E…It takes me exactly the same amount of time to shave
as it does to drink a 5th of Jack Daniels…and I’ve learned
over the years that its best not to do them at the same time…

F…Nurse Ratched thinks I’m the best basket weaver shes
ever had……

And those are just my unspectacular quirks,, wait till I tell
you about my spectacular ones…….

#4….nagggg…I’m too nice…
#5….see #4 above…..

To Marvin:
Revenge is a dish best served with salsa and chips…..

I'M STILL WAITING..........

WHOOPASS LICENSE..................

WHOOPASS LICENSE…………
Well another week at work has gone by and I’m
glad its over…What a train wreak…I had 27 e-grams in
my mailbox all asking the same thing…’When are you going to
be done with my project?’…buttheads…I sent each one back
this message... ’Well,, if you’d stop asking me that question,,
I would have been done two days ago’…
camelheaded morons…
Their being ungrateful morons got me to thinking,, which is
always a dangerous thing for anyone to do…

I got to thinking about the morons of this world and I was
also thinking about how the government could lower my taxes
and pay off the National Debt...So I came up with a solution that
solves both problems at the same time…
It’s the greatest idea since sardines on pizza…
The solution to the governments money problems and too
everyone elses (mainly mine),, is for the government to sell
Whoopass licenses,, that can be used to beat the living crap out
of morons…The way I figure it,, everybody wins…

The government get lots of money per license,, and morons get
what’s coming to them,, all nice and legal…

Here’s my plan,, any US citizen aged 18 to say 60,, can buy up
to 7 whoopass licenses per year,, to use on any US born or
naturalized citizen,, except the President,, got to give him some
slack,, because,, well he’s the President…Besides if the President
was eligible he’d never get anything done,, there would be a line
circling the globe just to give him a Whoopass…
The government could charge,, say $2500.00 per license and
make lots of easy cash,, and as a bonus,, if you buy 7 licenses all
at once you get an 8th one free,, but the 8th one can only be
used on morons or nutsos in airports…
Sounds good to me,, however there would have to be some
restrictions or rules of course,, everything has rules and this
plan is no exception…

Rule #1…each whoopass license can only be used once and then
must be torn up…
Rule #2…the receiver that you want to give the whoopass to,,
must receive it gracefully and calmly,, no crying,, begging or
bribing allowed…
Rule #3…no one under the age of 16 can be whoopassed
by a whoopass license holder,, mainly because everyone under
16 is stupid,, and their hormones are running wild
making them more stupid…So their excused,, however their
parents can give them an unlicensed whoopass at any time…
Rule #4…no one over the age of 60 can be whoopassed,,
mainly because their old and senile and giving them a whoopass
at that age would just make things worse…
Rule #5…a proxy whoopasser can be used…This is mainly
because there are lots of 80lb tweebs out there that would just
love to give a whoopassing to the gorilla office managers
among us,, so their allowed to hire anyone they want to do the
whoopassing…I suggest WWF wrestlers…
Rule #6…the whoopassing should not go too far…
It’s a Whoopassings not an Iranian wedding,, so no breaking of
bones are allowed,, except the nose…The whoopasser must only
use their fists,, feet,, knees,, or elbows to do the whoopassing…
No blunt instruments or chairs are allowed…
Rule #7…should both parties have whoopass licenses,, the
licenses do not cancel each other out…Use them at that time or
wait until the other party is not looking…
Rule #8…a get out of whoopassing free card can be purchased
from the government for,, say $120,000,000…
and can only be used once…This should keep the rich morons
getting their just ‘desserts’…
Rule #9…should a whoopass receiver try to run away or
hide and not take his/her whoopassing as noted in Rule #2,,
they will immediately loose their US citizenship and be
extradited to Iran,, where whoopassing is free,, no license
required…
Rule #10…extra credit towards a free whoopass license can be
gained by using your current whoopass license on mimes or
French persons who speak French while in the US…
Rule #11…a special whoopass license can be purchased at
any time,, no limits on how many you can purchase,, for the
price of say,, $50.00…This special whoopass license can only
be used on illegal aliens…Earth type or space type,,
doesn’t matter…

I think this is a great plan,, it not only solves the moron problem
but also solves the National Debt problem too…
I’m sure it needs a bit of refinement but what doesn’t……….